Seducing The Nanny
by Danell
Summary: When your friends husband hits on you, what do you do? Bella is going crazy trying to figure this one out on her own. **OOC/AH.**
1. Prologue

**Attempting a new story... Not quite sure how people will respond. I know the prologue is short, but hopefully it's enough to intrigue people.  


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**_Trying hard not to hear_  
_ But they talk so loud_  
_ Their piercing sounds fill my ears_  
_ Try to fill me with doubt_  
_ Yet I know that the goal_  
_ Is to keep me from falling_  
_ But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace_  
_ And in this world of loneliness_  
_ I see your face_  
_ Yet everyone around me_  
_ Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe_  
_ But I don't care what they say_  
_ I'm in love with you_  
_ They try to pull me away_  
_ But they don't know the truth_  
_ My heart's crippled by the vein_  
_ That I keep on closing_  
_ You cut me open and I_  
_ Keep bleeding_  
_ Keep, keep bleeding love_  
_ I keep bleeding_  
_ I keep, keep bleeding love_  
_ Keep bleeding_  
_ Keep, keep bleeding love_  
_ You cut me open_

-Leona Lewis "Bleeding Love

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I couldn't believe how strange my life had become.

When I first accepted my job as the nanny for Edward and Rose's children, I never once thought that I'd be in the middle of something this crazy. I never once thought that I'd have to make a choice between friendship or love… or nothing at all.

Sitting at that table watching as the children ran around and played outside, I toyed with my options. And as I watched Edward walk over to me from one direction, and Rose coming from another, I knew what it was that I had to do. I had to choose. But sometimes, the choices we make don't always turn out the way we would hope.


	2. Opportunities

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight characters, but I do own this storyline.**

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I was deep asleep when I heard my phone start ringing. Without taking the time to look at the caller ID I answered.

"Hello?" I said drowsily.

"Bella?" The voice on the other end asked. "Did I wake you?"

"Um… no… yeah…"

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's Rose. I just wanted to see if you would be interested in a job."

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "What kind of job?"

"Well, I need someone to be a nanny for the kids. I know you have previous experience doing it, and Edward and I were talking about how you don't have a job right now, and wanted to offer this to you." Rose said quickly.

"Well, um… yeah… sure!" I said getting a bit excited. It had been awhile since I had any steady work, and I was willing to do anything. "When do you need me to start?"

"That's the thing… do you think you can start today? In about two hours? Edward is at work and I have some appointments I need to get to."

I looked at the clock and inwardly groaned at the time. "That should be fine. I'll be over at your house in two hours!"

"Sounds great!" Rose said sounding really excited.

"Well I need to just take a shower and get dressed and all that good stuff…" I said trailing off, hoping to end the conversation so I could jump in the shower and wake myself up some more. I knew I definitely needed to stop and get a few shots of espresso and an energy drink because it would take me about an hour to drive out to their house.

"Alright, well then I'll see you in about two hours. Bye Bella!" Rose said hanging up.

I sighed and put my phone down, quickly grabbing a pair of jeans and a tank and rushed to take a shower. As the familiar smell of my strawberry shampoo and body wash soothed me, I thought about activities I could find for the kids to do today.

I finished and got dressed and dried as much hair as I could before I threw it up in a messy bun. It doesn't matter what I look like since I'll have the kids today I thought to myself. I ran out the door and hopped into the car stopping at Starbucks to get double shots of espresso and grabbed an energy drink. I was soon on the highway singing along to music and dreaming about life being better.

***

I pulled up to the massive house Rose and Edward owned and gasped. I could never get over the beauty of it. I got out of my car and walked to the door and knocked. I could hear the squeals of Emma and Bobby inside. Rose answered the door and I was immediately greeted with hugs from the children.

"Bella!" Emma screeched hugging me tightly. "I'm so excited that you're here!"

"Me too! Me too!" Bobby said not wanting to be left out.

I hugged them both and Rose just laughed.

"They're so excited to see you. They adore you, you know." She said to me.

"I can tell!" I said laughing.

"Kids, go turn off the television upstairs while I talk to Bella for a minute."

Emma and Bobby took off running upstairs tripping over one again.

I shook my head in disbelief. "How old are they now?"

"Emma just turned seven, and Bobby is three." Rose replied.

"Goodness! Way to make me feel old! I remember when they were born!"

"You feel old? I'm their mother AND I watched you as a child!" Rose said laughing at me.

"Alright, alright, true. Neither one of us is old." I said trying to redeem myself. "Now, I was trying to think of things to do with the kids today. Is the zoo okay?"

"That sounds perfect actually! I'm not sure when I'll be back today. I'm going out with a friend that I haven't seen in years." Rose replied.

"Ooohh who? Do I know them?"

"No, you don't know him. But you should meet him. He's super funny and great. He hasn't changed at all!" She said blushing.

"Are you blushing, Rose?" I asked surprised.

"Yes, well, you see, he was my first boyfriend… my first everything. So it's been great talking to him and re-living those memories again."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, just be careful. You are married to Edward after all."

"Yeah… that's not going too great…" She said as she sighed.

"Wha-" I started to ask and was interrupted with the kids running down the stairs screaming my name.

"Come on, Bella! Let's go play!" Emma said tugging on my arm.

"Emma, hold on. I'm talking to her right now. Take Bobby and put your shoes on. Bella is taking you to the zoo!"

"YAY! I wanna see the monkeys!" Bobby yelled.

"I wanna see the elephant!" Emma squealed.

"We'll see whatever you want to see." I said smiling.

They ran off to put their shoes on and I turned back to Rose. "What do you mean things aren't going too great with Edward?" I asked truly concerned.

"He's just… not the same guy I fell in love with. Our age difference has finally caught up with us I think. You don't really think about it, but being ten years older than someone makes a big difference. I'm thirty-five... he's twenty-five. He's closer to your age than he is to mine and we just don't have the same goals in life anymore. I think he resents becoming a parent at eighteen. I don't know… things just are complicated. I mean, how would you feel about having two children at your age?" Rose asked.

"I don't think I'd be able to handle it." I admitted honestly. I had just turned twenty-one, I was still young and had no clue what I wanted out of life. Having children right now would be a lot of responsibility and something I definitely was not ready for.

"See, and that's how he feels." Rose said sadly.

"Hm… well… have you tried marriage counseling? I love you both, and I want things to turn out for the best you know?"

"We've actually been going a couple times a week."

The kids came running back into the room with their shoes on. "We're ready!" Bobby said in his adorable 3-year-old voice.

I giggled. "Alright, well, I need to put your car seats into my car and we can go."

"Hurry up! Let's go! I wanna see the elephants!" Emma whined.

"Alright, alright. There will be no whining today, Emma." Rose said looking straight at her. "Same goes for you, Bobby. I want you to be good for Bella, so that she'll want to continue being your nanny."

"Yes mommy." The kids said at the same time.

Rose looked at me and smiled. "Good luck! I'll text you when I'm on my way home. Edward will probably be home around dinner time. Feel free to make whatever you'd like for them. Just have a good time, and if they give you any trouble, you know what to do. "

I nodded and sighed. "Well, have fun today Rose. Be careful, and we will talk later… I want to hear about what's been going on."

"Of course, Bella."

We walked out of the house to the garage and grabbed the car seats to put into my car. I buckled them in safely and closed the door.

"See you later!" I said as I hugged Rose.

"See you later, Bella!"

I got into my car and drove away. The kids waved and yelled, "bye mommy!" and I giggled.

I had a feeling that today would be a fun and interesting day that the zoo.


	3. Great

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters. But I do own this story line  
**

**

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**

_It's really good to hear your voice,  
Saying my name it sounds so sweet,  
Coming from the lips of an angel,  
It makes me weak..._  
_  
-Hinder "Lips of an Angel"_

**---  
**

"We're going to the zoo! We're going to the zoo!" Emma and Bobby chanted from the backseat.

"Yeah, we are! And it's going to be a lot of fun…" I said smiling.

"I wanna see the elephants first!" Emma said.

"No! Monkeys first!" Bobby screeched.

"No! Elephants first!" Emma argued back.

I sighed as I took a sip of my energy drink and quickly downed two aspirin. "How about we go see the lions first? And then which ever animal is closer we'll see next?"

"Okay!" Both kids agreed and went back to chanting.

I laughed to myself and continued to focus on the road. It was a relatively short drive to the zoo and for that I was thankful.

I unbuckled Bobby from his car seat as Emma hopped out of the car grabbing her backpack full of snacks and extra clothes.

"Alright, before we go in, I want to give you a few rules." I said kneeling down to their eye level. "First, I want you to stay together at ALL times. Hold each others hands, or hold mine. Second, I do not want you wandering off by yourself. I don't want you to get lost because that would be quite the story to tell your parents. And third, as your mom said earlier at the house, no whining. We're going to try to see everything you want to see, but the second one of you starts whining, we're going to leave, okay?"

Both kids nodded and I wondered if they really understood what I was saying. I shrugged and stood up and held their hands as we walked into the entrance of the zoo. I hadn't been here in years, so I felt like I was re-living my childhood. We checked out the lions, and the elephants, and the monkeys, as well as the reptile house. Watching them laugh and take everything in was worth spending the day with them.

All of a sudden I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I took it out and smiled at the name on the caller ID. It was my friend, Jacob. We weren't dating, but we were if that makes sense. It wasn't an exclusive type relationship, but we always knew how to have fun.

"Hello?" I answered with a smile on my face while watching the kids pet the goats.

"Hey baby, what are you doing?" Jacob said seductively.

I giggled as I answered. "I'm actually watching Emma and Bobby. We're at the zoo. What's up?"

"Oh that sounds fun. I was just at home, bored, thinking about you and wondering if you wanted to get together tonight."

"Hm… well I'm not sure when I'll be done with the kids, but sure, I would love to!" I exclaimed with a huge grin on my face. I was just imaging things that I wanted to do. I loved having a 'more than friends with benefits' type of relationship with him.

"Sounds great. See you later tonight!" He said before hanging up.

I smiled again as I walked over to the kids. "Are you two ready to get some lunch?"

"Yeah!" The kids exclaimed together. I helped them wash their hands and we walked over to the food area. I ordered them something to eat and looked for a table to sit at. They chattered excitedly about everything we had seen so far while eating. I couldn't help but laugh at their enthusiasm.

"Can we have an ice cream?" Emma begged. "We finished all our lunch and I'd really love a treat… pleeeeaaaaasssseee?"

Bobby joined in and I didn't want to fight so I bought them each a popsicle and we walked around the zoo a little more before I decided it was time for us to head home. The kids fell asleep as I drove home and for that I was grateful.

It was about 3:30 in the afternoon when I made it back to the house. I carried the kids in separately and placed them on the couches in the living room, then ran back outside to lock up my car. I lounged around for a few minutes before deciding that I should take a look in the cupboards and fridge to see what I could make for dinner. I decided to make something simple, quick, and easy.

I found all the ingredients I needed and quickly went to check on Emma and Bobby. Just as I walked into the living room they woke up. Thirty minutes of silence felt amazing and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to take the noise while trying to make dinner so I decided to turn on a movie and let them watch it while I waited for the chicken I had taken out to defrost.

I intermittently checked on them while I was cooking. I was just taking the chicken casserole out of the oven when Edward arrived home.

"Something smells amazing in here!" He said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Daddy's home!" Emma and Bobby yelled as they ran to hug him.

He hugged them back finally noticing that I was the one who was in the kitchen making dinner. "Oh hey Bella. I didn't expect Rose to call you so soon to watch the kids! We only talked about hiring you last night."

"I guess she was just excited about having someone to watch the kids while she went out with an old friend." I said as I shrugged.

"Oh, is she with Emmett?" Edward questioned.

"Um… I think that's what she said his name was..."

"Yeah, she's probably out with him. Did she say when she would be home?" He asked me.

"No, actually. She said that you most likely would be home before she was and that she would call or text me to let me know, but I have yet to hear anything." I answered.

Edward just shook his head and walked away. "I'm going to change out of my work clothes…" He yelled as he went upstairs.

The kids had gone back to watching their movie and I set the table for dinner. Edward came back downstairs looking super fine in a pair of cut-off jeans and a green shirt. I had to stop myself from letting my mouth hang open. I had always noticed how good looking he was, and I felt like it was inappropriate to think of him that way since he was married.

He went to get Emma and Bobby and sat them down at the table while I placed some casserole and salad on everyone's plates. We all began to eat and I was getting praises from everyone about how great everything tasted. I blushed since I wasn't used to compliments and mumbled a thank you.

As soon as everyone was finished I cleared the table and took the dishes into the kitchen so I could wash them.

"Hey Bella, I'm going to take Emma and Bobby upstairs and give them a bath then let them play for a little bit before bedtime." Edward called out to me.

"Alright, that sounds fine! I'm just going to start washing the dishes!" I called back out.

---

I stood in the kitchen absentmindedly humming to myself when all of a sudden I felt arms wrap around my waist. I turned around quickly and came face to face with Edward.

"Edward! What are you doing?" I said breathing heavily. It had always been a fantasy of mine for him to hold me like this.

"I just wanted to ask you about your day." He said. I could feel his hot breath on my neck and I shivered. "Are you cold?" He chuckled.

"N-no. I'm f-fine." I stuttered. "My day was great. The kids were great and we had a great time." I breathed out.

"Sounds…great." He said as he placed wet, hot kisses on my neck.

I closed my eyes and suppressed a moan trying not to think about my fantasies. "What are you doing? What about Rose?"

"What about Rose? She's with Emmett. You don't think I'm stupid enough to believe that they're just hanging out doing nothing do you? I know that they're fucking around." He said humorlessly. "And as for what I'm doing… I'm trying to seduce you, but you're shutting me down and making it really hard…" He said as he grinding his hips into me for emphasis. "…for me to think about anything else."

I gasped and opened my eyes. "We can't do this Edward. If Rose is cheating on you with Emmett, you should try to work it out. Not cheat on her with me. Do you know how awkward that would be if she ever found out?"

"We've tried to work it out, but it's just not going to happen." He said as he forcefully started kissing me.

I stood there unsure of what I should do, because when his lips touched mine there was a jolt of electricity that ran through my veins. The water was still running and the dishes laid forgotten in the sink. I gave up, closed my eyes and started to kiss him back. He attacked my mouth and I attacked his, not holding back the moan that had grown in me.

The front door opened and slammed shut and I opened my eyes and pushed Edward away just as Rose walked into the kitchen.

"Hi honey!" She said as she hugged him and kissed him quickly on the lips. I went back to washing the dishes as she approached me. "Hey Bella! How was your day? Were the kids good for you?"

"Oh um… my day? It was… great." I said looking down. "The kids were fine. They're upstairs playing for a little bit before bed."

"I better run up and say hi to them really quick." She said smiling at me.

I forced myself to smile back and she walked away.

"Shit!" I heard Edward whisper to himself. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear it so I just ignored it.

I grabbed my cell phone and sent a quick text to Jacob letting him know that I would be over at his house soon to hang out. I leaned against the island in the middle of the kitchen and closed my eyes. I felt Edward move to stand next to me and I opened my eyes. He brushed the hair that had fallen over my eyes out of the way.

"Bella, please look at me." He said quietly.

I complied and looked up. "What Edward?" I said feeling a little embarrassed to have let myself lose control.

"You're really beautiful. Did you know that?"

"Um… thanks?" I said blushing.

"And that blush of yours is fucking adorable."

That caused me to blush even more, but I felt determined to stop anything further from happening. "Look, Edward, we can't do this. You're married to Rose… marriage is supposed to be sacred…"

"Bella, I know that. It's just that I want you. I've always found you attractive…"

"Hey Bella! I know I need to pay you so that you can get going!" Rose yelled out interupting as she came down the stairs.

I sighed a breath of relief not realizing that I had been holding it in. She walked into the kitchen and started making a check out to me. "The kids told me all about their day at the zoo with you today. It sounds like they had a lot of fun." She said as she handled me the check. I quietly gasped when I saw the amount.

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun too. Thank you so much for wanting me to be your children's nanny!"

"Not a problem. It was actually Edward who suggested it. I thought it was a great idea!" Rose exclaimed.

"Um…yeah… a great idea…" I said trailing off. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and saw that Jacob was calling. I said a silent thank you and excused myself to answer it.

"Hey Jake!" I said a bit excitedly.

"Hey Bella… you sound excited…" He said laughing.

"Oh, I am. I'm excited to see you tonight…" I said suggestively.

"Well hurry up and get here then!" Jacob exclaimed.

"I'll be leaving in a few minutes. See you soon babe…" I said as I hung up.

I walked back into the kitchen to let Rose and Edward know that I needed to leave. Rose hugged me first and whispered that she couldn't wait to tell me about her day and to call her later. I smiled and nodded. Edward hugged me next and whispered, "Be safe… I'll see you soon." and then he winked which caused my breathing to hitch. He was so freaking cute and I just didn't want to be the one to ruin his marriage to Rose. _ If he wasn't married…_ I thought to myself as I walked to my car and drove off…

* * *

**Don't hate me for bringing Jacob into the story. He's there because he needs to be. And I know it seems like E is moving quickly... but this is how it has to be.**


	4. Complicated Thinking

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and/or the characters of it. I only own this storyline.  
**

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_You don't know how you met me  
You don't know why, you can't turn around and say good-bye  
All you know is when i'm with you I make you free  
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea  
I'm singing....  
Follow me  
Everything is alright  
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night  
And if you want to leave  
I can guarantee  
You won't find nobody else like me_  
- Uncle Kracker "Follow Me"

---

I left Edward and Rose's house and headed towards Jacob's. He lived about ten minutes from me so I contemplated running home to change, but decided against it since I had kept him waiting for so long to begin with. I turned on my radio and enjoyed being alone when my mind started to wander back to what had just happened with Edward.

Why did I kiss him back?

That couldn't, no, _wouldn't_ happen again. I felt guilty about it. Sure I was a little excited that someone was expressing interest in me, but this was also Rose's husband, my _friend's_ husband. She was someone I had known basically my entire life. She was there for me when things weren't going too great with my family, and now that she had things of her own going on I wanted to be there for her. The guilt definitely outweighed the excitement.

I had no clue what was going on with her and Emmett. For all I knew, they could really just be hanging out as friends and nothing more. But Edward seemed adamant about her cheating on him. It was like no matter what she told him he wasn't going to believe her anyway, so she might as well do whatever she wants. That started to make me angry. How could Edward think that about his wife, my friend? Tell me that she's cheating on him and turn around and try to cheat on her with me? It made no sense.

Before I knew it I was pulling into Jacob's driveway. I smiled when I saw him looking out the window, watching me get out of my car. He opened the front door for me just as I approached it and ushered me in. Jacob was a pretty amazing guy, and talented as well. He was in a band, seemed to know how to fix anything that was broken, and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world, which was not easy to do. We went to school together so he made things easy, light, carefree.

"Hey, Bella!" Jacob said hugging me.

"Hey, Jake!" I hugged him back and walked into the living room. I plopped down on the couch and sighed, "So what have you been up to today?"

"Oh not much, you know, I had the day off and was bored, so I hung around working on my car and thinking about you," he said as he sat next to me and nudged me with his elbow. "What about you? How was your day with Emma and Bobby?"

"Um… it was… great. We had fun at the zoo. Hearing them laugh and enjoy themselves made my day. They fell asleep on the way home and slept for about half an hour or so, that was definitely nice. Then I made dinner, Edward came home, we ate, then Rose came home, and now I'm here," I said quickly.

"That sounds fun, I guess," Jacob said wrinkling his nose. "I'm not a big fan of kids, but you already know that." he chuckled.

"Yes, I know that already, that's for sure!" I laughed. "Remember how you once tried to change a diaper and ended up running out of the room to the bathroom to vomit?"

"Shut up! Don't make fun of me! Diapers are nasty!" he said, lightly shoving me.

"The diaper was clean… I had changed it minutes before and thought it'd be funny to see how you'd react to having to change one. I'm glad it wasn't a dirty one! And it wasn't even a real baby! It was one of those ones you bring home from school to take care of for the family living class." By this time I was laughing so hard I was crying. "Seriously Jake, that was way too funny."

"I'm glad I amuse you." he said, pretending to be hurt.

"Aw, I'm sorry! Poor baby, Jakey… Did I hurt your feelings?" I mocked.

"Yes. You did. Now you need to make me feel better." he joked.

"Oh really now…? Who says?"

"I say." Jacob leaned in and kissed me lightly.

"And do I ever do as you say?" I said, kissing him back.

"No… not usually…"

I giggled, "Exactly. Now shut up and kiss me harder."

He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me closer to him, taking my top lip in his and sucking on it. The aggressiveness of him kissing me took me by surprise, but I lightly bit his bottom lip knowing that it drove him crazy. His tongue began begging for entrance into my mouth but I refused which made him growl. I giggled, knowing I was working him up and not giving him what he wanted or needed.

I pulled back needing air.

"Why are you being such a tease tonight, Bella?" he groaned at me.

"Me? A tease? Whatever do you mean?" I said, winking.

Jacob, once again, took me by surprise as he pushed me down on the couch and started tickling me. "You, Bella… are a tease!"

"No…way…!" I gasped out between words, trying to breathe and laugh at the same time. "I am… sooooo… not… a… teaaassseeee…! Stoooopppp…!"

"You are too. And I'll only stop when you finally admit it."

"Okay, okay fine!" I said, squealing. "I am a tease! I am a tease… I'll give you what you want if you just stop!"

"Finally!" He gave me one last tickle and stopped.

I laid there trying to catch my breath as he sat, laughing at me. "Are you going to sit on me all night?"

"I might very well do that, yes."

"If you do, then you won't be getting anything from me tonight, that's for sure…"

He immediately got up off of me and helped me sit up.

"Wow… someone's an eager beaver tonight." I said, eyeing him.

"What? I can't help it. You got me all worked up with that kiss and then feeling you squirm underneath me didn't make it any better…," he said shrugging. He averted his gaze and I knew then just how easily I got under his skin.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, okay… Whatever." Then biting my lip, I decided to mess with him a little more. I felt like being devious, and figured Jake would be an easy person to get worked up. "Come a little closer if you want me to take care of you…"

Jacob, being well – Jacob, leaned in and I started kissing him softly, wanting to try my best to work him up. I grinned evilly to myself knowing that my phone would be ringing pretty soon. It'd be my best friend, Alice, asking me where I was. I started ghosting my lips down his neck and to his collarbone. He let out a deep moan and pushed me onto my back, kissing me hard, and then repeating my earlier actions.

My mind started to drift to the kiss I shared with Edward earlier and I let out a moan. Jacob continued his journey lower licking and sucking at the cleavage that was popping out of my shirt. I closed my eyes and thought of Edward's lips moving against mine, how it would feel if he was the one running his tongue along my body. My heart started to beat faster and I got nervous, realizing that I was thinking about another man, one married to my friend nonetheless, while I was with Jacob. I sighed and grabbed his face bringing his lips to mine and bit his lip lightly. I wanted to play with Jacob, tease him some more, but my body had other plans. I was becoming very aroused with the new visions running through my head.

I continued kissing him as I moved my hands, finding my way to his already aroused state. I started rubbing him through his pants, making him gasp. He in return moved his hands to my breasts and caressed me gently, causing my nipples to harden under his touch. No words needed to be spoken as we looked into each others' eyes, the lust in them said more than we ever could.

I pushed him down on the couch, knelt in front of him, unbuckled his pants and slid them off. Looking up at him through my lashes, I silently asked him what he wanted.

"I want to feel your mouth around me," he said, panting as I moved my hands up and down his shaft.

"If that's what you want, then that's what you'll get," and took him deep into my mouth, massaging him with my tongue as I moved up and down, cupping his balls and lightly squeezing.

"Fuck! Bella!" Jacob moaned.

I hummed and lightly ran my teeth up and down him.

"Fuck… Bella… I… I'm going to…"

I relaxed my throat and took him in as deep as I could as he shot into my mouth. I swallowed and sucked him until there was nothing left.

"Bella… that was… that was… amazing… thank you!" he said, trying to calm down his panting.

"No problem. I gave you what you wanted… it's just too bad you won't be able to give me what I want tonight…"

"What are you talking about? I fully intend to reciprocate--," he started, interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

"That's what I'm talking about," I said as I answered my phone. "Hey Alice…"

"Hey Bella! Are you at Jacob's?" Alice asked on the other line of the phone.

"Yeah, I'm at Jacob's. I'll be home soon," I told her, hanging up. "Well, Jacob, it looks like we'll have to continue this later. You owe me, and I plan on holding you to it."

"Alright, deal. Let me walk you to your car," he said, standing up and buckling his pants back up.

We held hands as he walked me to my car, stopping at my door as I fiddled with my car keys.

"Will you come over again tomorrow?" he asked me.

"Hm… Maybe…" I said, teasing him, knowing that I most likely would stop by again. I leaned in and gave his a quick kiss then opened my door.

"You better, because I have plans for you…," he whispered in my ear. I shivered and he laughed as he kissed my neck. I glanced up at him to see a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Jake, you better stop it now before I jump you."

"That's what I want…"

I pushed him away softly and got into my car. "I'll see you later."

"Later, Bells."

I started my car and pulled away. Looking in my rearview mirror, I saw him standing there, watching me drive off. Things were getting complicated with him. We agreed to be friends with benefits, but I felt like he was starting to enjoy being with me as more than just a friend. I was starting to feel the same way, but I was too scared to pursue anything. I was just... confused.

I drove home in silence, just letting the events of the day sink in, hanging out with the kids, being kissed by Edward… kissing him back, and joking around and playing with Jacob, getting no relief. Yeah, it had definitely been an interesting day.

---

I parked my car and got out, walking up the stairs to the apartment I shared with Alice. She was my best friend and living with her was a lot like living with a very hyper child, but I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

I opened the door and was immediately met with a bundle of energy.

"Beeeeellllllaaaa! I've missed you. You've been gone all day and I've had no one to talk to." she pouted as she hugged me.

"Sorry, Alice. Rose called me this morning and asked me if I'd become the nanny for Emma and Bobby." I said as I hugged her back.

"Aw! That's too cute! How was it?"

"Well, the kids were great. They didn't have any major melt-downs which was nice…," I said, trailing off.

"Well, that's good. Anything else interesting happen today?" she asked as if she already knew.

"I have no clue what you're talking about," I said, trying to look innocent.

"Yes you do… What did you do with Jacob tonight?"

"Oh… not much… just hung out like we usually did."

"Really? Because your hair is a mess… And your clothes? I don't even want to get started on those!" she said, catching me.

"Well, I don't kiss and tell." I tried to be coy.

"No, but you do blow and tell… so tell me now!"

I blushed, "How did you know?"

"I didn't… but now I do. Little Bella isn't as sweet and innocent as she pretends to be is she?" Alice asked, mockingly.

I playfully pushed her and ran out of the room laughing.

"Bella! Just tell me if he returned the favor!" she yelled, running after me.

"Alice!" I gasped.

"What? You know I require you to tell me details of your love life since I don't have one of my own."

"It's hardly a love life, Ally." I rolled my eyes. "But no, he didn't return the favor because you called."

"Oh my goodness! I'm a twattease! I'm so so so sorry!"

I couldn't help it. I started laughing. "A twattease? Really? I've never heard that term before."

Alice joined in laughing with me. "Yeah, I don't know. It just came out."

We fell to the floor and laughed together for awhile. It felt good to do this. It had been awhile since my life had had any fun in it. I smiled to myself.

"Bella?"

"Yes Alice?"

"I've missed this. And I've missed you." she said in a quiet voice.

"Me too" I whispered, knowing exactly what she meant.

---

_"Bella! Hey Bella!" A familiar figure said, jogging over to me._

_"Hey Mister!" I said smiling and embracing him in a hug. "How are you?"_

_"I'm great, how are you?" he said kissing my cheek._

_"I'm doing amazing now that you're here. I've missed you so much."_

_"I've missed you too. But I'm here now, so let's just enjoy the time we have together."_

_"That works for me." I jumped on his back and we headed to his car._

_"Where do you want to go today?"_

_"Let's go to the park and play on the swings. I used to love doing that."_

_"Sounds like a plan to me!" he said enthusiastically as he started his car up._

_We drove in comfortable silence and I couldn't stop looking at him. There was just something about him that drew me in. He was beautiful. Sandy blond hair, steel blue eyes, perfect face, perfect smile, everything about him was just perfect. We arrived at the park shortly after and he looked over at me catching me staring._

_"What are you looking at?" he asked._

_"You. You're so different yet still very much the same" I responded._

_He rolled his eyes at my response and got out of the car walking to my door to open it up and help me out. "Let's go play on the swings before all the little kids here take over them!"_

_I looked around and laughed. "There's absolutely no one here but us. I think we'll get our turn on the swings."_

_"Well, come on then," he took off running. "Catch me if you can!"_

_I started chasing after him, giggling, "Stop! Wait for me!"_

_"Try and catch me" he mocked, knowing that I'd be unable to keep up with him._

_"You're too fast for me!" I whined._

_"Aw… Poor baby…"_

_I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. His words made me want to run faster to try and catch up but when I opened my eyes he was gone._

I woke up with tears streaming down my face.

"Bella? Bella are you alright?" Alice asked as she came running into my room.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine" I said, trying to calm myself down.

"What were you dreaming about? You were screaming at the top of your lungs."

"What was I screaming?" I asked, feeling embarrassed.

"NOOOOOOO! COME BACK!" she replied.

I started shaking and crying again. "I was dreaming about him again."

"Oh, Bells, I'm sorry." She lifted the covers and laid down hugging me. "It's been awhile since you've dreamt about him."

"Yeah, I know. I just miss him so much you know?" I whispered.

"I know. So do I."

I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears.

"I think about him all the time" Alice whispered to me.

I forgot how close she was to Jasper. I felt selfish thinking I was the only one who missed him. "Do you think we'll ever see him again?"

"I hope so. I certainly hope so."

I felt Alice's tears soak through my shirt and I hugged her tightly. We cried with each other in silence neither one of us needing to say a thing.

We never talked about it because talking about it meant that it would have to be dealt with. But how do you deal with losing someone? Someone who just up and disappeared without a trace? Without a word? Leaving behind those who loved them more than anything? Is it even something you can deal with?

Jasper was my brother, my best friend. He was Alice's boyfriend, her everything. We lost everything when he disappeared. We lost ourselves.

"Where did it all go wrong, Bella?" Alice asked. I didn't realize that I had gotten so lost in my thoughts.

"I don't know, babe. I just don't know. I thought he was doing fine. We all did. It's not like him to just up and leave. Something must have happened to make him feel he had to go."_ Will the pain ever go away?_ I wondered.


	5. Parks, Picnics, and Ice Cream

****Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight related**  
**

* * *

_Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby  
Does the site of me wanting you drive you crazy  
Do I have your love, am I'm still enough  
Tell me don't I, or tell me do I baby  
Give you everything that that you ever wanted  
Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely  
Do I just need to give up and get on with my life  
Baby, do I_  
- Luke Brian "Do I"

---

Somehow I fell back into a deep sleep. I was awoken by my cell phone ringing and I groaned reaching for it.

"Hello?" I said, groggily.

"Hey Bella, it's Rose. Did I wake you? I hope not. Anyway, I just wanted to see if you would come over and watch just Bobby today. Emma has school and I have some appointments with Emmett," she said quickly.

"Uh… Yeah… Jus, uh, ahh," I tried to get my brain to work, but all that came out was a bunch of nonsense.

"What?"

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, willing my brain to wake up. "I honestly don't know what I just said. I think I was trying to say yeah, just give me a few minutes to get ready, okay?"

Rose started laughing, "Alright, Bella. See you soon."

"Alright," I said, hanging up the phone. I was kind of nervous about going back over to Rose's. I wasn't quite sure how I should feel about Edward coming on to me. I had such conflicted emotions and it felt like it was too much to take.

_But they really need a nanny, and you really need a job._ I berated myself.

I looked over and saw Alice was stirring in my bed. "Did that wake you up too?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. I need to get up anyway. Are you heading out to baby sit again?"

"Mhm," I responded, still trying to make myself wake up. "I'm going to have to work out a schedule with Rose because I can't keep being woken up by her phone calls."

Alice laughed at me.

"What's so funny?"

"You're just such a grumpy person in the mornings."

"Ha… Ha…," I laughed, sarcastically. "I hate mornings, and you know it! Anyway, I guess I need to go get ready now." I dragged myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom, starting the shower up.

Alice leaned against the open door. "What are you going to do today? I mean, like what are you planning on doing?"

"With Bobby? I don't know. Take him to the park or something I guess."

"That sounds cool. If I didn't have school today I'd offer to come along."

"Oh, no, it's totally fine, Ally. I'm sure I'll be able to figure something out and keep him entertained," I smiled at her reassuringly.

Alice, being Alice, was able to see right through my smile. She walked over and hugged me. "It won't always hurt so badly," she whispered, releasing me and walking away.

_Was she talking about my dream? Or does she know about my dilemma with Edward?_ I wondered.

I took a shower, trying to relax my tense muscles and forced myself to think of things to do today, instead of the dream that suffocated me so much lately.

I dried myself off and got dressed; deciding that today would just be spent at the park feeding the ducks or something. I sent Rose a text message letting her know that I was on my way to her house.

I spent the entire hour I had driving to Rose's to think about anything but the things that had led me to where I was. I wasn't depressed per say, but I wasn't happy either. I was somewhere sort of in the middle.

Pulling into Rose's driveway I got out of my car, happy to have Bobby as a distraction for the day.

I knocked on the door and a man I had never met before answered. He was very tall and muscular, standing at about 6'5". He had an oval face with dimples and slightly curly, dark brown hair, giving him a childish look, and the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen.

"Hey there, you must be Bella!" he said, shaking my hand.

"Yes, I am," I replied, shaking his hand back. "And you are…?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm so used to everyone around here knowing who I am already," he chuckled. "I'm Emmett."

I smiled and nodded my head. "Ah… Yes."

_Wow, he's a looker! It was easy to see why Rose likes him._

"Well, come on in," Emmett said as he ushered me in.

I walked in and looked around. "Where's Rose?"

"She's taking a shower, I believe."

"Hm… Alright. And Bobby is…?"

"He's in the playroom upstairs, ready for you," he chuckled again.

"What's so amusing?" I questioned.

"He's been pretty grumpy all morning, so Rose and I were hoping that spending time with you will help put him in a better mood."

I raised my eyebrow and started to reply but Bobby came running down the stairs.

"Bella! Bella! I can't wait to play with you today!" he said, hugging my legs.

"I can't wait to play with you either, Bub. Do you want to go to the park?" I asked him, smiling.

"Yeah! Can we feed the duckies?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Yay! Come on, let's go now!" he exclaimed, grabbing my hand.

"Not so fast. Your mom wanted to talk to Bella for a minute." Emmett said.

Bobby started pouting and sat down on the stairs, "Okay…"

I felt pretty awkward just standing there not knowing what to say to Emmett. He seemed pretty intimidating, and I wasn't one hundred percent sure what was going on with him and Rose.

"Hey Bella!" Rose said, descending the stairs. I was so jealous of her beauty. She made me feel like the ugly duckling whenever we were in the same room.

"Hey Rose," I said, smiling. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm alright. Emmett and I have a few appointments to run to today. Thank you so much for watching Bobby again!" she said, hugging me.

"Oh, it's no problem. We're going to go to the park and feed the ducks today."

"Well that sounds like a lot of fun. You're so good with the kids, Bella." Rose smiled at me.

I stood there awkwardly for another minute. "Well, um, I guess we'll go now. Do I need to pick Emma up from school or anything? Anything in particular you need me to do today?"

"You will probably have to pick Emma up from school, and Edward will be home around 3 today, so it's really up to you on whether you want to have dinner here or go out. Emmett and I will be gone for most of the day. Edward will pay you for the day."

_Edward's going to be home early and she's going to be out with Emmett going to "appointments?" It's easy to see why Edward thinks she's cheating on him with her._

I felt a little nervous realizing that I was going to be alone with Edward for quite some time when I got home with the kids. "Alright, sounds cool. Have fun at your appointments," I said, as I bent down and helped Bobby put his shoes on. "What time does Emma get out of school?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. She gets out at 1:30 today."

I nodded my head and stood up. "Alright, well, I guess I'll talk to you later then. Bye Rose. Nice meeting you, Emmett."

"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" Bobby said while pulling on my hand.

Rose and Emmett laughed. "Have fun!"

I rolled my eyes and walked out the door. "Bye!"

---

I started driving to the park and realized that I didn't have any bread or anything for Bobby to feed to the ducks. Knowing that it would be next to impossible to quickly run into a store to get something with him in tow, I did the only thing I could do. I sent Jacob a quick text asking if he would mind helping me out with this today.

I giggled as I read his reply, **"_As you wish. I'll also get some stuff to have a picnic with_."**

He knew that _The Princess Bride_ was one of my favorite movies. Wesley was always saying it to Buttercup. It was his way of saying, "I love you" to her. Shaking my head I wondered briefly what life would be like if I just took a leap and let Jacob be more than just my friend. He was always looking out for me and trying to put my best interests first, but he did seem a bit manipulative sometimes. I did enjoy spending time with him, I just wasn't sure if I wanted to spend all my time with just him.

I pulled into the parking lot at the park and got Bobby out of his car seat. I opened my trunk and pulled out the blanket I always kept back there in case I ever needed it. Bobby took my hand and we walked over to a nice shady tree that was next to the playground and near the pond. "Did you want to play on the playground for a couple minutes?"

Bobby nodded his head and took off. I was thankful that he was so independent. There weren't many other kids playing so I wasn't too worried about him being over on the playground by himself.

I laid the blanket down and took my shoes off. Sitting down, I watched Bobby play on the slide.

All of a sudden someone grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth to keep me from screaming. "Stay very still and you won't get hurt," a gruff voice said.

I felt the panic rising up in my chest looking around to see if anyone was seeing this exchange going on. Seeing no one around, I felt even more freaked out.

"I'm going to let go now. Don't scream. Don't draw attention," the voice said.

I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. The hands released me and I took in a deep breath, prepared to scream.

"Don't scream!" the voice said. Then there was laughter.

I spun around and came face to face with Edward.

_Oh no… What was he doing here? He was supposed to be at work and he scared me half to death. Yet, I still felt a bit excited._ I had adrenaline coursing through my veins from him sneaking up on me, and the adrenaline was quickly turning into lust. Trying to push it away I decided flirtatious anger would be the best route to go.

"What the hell?" I yelled, slapping him. "That wasn't funny! You scared me so bad, I almost peed my pants! And why are you even here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Whoa, take a breath there sweetheart," he replied, trying to stifle his laughter. "I work right over there," he pointed. "And I'm here because I was taking a walk trying to clear my head when I saw you with my son."

"Bella?" I heard another voice ask.

I turned around and saw Jacob standing there, his arms full of grocery bags. "Hey, Jake, here let me help you." I grabbed a couple bags and set them down.

Edward and Jacob were eyeing each other like they wanted to have a pissing contest.

"Um… Jake, this is Edward. Edward, this is Jake." I said, introducing them to each other. They just looked at each other and then back at me.

I took a deep breath and walked over to where Bobby was still playing. "Hey Bud, do you want to eat, or do you want to feed the duckies first?"

"Duckies first!" he exclaimed.

"Alright, well let's go grab some bread."

As we walked back to where Edward and Jacob were, Bobby saw his dad and ran straight for him. "Dad! What are you doing here?" he asked, hugging him around his legs.

"I was just taking a walk and ran into Bella," he replied.

I raised my eyebrow._ Ran into Bella? Ha! More like snuck up on me and scared me half to death._ I thought to myself.

"We're gonna feed the duckies! Do you want to come with us?" Bobby asked, looking at his dad.

"I'm sorry Bub, I have to get back to work. But I'll be home early and we can do something then," Edward replied.

"Aw, alright," Bobby said, looking a bit sad. "Bye dad."

Edward bent down and hugged Bobby tightly. "Be a good boy. I'll see you later."

"I will."

"I'll see you later as well, Bella," he said, smiling.

Jacob just stood there and glared at him.

"Um, yeah... Later," I shrugged at Jacob as Edward walked away. "Well, let's go feed those ducks."

---

"What was that all about?" Jacob asked, as Bobby was throwing pieces of bread into the pond.

"What was what all about?" I asked, pretending to not know.

"You and Edward. I saw him with his arms around you when I was walking up…" he trailed off.

"Oh, that was nothing. He scared me, is all."

"It didn't look like nothing. At least to Edward it didn't seem like it was nothing."

"Do I hear a jealous twinge in your voice, Jacob?" I joked.

"Maybe…," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'd rather keep you all to myself." he leaned down and kissed my neck.

I pushed him away. "Not right now Jake!" I hissed. "I don't want Bobby to go home and tell his parents that I was kissing a boy the whole time…"

"Just know that later tonight, I have plans that involve a lot more than kissing." he whispered to me.

I bit my lip and shivered.

Laughing, Jake went over and fed the ducks with Bobby.

I felt my phone buzz and saw that I had a message from Rose.

**_"How are things going? Hope Bobby is being good…Appointments are taking longer than expected. Don't forget Emma is out at 1:30..."_**

I sent her a quick reply. _****__"Things are fine. He's being a good boy. No worries, I haven't forgotten about Emma. See you later."_

I took a deep breath and walked over towards the boys. "Are you ready to eat now, Bobby?"

"No… Not yet. I wanna feed the ducks some more with Jake…" he whined.

"That's fine with me if it's alright with you, Bells…"

"Yeah it's fine." I said, letting my mind wander to Edward. I knew that he worked at the hospital but I didn't realize it was so close to this park. _Maybe I should come here more often by myself…_ I thought, chuckling to myself. He and I had always gotten along pretty well when I first met him. We still got a long, but it seemed like things had certainly gotten further than our intentional joking with one another. Sure, I had flirted with him shamelessly before Rose told me things weren't going well with him. I never dreamed that he would be interested in furthering things with me though.

_I shouldn't be interested in furthering things with him. He and Rose are still married. Cheating on someone in a marriage is never the answer._

_But you've thought about him in more than a friend way before you found out. Now he's thinking of you in a more than friend way._

_But, it's not right. Not when I have Jake and I don't even know what's going on there. Not when Edward has Rose and they're still together._

_You can still think about it though… there's nothing wrong with it if you don't act on it…_

Shaking off the internal debate I had with myself, I sat down on the blanket and started setting the food out on plates humming aimlessly to myself.

Jake and Bobby walked over and sat down.

"Are you guys ready to eat?" I asked.

"I'm starving!" Jake exclaimed.

"Me too!" Bobby said, obviously trying to copy Jake.

"Well let's run to the bathroom and use the potty and wash our hands really fast, alright Bobby?" I stood up and took his hand knowing that he wouldn't willingly go to the bathroom. "We'll be right back." I said, looking at Jacob. He nodded his head as we walked over to the bathrooms.

As we approached them Bobby let out a whine. "I wanna go in the boy's bathroom because I'm a boy!"

"I can't go in the boy's bathroom because I'm a girl." I simply stated.

"But I'm a boy and I wanna go in the boys bathroom!" he whined, again before throwing himself onto the ground in a temper tantrum.

I placed my head into my hands and rubbed my eyes.

_God, he's making such a scene._

_He's probably just tired. He's been running around the park and playing. Who knows what time he woke up this morning._

Sighing, I picked him up off the ground and carried him back over to Jacob. "So um… would you mind taking him to the boy's bathroom? Apparently it's a problem for him to go into the women's bathroom today."

Jake obviously sensed my frustration and took Bobby from my arms and helped him stand up. "Come on big boy… let's go into the boy's bathroom! I'll race you to it!"

"Okay!" Bobby said, running towards the bathroom giggling.

Now he's all smiles and rainbows and butterflies. I seriously do not want kids now.

"Make sure you wash your hands!" I called after them.

I walked to the women's bathroom and washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face. It felt like the day was never going to end.

_And you still have to pick up Emma soon. And deal with Edward at home. And figure out whether you want to make dinner or go out. And still hang out with Jake tonight._

"Ugh, will you just shut up?" I yelled to myself, thankful no one else was in the bathroom with me.

Walking out, I saw Jacob and Bobby already sitting back on the blankets and digging into the food. I stood back and watched for a minute. _He may not like kids, but kids love him. He's like a big puppy dog or something…_

Smiling, I sat down with them and got myself something to eat.

"Hey beautiful, what are you smiling about?" Jake asked me.

I shook my head, "Nothing really. I was just thinking about how much kids like you… it's like you're a big puppy dog to them or something…"

"The only person I want to act like a dog with is you…" he trailed off, winking.

"JAKE!" I yelled, slapping his chest.

He started laughing and I was thankful that everything had just gone over Bobby's head.

We finished eating and I started cleaning up and throwing our trash away while Jake played with Bobby on the playground.

"Bella, will you push me on the swings?" Bobby asked, running over to me and looking at me sweetly.

"Sure thing," I smiled.

I pushed him for a few minutes before he got bored and wanted off.

"Now it's your turn! I'll push you!" he said, with such enthusiasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I'd probably be too heavy for him to push, so I sat down on the swing anyway.

"Jake… Help me?" Bobby asked.

Jacob walked over and started helping Bobby push me on the swings.

I closed my eyes and let out a laugh before the panic of my dream came back.

_"What are you looking at?" he asked._

_"You. You're so different yet still very much the same" I responded._

_He rolled his eyes at my response and got out of the car walking to my door to open it up and help me out. "Let's go play on the swings before all the little kids here take over them!"_

_I looked around and laughed. "There's absolutely no one here but us. I think we'll get our turn on the swings."_

_"Well, come on then," he took off running. "Catch me if you can!"_

_I started chasing after him, giggling, "Stop! Wait for me!"_

"STOP!" I yelled, opening my eyes.

Jake grabbed the chains of the swings to help stop me from going any higher.

"Did we scare you, Bella?" Bobby asked, innocently.

"Yes, you did. You were going too high for me…" I said, my voice slightly trembling.

"Are you alright?" Jake whispered in my ear while helping me get out of the swing.

"Um… I'm fine…" I lied, pushing the thought of crying out of my head.

"For some reason, I don't believe you. But right now, you need to leave and pick up Emma or you'll be late."

I looked at my watch and gasped. "Shi-- shoot you're right!" I said, thankful that I stopped myself from cussing in front of Bobby. "Bobby, we need to pick up your sister from school now, so let's put your shoes on and get settled in the car. Say good-bye to Jake."

"Will you come play with us again, Jake?" Bobby asked, as he sat down putting his shoes on the wrong feet.

"Absolutely buddy." Jake said, leaning down and helping him out. "We'll play again for sure. And you…," he looked over at me. "We'll talk later…"

"Mhm… Sure, sure…" I mumbled. I didn't really want to tell Jake what had happened because I didn't want to think about it anymore. The only person I could really talk to about it was Alice, but I didn't even feel like talking to her.

I got Bobby into the car and hugged Jake good-bye, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You know I expect more than a kiss on the cheek later right."

"Oh, but I thought tonight was my night? Where you returned the favor from last night?" I teased, running my fingers over his lips.

"Believe me, I haven't forgotten," he winked at me, crushing his lips to mine.

I pulled myself back from him. "Not in front of Bobby, Jake…," I reminded him again.

"Fine, whatever…" he growled, before hugging me one last time and closing my car door for me once I got in.

I started up the car and pulled out of the parking spot, waving to him.

"Are you ready to see your sister?" I asked Bobby.

"Not really… She's kind of mean," Bobby said.

I started laughing. "Well Hun, that's one thing you'll learn as you grow up. Girls are mean sometimes."

--

Emma was standing outside the school looking around nervously when I pulled up.

_Hmm… that's weird. She's usually really happy and now she just looks sad. What's that all about?_ I wondered to myself.

I looked over and saw a group of kids pointing and staring at her.

Frowning, I was about to park the car and walk over to her when she looked up and saw me. She ran to the car and jumped in looking like she was about to burst into tears.

"Hey Em, what's wrong?"

"Can we please just go now?" she said with an obvious lump in her throat.

"Yeah, sure we can. Mind telling me what's wrong? You look like you've had a bad day…" I said, sympathetically while pulling away from the school.

"I did. Everyone is being so mean to me…" she said, finally letting the tears out.

I quickly pulled over into the nearest parking lot, thankful that there was an ice cream parlor at this location. I parked and got out of the car, opening the back door to hug her. "What were they being mean about?"

"They… they kept saying…," more tears started falling as she hiccupped, "th-that… my mo-om and dad don-don't…" she took a deep breath and held it trying to stop her hiccups. "They said that… my mom and dad don't love each other anymore… that they were going to get divorced and send me away."

Horrified, I hugged her tighter. "Why would those kids say that? They're too young to even be talking about something like that."

"It's what their moms and dads told them." Emma said, wiping her tears away.

"Oh honey, that's not true. They are not going to send you away."

"Are they going to send me away?" Bobby asked from his car seat with tears threatening to spill over in his eyes as well.

"No! Neither of you are going to be sent away. Your parents love you." I said, reassuringly. I unbuckled Bobby from his seat and helped him out of the car. I kneeled down and pulled them both into a hug. "Let's go get a treat, okay?"

They both nodded and Emma sniffled still trying to get her breathing back under control.

_Why would those kids say that? Why would their parents even say something like that in front of their children? I'm definitely going to have to talk to Edward tonight…_

I took their hands and we walked into the ice cream parlor. Their eyes lit up when they saw that they would be able to choose any flavor of ice cream and any topping they'd like.

_Ice cream always makes everything better._ I smiled to myself.

They ordered their ice cream and we sat down at a table to enjoy it. Emma started telling me about her day and how mean the kids were to her. As she was talking I couldn't help but let my mind wander while listening to her.

_What gives these people the right to talk about someone else's family like this? And why would they say anything in front of their children, knowing that kids don't have a filter and will say whatever they'd like in front of whomever they please._

"…And then they said that mommy is cheating on daddy with Emmett, and that daddy is trying to cheat on mommy with a whore…," she stopped and looked at me confused. "What do they mean by cheating? Mommy and daddy don't take tests… They're not in school anymore. And what's a whore? I asked the other kids but they didn't know either, they just said that that's what their mommy or daddy said."

I chuckled a little at her comment about cheating and tests, but blanched at the mention of these people saying that Edward was trying to cheat on Rose with a whore. What did they mean by that? The only time I had been out in public with Edward had been today at the park, and I didn't think that these people would've been talking about that incident so quickly. At least, their children wouldn't have heard about it yet.

_Unless Edward is seeing someone else and is just messing with my mind…_ My blood started to boil at that thought.

"Um… Why don't you just finish your ice cream and we'll talk about this with your dad later, alright?" I said to Emma.

She nodded and happily at her ice cream. Bobby was making a mess, with more of his ice cream landing on him and his clothes than in his mouth. I laughed. "Someone needs to take a bath when we get home, Buddy."

Sighing, I watched them finish their ice cream while I tried to figure out how I was going to approach Edward, and what I was going to say. I was nervous just thinking about it.


	6. Homework and Understanding

**A/N so this chapter is kinda short, and feels a bit like a filler, but it's important in the long run.  
**

****Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related**  
**

* * *

_Am I crazy? I feel lost in time  
You confuse me, have I lost my mind?  
Cause everything, everything makes me think of you  
And everything, everything that I wanna do  
I know you can see now when you look at me  
I want you, so tell me now  
Do you? Do you? Want me too?  
_The Veronicas - Everything

--

I was immediately regretting giving the kids sugar. We arrived home and they were bouncing off the walls when Edward walked in.

"Hey Bella, has Emma finished her homework yet?" he asked me absentmindedly as he sorted through the mail.

"No, not yet," I said as I shook my head, and chased after Emma.

I was starting to feel nervous knowing that I was going to have to talk to him. My mind kept flashing back to earlier today in the park. I had felt such fear, thrill, and arousal.

_Does everything make you horny?_

_Yeah, pretty much._

_Wow…_

_I know. Shut up._

_I can't shut up. I'm you.  
_  
Rolling my eyes at my internal dialogue, I tried to sit Emma down long enough to get her to do her homework.

"I just have math to do. Can I go play first, please?" she asked, looking up at me with a pout.

"You and Bobby were playing at the ice cream shop, and have been playing for the past twenty minutes since we got home. Your dad is here and asked me if you've finished it yet. So let's just hurry up and get it done. I'll help you."

"But I don't want to do my homework!" she whined.

"Too bad. You have to. Otherwise, I'm going to have to go tell your dad that you refuse to do it. Do you want me to do that?" _Please don't make me do it. I'm not ready to talk to him. _

"Go ahead. I don't care. Daddy won't make me do it, he'll let me play!" she practically screamed at me.

Walking out of the room, I quickly leaned against the wall and closed my eyes.

_Note to self: Sugar makes Emma a little brat! I'm so not ready to go talk to Edward._

_Because you don't want to talk to him... You want to jump him._

_Yeah, maybe. But right now, I need his help getting Emma to freaking listen to me!  
_  
Sucking it up, I walked into the living room where Edward was watching television.

"Hey Bella, were you successful at getting Emma to do her homework?" he asked, smiling up at me.

"Um… Not exactly. She's refusing to do it. I told her that you asked me to see if she did it yet, and she told me that you would let her play instead. I let her know that I was going to come down and ask you that," I said in a rush.

"Can you repeat that one more time?"

"Basically, Emma won't do her homework. She told me you'd let her play instead of doing it, and I told her that I was going to come and ask you and see if that was really the case. If it is, that's cool, but I was fairly certain that you'd say otherwise…,"

"Really now?"

I nodded my head and tried to avoid looking directly at him.

"It's Rose who lets her get away with whatever she wants. She's going to grow up thinking she can have her way just by whining," he said, getting up from the couch. "Let's go show her who's boss."

Groaning internally, I walked out of the room as he followed me.

"So how has your day been besides Emma acting up?"

"Um… it's been alright. Bobby was amazing at the park. However, when I picked Emma up, she was having a bad day, so I took the kids to the ice cream parlor…," I said nervously, "And Emma told me something interesting…"

"Interesting? What did she tell you?"

"She just talked to me about what the other kids at school are saying about your family…"

_I so do not want to have this conversation right now… Why can't I stop talking??  
_  
"What were the other kids saying?" Edward asked, completely oblivious to what I was about to tell him.

"Um… How about we talk about this after we get Emma to do her homework? I'd rather not do this right now," I whispered.

Edward just looked at me and nodded his head as we walked into Emma's room.

"Daddy!" Emma exclaimed, running and wrapping herself around his legs. "Bella is being mean! She said I have to do my homework, but I want to play!"

"Bella isn't being mean. She's telling you what to do. And what she tells you to do is what you're supposed to. She's the boss when your mom and I aren't here."

"But you're here now… So you're the boss!" she said, trying to find a way out of doing her homework.

"I may be here, but I still want you to listen to Bella. Please go sit down and do your homework, now," he said with authority in his voice.

"I don't want to!" she yelled.

"Honey, I don't care if you want to or not, you need to do your homework before you can go play."

"I hate you both! I want Mom home! She wouldn't make me do my homework! I like her and Emmett _so_ much better!"

Edward and I just looked at each other and rolled our eyes.

"Emma, even if your mom and Emmett were here, they'd make you do your homework," I said, trying to get her to listen.

"No they wouldn't," she said, with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Yes they would. Now, just sit down and do it. If you finish it, I promise that you can choose where we go for dinner," Edward said, trying to bargain with her.

I had to admire him in that moment. His daughter just told him that she hated him and he still didn't go off on her. Instead, he resorted to bribery.

Even I had to hold back from going off on her. _She's only seven. She shouldn't be acting like a teenager already!_

"So, um, I'm just going to go check on Bobby now…" I trailed off, watching as Edward and Emma both stared each other down.

_They're both used to getting what they want... Stubborn brats.  
_  
I giggled at the fact that I just called Edward a brat in my head and walked into Bobby's room seeing that he had finally crashed and was napping on his floor.

_So much for getting him to take a bath._

He was still a mess from earlier. I can get him cleaned up when he wakes up, I shrugged as I walked out of the room.

I walked by Emma's room and noticed her sitting at her desk doing her homework. Smiling in satisfaction, I walked downstairs and saw Edward standing in the kitchen.

_The kitchen… Where he kissed me last time. Fuck._

Taking a deep breath, I walked in, no longer able to prolong the inevitable.

"Hey," I said. "How'd you get Emma to do her homework?"

He chuckled. "We're going to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner."

"Oh… Great!" I said, sarcastically. Remembering the last time I was forced to go to the hell that is famous for its huge stuffed rat, I shuddered.

Edward noticed. "Do you seriously still hate going to Chuck E. Cheese?"

"Uh… yeah…, I do."

Rolling his eyes, he walked into the living room and sat down. He patted the seat next to him on the couch. "Sit down. You might as well relax now before we're forced to visit that place of sickness."

"I ended up in the hospital for two weeks because that place made me so sick!" I complained.

"Yeah, I remember hearing about that. You were like, what, ten? I was hanging out with Jasper, and your foster mom came over and made him go to the hospital to see you."

"I thought I was going to die. I wanted to see my brother." I laughed, but felt sad immediately after. _How did he know about that? Jasper and Edward were hanging out?_ I masked my emotions and looked at the television. "Rachael Ray? Do you cook, or do you just like to watch cooking shows?"

"I can't cook at all. I just like to watch her," he said, and we both started laughing.

"You're a very… Strange person, Edward." I joked.

"And you, Bella, are a very… Strange person yourself." he said, placing his hand on my thigh.

I giggled again and made myself more comfortable on the couch. Sitting cross-legged, I decided that I should finally just get the questioning over with.

"Edward?"

"Bella?"

"Um… Emma told me that the kids at school are being mean to her…,"

"Mean to her how?" he asked, placing his hand on my thigh again, just a little bit higher this time.

_Whoa there, Buddy… If you move your hand any higher, you'll make me feel even more conflicted._

"They're saying that Rose is cheating on you with Emmett…," I took a deep breath, "And that you're cheatingonherwithsomewhore," I rushed out.

Edward looked at me confused. "Again, please? You need to work on talking slower; I'm having a hard time understanding you."

_Because I really, really don't want to say this…_

"They say that Rose is cheating on you with Emmett, and that you're cheating on her with some whore."

Edward grimaced. "I had heard the rumors about Rose and Emmett, the Soccer Moms talk. As for me and a whore? They probably saw me out with one of the nurses from the hospital a few nights ago…," he said, trailing off.

I must have looked shocked because he put his hand on my thigh again.

_That physical contact shouldn't feel so good._

_Wait, no… he's been out with someone else, doing who knows what… AND he's still married to Rose… Who is my friend… My really good friend.  
_  
"Um… Edward… Don't you care at all about Rose?"

He looked like he was choosing his words carefully before he spoke. "I do care about Rose, but there's a ten year age difference between us. I got married at eighteen... I ended up with a kid not too long after that, and then another one. That's just a lot of responsibility, and don't get me wrong, I love my life, I love my children, and I love Rose - but not the same way I loved her when we first met. I'm not the same person anymore. You should be able to see that, Bella. Your brother and I were friends growing up. We weren't inseparable, but we hung out in the same group. When a woman showed interest in me, I jumped at the chance to be 'cool' and went out with her. I never imagined my life this way. When Rose and Emmett found each other again, I tried to fight it. This has been going on for quite some time, Bella. I fought long and hard for her, but in the end, she made her choice. Her decision is quite clear. We've been meeting with a marriage counselor, but, it's over. For her and for me."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't really remember him from when we were kids, but then again Jasper and his friends would always ditch me, so I'd just play with Alice.

_Wow, never really realized that Jasper and Edward were friends when we were kids. That is so strange! How could I forget someone like him?_ I wondered.

Without really thinking about it, I leaned over and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry you and Rose are finished, and I'm sorry life isn't what you thought it would be, it never is," I whispered.

Edward returned my hug with ferocity. "Life just sucks most of the time."

I laughed. "Believe me, I know."

Emma walked into the room right as we finished our embrace. "I'm done with my homework, so let's go to Chuck E. Cheese now!" she exclaimed.

"Go wake up your brother then," Edward said.

I groaned knowing that waking a kid from a nap was going to turn the evening into a really interesting event.

"Bobby! Wake up!" she screamed, while running up the stairs.

I stood up and stretched a bit.

Edward placed his hand on the small of my back and the electricity from his touch went straight between my legs. "Are you ready to go have some fun?" he asked me sarcastically.

_I know what kind of fun I'd rather be having…_

_He's still married! He's still married! Remember that!_

_Yeah, but they're not really together anymore._

_Still doesn't make it right. His wife's you're friend!_

Sighing, I said, "As ready as I'll ever be."


	7. Drinking Games

**I fail. Enough said.**

**As always, thanks Kat.**

****Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.**  
**

* * *

_Take another shot of courage  
Wonder why the right words never come  
You just get numb  
Its another tequila sunrise.  
_- The Eagles "Tequila Sunrise"

---

"Oh. My. God. Why do parents take their kids to that place?" I whined in the car on the way home. Emma and Bobby had fallen asleep, completely spent from running around that place like the crazy children they were.

"Because they bargain with them to get them to do their homework," Edward said, laughing as he opened the garage and parked inside.

"I think I need a drink now," I joked.

"So do I," he said, winking at me. "You grab Emma, and I'll get Bobby out of his car seat."

I ran and opened the side door in the garage before heading back to the car to grab Emma. Edward and I walked into the house, carrying both the kids upstairs and into their rooms. Laying Emma into her bed, I took her shoes off and put her under the covers. I walked back downstairs just as Edward finished putting Bobby into his bed.

I flopped down onto the couch.

"Are you ready for that drink now?" Edward asked.

"Ugh, absolutely. Give me anything to calm my totally rational fears of feeling like I'm going to wake up dead in the morning!"

"Wake up dead? Really? You do know that's not possible right?"

"Shut up!" I said, giggling.

I had missed our teasing and joking. It was something we used to do before he and Rose started having problems.

Edward walked out and got a couple shot glasses and some whiskey.

"Are you planning on getting me drunk?" I asked him, feeling a bit nervous.

"Not completely drunk, no. Maybe half way…," he said, winking.

I rolled my eyes and waited for him to finish pouring shots for the both of us. He handed me a glass and raised it. "Here's to making it out of that damn dreadful place alive."

I raised my glass and clinked it against his. "Hell. Yeah. I can drink to that." I downed the shot and winced, feeling the burn of it against my throat as it went down.

"Would you like another one?" he asked, his voice sounding a bit gruff.

"Um… Sure… Maybe just one more."

He poured us more shots.

"Here's to… friends?" I said, not really sure what I should be toasting.

"That works for me."

I downed the shot as quickly as possible, relieved to find that it went down smoother this time. I smiled and felt heat spread to my face. "Keep them coming… I haven't had alcohol in awhile!" I exclaimed.

"Are you drunk already after two shots?" Edward asked, chuckling.

"Nope. Not really. I'm starting to feel good, and I want to feel amazing."

Just then Rose and Emmett walked into the living room.

"Having a little party in here are we?" Rose joked.

"Not really. I just really, really feel the need to drink after spending the day with your children, Rose," I told her, pretending to be serious.

"By all means, continue. Emmett and I will join you. We can turn this into a game," She said, walking out to grab two more shot glasses.

I felt myself getting nervous. _What kind of game? I've never really played a drinking game with anyone but Alice or Jake. And their games were always so different._

Rose came back into the room with a mischievous look in her eyes. "This game is easy, and we'll get drunk really fast."

Taking a deep breath I asked, "What's the game?"

Rose looked over at Emmett and Edward, both of them obviously already knowing what game she was talking about.

"It's basically a rhyme game. Someone says a word and we go around in a circle saying a word that rhymes with what the other person just said. You have five seconds to say a word. If you can't come up with anything quick enough, you have to take a shot. Make sense?"

I nodded, hoping that my brain wouldn't fail me now.

"Do you want to go first, Bella?" Edward asked me.

"Um… sure? So I just say a word?"

Everyone nodded.

"Uh… luck?"

"This is an easy one…," Emmett snickered. "Fuck."

"Suck." Edward said.

"Duck." Rose replied.

"Um…," My mind definitely wasn't working fast enough.

"Your five seconds are up, Bella! Bottoms up!" Emmett yelled.

Groaning, I quickly downed the shot. The whiskey stilled burned as it went down my throat.

"Alright, it's Emmett's turn to start this up again," Rose said.

The game continued several more rounds. By the end of it, we were all sloshed. I was thankful my mind wasn't the only one not working quick enough tonight.

I felt all giggly and warm inside. It had been awhile since I'd had any real fun with anyone outside of Alice and Jake.

As if reading my mind, Edward asked, "So Bella, what is up with you and Jake? I think he actually growled at me when he met me."

This simple statement sent everyone into hysterics.

_Oh yes, we're definitely way far gone._

"He's just a friend," I replied, hoping I wouldn't be forced to disclose any more information about our complicated relationship.

"Is he sticking it in you?" Emmett asked, snickering.

I felt my face redden from more than just the alcohol.

Rose smacked the back of his head. "Emmett!"

"What? She's a very cute girl, and I was just wondering if she was getting any action is all…" he said, trailing off.

Edward and I locked eyes and I could tell that he was curious about this answer too.

"Um… I do get action…I guess Jake and I are what you would call 'friends with benefits'…," I said, blushing again, but feeling bold from the alcohol. "Does he stick it in me? I'm not even going to go there. And I know no one asked, but would I like more from him? Kind of. But Jake doesn't really see me that way. He's a musician… he gets girls all the time. I'm just his guarantee is all. I'm not good enough to be anything more than that."

I didn't realize that I had gone into a full out rant about Jake and my insecurities until I saw everyone looking at me as If I had grown another head within the past few minutes. I poured myself another shot and quickly downed it, barely tasting it at all. "Enough about me…" I said trailing off, hoping we could move onto another subject.

Emmett was the first to speak up. "Well, it's about time someone scored around here." His expression looked so serious, as he winked at me.

I couldn't help it. I started laughing hysterically. Rose and Emmett joined in.

_He expects me to believe that no one is getting laid around here?_

That thought made me laugh even harder. As I was wiping a tear from my eye, I caught Edward looking at me intensely. I turned away and placed a pillow over my face trying to calm myself down.

_Breathe, Bella, breathe._

"Well, I think I'm officially wasted," I giggled.

"I think we all are," Rose agreed, giggling with me.

"I need sleeeeeep!" Emmett whined.

Edward just sat on the couch next me being really quiet and I wondered if he had fallen asleep.

"I think I need to use the bathroom," I said, getting up and staggering out of the room.

I made my way up the stairs, stumbling into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it.

I stood there and stared at my reflection.

_How could anyone be into me? I'm not much to look at. It's no wonder Jake and I aren't committed to one another. He's able to get action from other girls, and I'm left pining after him._

Sighing, I turned on the cold water in the sink and splashed my face a few times. I patted my face with a towel, and walked out of the bathroom, turning the light off.

Still thinking about the fact that no one could possibly be into me, I was startled into the present by walking right into Edward.

He grabbed my arms to keep me from falling backwards. "Are you alright? You seemed to be in another world."

"Oh, um, yeah, I'm fine. Was just thinking…"

"You seemed really deep in thought," he said, with his hands still wrapped around my arms.

"Yeah, I was. I was just thinking about how it's stupid of me to be pining over Jake, when he clearly gets what he wants, when he wants it from a ton of other willing girls. I'd never be good enough for him anyway."

Edward's eyes flashed with what seemed like anger. "Don't ever say that Bella. You are good enough. In fact, you're better than him."

"Uh huh, sure," I said, suddenly feeling breathless at the sight of Edward angry. _Wow, he's really breathtakingly beautiful._

Edward's eyes darkened and I blushed suddenly, realizing that I hadn't just thought that, but said it out loud also.

"Do I take your breath away, Bella?" He leaned in, whispering into my ear.

I closed my eyes and nodded, suddenly unable to speak.

He slowly and hesitantly leaned forward and kissed me. Expecting it to be just a peck, my body got the best of me as I involuntarily thrust my tongue into his mouth, taking him by surprise and causing him to moan. I pulled back and started biting his bottom lip and traced my tongue over it lightly, teasing him. He groaned and stuck his tongue out, capturing mine, while it glided smoothly over the inside of his lip. Our tongues battled for dominance and I let him take over.

His hands started moving up and down my body, tracing patterns with his fingertips lightly, causing me to shudder. He let out a small chuckle and continued touching me. His hands came up to my breasts, teasing the nipples, causing them to harden. I felt wetness pool between my legs, and it was my turn to moan.

He pulled his mouth back from me and whispered, "Do you feel what you do to me?" as he bent down enough to rub his erection against me.

I whimpered and nodded, wanting more friction.

He started kissing and licking and sucking on my neck causing me to rub myself against him.

"You're making me feel so hot right now," I whispered in his ear, tracing the shell of it with my tongue. He shuddered and it caused me to smile, knowing that I could work him up as well.

He pushed me against the wall and I jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist, rubbing myself into him, causing some sweet friction.

"Bella! Are you doing alright up there?" Rose's voice called out, immediately snapping me out of the drunken, lust filled haze I was in.

"Um… yeah… I'm alright!" I yelled back, my voice shaking slightly.

Edward had his head resting against the wall. "I'm sorry Bella. I don't know what came over me…"

I shook my head. "Um, I better go back downstairs now. I'll see you in a few minutes."

I walked away quickly, and smoothed out my hair, hoping Rose didn't notice and question what had gone on upstairs.

---

I woke up feeling stiff, not realizing I had fallen asleep on the couch. Closing my eyes again, I stretched and turned over on my side, attempting to get myself up.

I opened my eyes to a little face peering into mine.

"You're awake! And you slept over! Yay! We can play all day!" Emma yelled.

I cringed and cursed myself internally for drinking so much. Forcing myself to sit up, I grabbed my head hoping that holding it would stop the pain.

"Yes, I'm awake and I slept over," I said, attempting to smile but failing miserably.

"Can we go play now? Please?"

Putting my face in my hands, I rubbed my eyes with my palms. "Um, can I go use the bathroom first?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sometimes I forget that you're a person too… I'm just so excited to have someone to play with!" Emma exclaimed.

Chuckling at her comment about me being a real person, I stood up and narrowed my eyes, hating the feeling of this hangover. I ran to the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time to spew my guts.

_Did that really happen last night?_ I wondered as I sat down on the floor pressing my face into the cool tile wall.

_Yes, it did happen, Bella. You kissed Edward, then proceeded to rub yourself all on him._

_I'm really fucked._

_But not as fucked as you wanted to be last night._

_Ugh, shut up… I can't deal with this right now._

_You're going to have to deal with it soon or later…_

Standing up, I splashed cold water on my face once again and took in my reflection in the mirror. My hair was knotted and all over the place, my cheeks were flushed, and my eyes were bloodshot.

_I really do look as horrible as I feel._

I walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, looking around for a cup to get myself some water or coffee, or anything really.

I leaned against the island in the center of the room and placed my hands in my head again, feeling like I should just be struck down with lightening to end my misery.

"Are you feeling as horrible as I do today?" Rose asked, breaking me out of my silent prayer for lightening.

"Ugh, yes. Do you have any aspirin and some water I can drink?"

"Sure thing." She walked over and grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and put some ice and water in the cup. Handing it to me, I started drinking it quickly. I felt like I had swallowed a bunch of sand or something.

Rose walked back in and handed me some aspirin. "Here you go. Just so you know, you don't have to stay and play with Emma today… You can go home and rest."

"Are you sure? I feel like I'll be disappointing her if I go home and don't play with her," I said, sighing a breath of relief.

"Yes, I'm sure. She needs to realize that you're not here just to play with her. You need to play with the adults sometimes, too." she said, winking.

I blushed, thinking about how I was doing just that last night. With her husband.

"You can come over later tonight if you'd like. The guys are going to play Rockband, and they could always use another bass player or singer…"

"Oh… okay. I'll let you know…," I said, trailing off.

_Edward and Emmett get along surprisingly well. I feel like I'm in some screwed up horror movie, just waiting for the killing to begin…_

Rose smiled at me as I began to gather my belongings. I was in a hurry to get out of there before Edward saw me. I knew that it was going to be an awkward morning after.

"Hey Rose…," I said, suddenly having a thought.

"Yes?"

"Did Emmett stay the night last night too?"

"Yeah he did. Why?"

"I was just wondering is all… Well, I'll call you later," I said, practically sprinting to the door.

"Bye Bella!"

I walked outside into the bright sunlight and squinted.

_Note to self: hangovers and sun do not mix._

I dug around in my purse searching for my car keys, pulling out my cell phone in the process.

_Fifteen missed calls? Must've been Alice._

I shrugged and quickly sent her a text letting her know that I was headed home, and that I was most likely just going to crash, and catch a couple more hours of sleep.

I spent the hour drive on the way home remembering the way Edward's lips had felt against mine.

_It was so wrong. But still so right._

I had never experienced anything like it before. It'd felt like we were being pulled together like magnets, unable to break apart.

I didn't realize that I had gotten home so quickly. I got out of my car and walked into my apartment, calling out to Alice.

_Huh, not home. Oh well… If she was home, she'd know something was up with me._

I decided to take a quick shower before lying in bed.

I turned on the water and started getting undressed. As I took off my shirt, I lifted it to my nose, inhaling it.

_It still smells like him…_

Feeling like an idiot for doing this, I quickly threw the shirt down and got into the shower.

The hot water felt good against my aching muscles. I let it soothe me into oblivion before I got out and got dressed.

I climbed into bed and tried to get over the nagging feeling that there was something I was forgetting.

--

_We were lying in my bed kissing each other. It was unlike any other kiss I had received before. As his tongue entered my mouth, I felt my entire body start to tingle at the sensation. I rolled over on top and pushed myself against him. I felt him growing harder under me, and it made a pool of wetness flow between my legs._

_He rolled us over and started pulling my clothes off of me. I moaned at the feeling of his hands touching my bare skin. I rubbed my thighs together trying to create some friction._

_He started trailing his tongue down my body, paying special attention to my painfully hard nipples._

_He went lower, kissing the inside of my thighs, teasing me._

_"Please…" I whispered, desperate for him to give some type of relief._

_He slid a finger into me, and I arched up, silently begging for more. He leaned down and licked me with one long stroke, causing me to cry out._

_"More, please… I need more…"_

_I squeezed my eyes shut as he licked me again, and thrust another finger into me._

_"Oh fuck… yes… faster… harder… please…" I gasped out, feeling my muscles start to tighten._

_"I want to watch you cum," he said as he looked up at me from between my legs._

I opened my eyes and gasped.

"Jake…?"

I sat up straight in bed.

"Oh fuck. I forgot about Jake!" I said out loud.


	8. Reality

****Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, just this storyline****

* * *

_"Every now and then  
I get a little lost  
The strings all get tangled  
The wires all get crossed  
Every now and then  
I'm right upon the edge  
Dangling my toes out over the ledge  
I just thank God you're here  
Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
When I'm a firecracker coming undone  
When I'm a fugitive ready to run  
All wild-eyed and crazy  
No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
Baby you save me…"_

_- _Kenny Chesney_ "You Save Me"_

**--------**

I was dreading having to face Jake, so I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I hid.

I hid out in my apartment for two weeks, ignoring phone calls and texts from not only Jake, but Rose as well. I was starting to feel really guilty for attacking Edward the way that I did.

Sighing, I continued mindlessly surfing through the channels on the television while I waited for Alice to arrive home.

She didn't understand my sudden anti-social behavior, but didn't really question me about it, for which I was thankful.

I started to zone out and was brought back to earth by the sound of my phone ringing. Yet again. I looked down at the caller ID.

_Jake- Cell._

_Ugh. I need to get this over with. This is just going to make him even angrier with me, but I really don't feel like talking to anyone, much less him._

I hit the ignore button again and snuggled up against the couch cushions, wishing I could go back in time.

I heard the apartment door open and close. "Bella?" Alice called out softly.

"Hi, Alice."

She walked over to where I was snuggling on the couch and sat down on the floor facing me. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm alright. I'm sorry I've been acting so strange lately. I just… I… I feel like I shouldn't get close to anyone, because I'm just going to end up hurting everyone in the end…" I said, trying to hold back tears.

"Oh Bella, you've never hurt me, and I'd like to think we're pretty close. What's going on? You don't have to tell me, but I think you'd feel better if you did," she said, as she rubbed circles with her thumb over my hand.

"There's really not much to say right now I guess…," I said, hoping she would drop it. I wasn't ready to tell her everything.

She just looked at me and nodded. "So, Jake called me today. Said that he couldn't get through to you and really wanted you to come out to his gig at the bar tonight…"

"Um… I'm not sure if I should. I haven't seen or talked to him in a couple weeks, and it just wouldn't feel right.," I said, biting my lip.

"Too bad. I actually already told him that we were going to come tonight. Sooo, suck it up and take a shower and get ready. I want to go out to dinner with my best friend, and have an actual conversation where you use your words."

"But… I just—,"

Alice cut me off. "Too bad. No buts about it."

Sighing, I got up off the couch and mumbled, "Such an annoying little person."

"Oh, you know you love me, Bella!" She said, calling after me.

"Yeah, whatever!"

I heard her laughing and smiled.

Walking into my room, I looked around.

_This place looks disgusting. _

I stripped the sheets off my bed and started picking up around my room.

_How did I become such a slob? _I thought as I picked up an empty carton of ice cream, too afraid to look and see if anything was growing inside.

I gathered all the trash in my room and sprinted to the kitchen to throw everything in the trash, then went back and grabbed my sheets and the dirty clothes I had found and put them in the washing machine. Finally satisfied with my room looking somewhat cleaner, I decided I might as well take a shower and get ready to go out.

_Stupid, Alice. Why does she have to drag me out like this?_

_Well, one, because you really need to get out, and two, you're actually looking forward to it._

_Uh, no I'm not._

_Uh, yes you are. Having Alice there will help to be a buffer between you and Jacob. He won't try to cause a scene with you if she's there._

_Hm… you're right._

_I'm always right._

_Keep telling yourself that._

_I will._

"I really do need to get out and be around other people," I whispered to myself, shaking my head. I couldn't believe I was carrying on conversations in my head.

I took my time in the shower, enjoying the feel of the hot water relaxing my muscles.

As soon as I finished drying off I put on my bathrobe and walked into my room, trying to figure out what to wear. I rummaged in my closet and grabbed a couple shirts to pair with my favorite pair of jeans.

"Um, No. You are **not **wearing that!" Alice said, walking into my room.

"Why not?" I asked, looking in the mirror feeling satisfied with what I had chosen.

"Because you haven't seen Jake in awhile, and you have to look hot!" She said, looking at me like I was mentally incompetent and unable to comprehend her words. "You are going to wear a white tank top with your jeans."

"Why? I hate wearing white. I'll spill something on me… you know how uncoordinated I am," I whined.

"Because, blue jeans and white tank tops drive guys wild. It's simple. It's sexy. It's what you need. Now, do as I say or you will receive the wrath of Alice!" She said, trying not to laugh.

"Oh, no! Anything but the wrath of Alice! I'm _so _scared!" I joked, sarcastically, trying to stifle the laughter that wanted to escape my body.

Alice glared at me trying to look intimidating. "Do as I say, woman! I'm going to stand here until you put on what I told you to wear."

Rolling my eyes, I sighed and grabbed my undergarments and the clothes Alice chose for me and ran to the bathroom.

_Stupid, evil, Tinkerbell loser. Thinking she can tell me what to wear._

_You're listening to her aren't you?_

_Shut up._

_You shut up._

_Ugh, I am not going to sit here and fight with you!  
_

_You mean… with yourself?_

"Gaaaahhhh!" I screamed out.

"Bella? What's wrong? What are you screaming about?" Alice asked, pounding on the door.

"Um… nothing, really…," I said, not wanting to reveal to my best friend that I had been arguing with myself in my head. "I just think I'm going to look ridiculous wearing this, because by the end of the night, this shirt will be stained with whatever decides it wants to be on me tonight."

"Too bad. You still have to wear it."

I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out, shrugging. "Whatever, Alice. You know you'll always win when we fight over clothes."

"Yes, I will. Just remember that!" She said, giggling. "Now, let's do something about that hair…"

---

An hour and a simple ponytail later Alice and I arrived at the bar where Jake was going to be playing.

_Take deep breaths, Bella. There's no need to be nervous._

"Are you ready for this?" Alice asked, turning to face me in the car.

"I don't know…," I said, stalling. "I don't think this is such a great idea. I mean, I forgot to meet up with Jacob, forgot to call him, and have been ignoring his calls and texts. He's going to be so mad at me."

"He's not going to be mad at you once he gets a look at how hot your tits look in that shirt."

"ALICE!" I screeched, "Must you be so vulgar?"

"You know you love it."

"Yeah, I do." I said, laughing.

"Now, get out of the car, Bella."

I sighed. "I'm trying to. I really am."

"Don't make me drag you by the hair."

I immediately jumped out of the car, knowing she'd follow through with that threat.

Alice grabbed my hand and marched up to the bouncer at the door. "Hi, we're on the list, under Bella." She said, as I looked at her confused.

"Jake put your name on it, in hopes that you'd show up tonight."

"Oh, okay."

The bouncer stamped our hands and let us in.

I headed towards the bar and ordered a double shot of tequila. "I need some liquid courage," I told Alice as I downed it as quickly as possible.

Smiling, she ordered a couple more shots and led us to one of the bar tables that had a reserved sign on it.

"Jacob?" I asked.

"Jacob," She confirmed.

We sat down and settled in, watching the band that was on the stage. I looked around to see if I noticed Jake anywhere, but figured he probably wasn't going to show up until he was due onstage.

"So, how are you doing, Bella?" Alice asked, drawing my attention back to her.

"I'm fine." I said, forcing a smile. "How are _you,_ Alice?"

"I'm great, I'm wonderful, I'm splendid, I'm suburb, I'm worried about you."

"Why would you be worried about me?"

"Hm, I wonder. Maybe it's the fact that you're ignoring everyone and retreating into yourself, refusing to talk to anyone."

I looked at Alice shocked. "What are you talking about? I talk to you, don't I?"

"No, not really. You only answer what you want to, and completely zone out. It's as if you're not here."

"I am here. I'm right here." I said, starting to get a bit angry.

"No. You're not. And it's starting to remind me of when Jas…" Alice stopped talking and looked away.

"It's starting to remind you of what?" I asked raising my voice, not caring about the fact that I was starting to cause a scene. "Of when my brother decided to leave? When he said a silent good-bye? Is that it?"

"Bella, shh, keep it down."

"I will not keep it down! Just because I don't want to talk to you about what's going on doesn't mean you have the right to bring up him leaving!" I practically screamed. I got up and walked to the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey.

I didn't want to look back at the table because I was afraid to look at Alice.

_You're being such a bitch._

_Shut up. Don't you think I know that?_

_Why won't you just tell her that you're confused about your feelings for Jacob, and that you're torn over the fact that your friend's husband is pursuing you and you don't want to stop him?_

_Because I don't want to explain. I just want things to be easy._

_Things are never easy._

_Shouldn't everything be black and white?_

_Unfortunately, life isn't always just black and white._

_Ugh, I just… just don't want to tell her. Especially about the fact that I practically jumped Edward's bones. He's married!_

_And it didn't stop you, did it?_

_It didn't, but it should._

_And yet, you're still thinking about going back for more._

…

_You don't have a response for that one do you oh, wise one?_

_*sigh*_

_Sigh all you want. You know the part of me that you're arguing with is right._

_Yes, yes I know. Shut up._

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around expecting it to be Alice. "Look, Alice, I…" Only it wasn't Alice. It was Jake.

I jump a bit, startled.

_Don't pee yourself now._

_I won't._

"Hi Jake…" I said, softly, looking down at my feet.

"Hi, Bella."

"I'm really sorry that I've been such a bad friend lately. I just… I don't know what I want anymore."

"It's alright, Bella. I'm just hurt that my best friend decided to ignore me without much of an explanation after standing me up a couple weeks ago," he said, placing his hand under my cheek and lifting my face up so he could look me in the eyes. I smelled the alcohol on his breath, and knew that was the reason why he was so calm with me.

I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over, and swallowed back the lump that started to rise in my throat. "I don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry."

"Right now, it looks like I'm not the only one you should be saying sorry to." He nodded in the direction of Alice.

Finally looking over, I saw her with her face in her hands and her tiny body shaking. Feeling guilty I looked back up at Jacob.

"What's going on with you, Bella?" he asked, pulling me into a tight embrace and wiping away a tear that made its way down my cheek.

_Stupid betrayal tear._

I pulled away and looked up at him again. "I don't know."

I walked over to Alice and sat down next to her, placing my arm around her shoulder. "Alice," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"It's okay, Bella. I'm just worried about you, is all."

"I know." I sighed. "I know."

I felt Jake's arm wrap around my waist and I turned my head and buried it in his shoulder, letting my tears finally spill over. He ran his fingers through my hair and rubbed my back soothingly.

The tears stopped soon after, but I didn't want to let go. I don't know how long we sat like that, but I'm sure people were staring and I didn't care.

"Bella…," Jake whispered into my hair. "I need to go get ready to go onstage."

I pulled back and nodded, rubbing my reddened eyes. I turned to Alice and she smiled at me.

Jake left us and I sighed again.

"Alright, what's the deal with that, Bella?" Alice immediately asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Well, you ignore him for two weeks; you become a bitch, leave me, go to the bar, come back with him and cry into his shoulder. What's going on with you two? Did you have a fight?"

"Not exactly. I just kind of stood him up in a way. In my defense, I was busy and just forgot about it, and didn't call him."

"Is this the same night that you didn't come home and showed up hung over the next day?"

I nodded.

"Where were you then? I thought you were with Jake that night."

I shook my head, no, and avoided her eyes.

"Bella…"

"Hm?"

"Where were you that night? You usually only drink with me or him."

"I was at Edward and Rose's house," I mumbled.

"Well, why didn't you just say so? You don't have to hide that from me," she said, perplexed.

I just shrugged.

_You didn't tell her because you knew that if you did, you'd tell her everything._

_You should tell her everything. Talking about it will make you feel better._

_No it won't. It'll make me feel even more like a whore._

_One kiss doesn't turn you into a whore._

_It's been two kisses, and yes it does. Because I want to do more than kiss him, and I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself._

"Earth to Bella!" Alice said, waving her hand in front of my face. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Not really," I said, blushing.

"I said, 'Jacob sure does look hot up there holding that guitar and the way he sings is making me start to pant a little.' You heard me that time, right?"

I laughed knowing she was joking. "Um, yes… loud and clear, little person."

I turned and watched Jake perform, completely mesmerized by the fact that he seemed to change into such a different person when he was on stage.

"This next song goes out to my best friend. I just want to say I'm glad we're talking again…," Jake said, completely taking me by surprise.

The music started playing and he started singing.

"_Every now and then  
I get a little lost  
The strings all get tangled  
The wires all get crossed  
Every now and then  
I'm right upon the edge  
Dangling my toes out over the ledge  
I just thank God you're here  
Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
When I'm a firecracker coming undone  
When I'm a fugitive ready to run  
All wild-eyed and crazy  
No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
Baby you save me…"_

"Bella!" Alice squealed. "Tell me why you two are still only friends with sometimes benefits?"

"Because of that…" I said, pointing at the girls who were eye-fucking with Jake at the moment. "Because, no matter how close we are, there's always going to be something so much better out there."

_And because you can't keep a handle on your jealousy._

_Yes I can. _

_No you can't. If those girls were able to feel the glare you were sending them right now, they'd be dead._

_Not true._

"Jealous much, Bella?" Alice asked.

_Told you so._

"No. Not at all." I said, smiling at her. "I'm perfectly fine with Jake picking up groupies, so long as he doesn't tell me about it. I like being naïve about that."

We turned back and watched Jake continue to perform. He caught my eye and smiled, which earned me quite a few jealous looks from the other girls in the place.

Alice and I rolled our eyes at each other and just enjoyed being there.

"These are for you ladies, compliments of the gentleman at the bar," a waitress said, placing two margaritas down on our table, causing Alice and I to look at each other in confusion.

I looked around, trying to figure out who would send us drinks, but no one seemed to even be looking in this direction.

Turning my head back to watch Jake, I started squirming in my seat.

"Hey Bella… you alright there?" Alice asked, a look of concerned etched on her face.

"Um yeah… I just really need to pee."

"Then why don't you go?" she laughed.

"Because once I do, I'll be breaking the seal and going every two minutes," I whined.

This caused Alice to laugh even harder. "Just go, Bella!" She said, pushing me out of my chair.

I half-walked, half-ran my way over to the bathroom, feeling like I was going to explode.

I hurried up and finished my business, feeling relief, and washed my hands quickly. I walked out of the bathroom, slamming into something rock hard.

"OUCH!" I screamed, taking a step back, holding my nose, hoping that it wasn't bleeding.

"Are you going to make that a habit of yours?" A voice asked.

I looked up to see Edward standing there with a smirk on his face.

"It depends. Do you plan on being outside every bathroom I step out of?" I asked, looking at my hands to see that there was no blood coming from my nose.

He laughed. "I didn't know you were in the bathroom, but you did walk into me pretty hard. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine… just really hurt my nose. I swear I felt like I walked into a brick wall."

"Ha, I've never heard that before. But it looks like your nose is just swollen, not broken, you'll be fine, but you should put some ice on it."

I nodded and looked away awkwardly.

"So how have you been? I haven't seen you around lately, and Rose said that she had tried to call you, but wasn't able to reach you."

"I've been… Alright. Just been busy, hanging out with my roommate," I said, pointing over at Alice. "How about you? How have you been? Why are you here?"

"Wow, slow down there. I've been alright. I'm here with some of my colleagues from work," he said, pointing over to a group of guys, who were flirting with some half-dressed skanks.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust, immediately regretting doing so.

_Damn. This really hurts, _I whined in my mind.

"I'd ask you what you're doing here, but I'm guessing you're with the band?" he asked, with a look of distaste on his face.

"Yup," I said. "Well… I should get back to Alice. It looks like she's looking for me."

_Alice isn't looking for you. You just want to get away from him so you don't jump him._

_Maybe._

"Not before we get you some ice," he said, dragging me over to the bar, gaining the attention of one of the female bartenders. "Do you think I can get a bag full of ice?"

The bartender looked at him and nodded, filling up a baggie of ice, handing it to him while sticking her chest out at him. "Is there _anything else _I can get for you, tonight?" she asked, in a lame attempt to flirt.

I snorted quietly.

_Jealous much, Bella?_

_No. Not at all. That's just pathetic._

_Uh-huh. sure._

_I am sure._

_Just like you're not jealous over other women throwing themselves at Jake, right?_

_Shut up._

_I think you have a jealously AND anger problem._

_Whatever._

I was broken out of my internal conversation by Edward handing me the bag full of ice. "Just hold this against your nose to help the swelling go down. It's probably going to be a little bruised."

"Thanks," I said, groaning internally at the fact that I was probably going to look like I had been beaten.

"Not a problem," he said, giving me a smile that made me weak in the knees, and brought an immediate rush of wetness between my legs.

"I should really get back to Alice now," I said, trying to stop myself from continuing what had started a couple weeks ago.

"Alright, it was good to see you again, Bella," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into a tight hug. "Give Rose a call. I'm sure she'd love to see you again." I nodded against his chest, loving the way I felt in his arms. He pulled back and gave a kiss on the cheek. "I know I'd love to see you again."

I blushed and smiled. "Same here, Edward. I'll call Rose in the morning. Bye."

Walking back over to Alice, I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"Whoa girl, what happened to you?" Alice asked.

"Oh, I literally ran into someone when I was coming out of the bathroom and hurt my nose, so I was over at the bar getting some ice to help keep the swelling down."

Alice snorted. "Wow. I think we need to keep you in a plastic bubble Then you can be 'Bella the Bubble Girl'. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Shut up, Alice," I said, giggling.

---

_I took one look at her and I knew. I knew he wasn't coming back. I felt my world crumbling and crashing around me._

_And I cried._

_I cried like I had never cried before. _

_Because he was gone. And he had never said a word. I didn't get to say good-bye. I didn't get to say "I love you" one last time._

"_Jasper!" I sobbed out. "Jasper, why did you have to leave me? Why does everyone leave me?" My chest was aching and I felt like I couldn't breathe._

"Bella! Bella! Shh… Shh… I'm here for you… I'm not leaving! I'm here… I'm here…" Alice said while wrapping her arms around me.

"I was dreaming again," I said, shaking and wrapping my arms around her.

"Yes, but it's okay. I brought it up tonight. You were bound to dream about it. I'm sorry."

"Why? Why does it have to be this way?" I questioned. "Why did it have to happen like this?" My words having a double meaning.

I couldn't figure out how to keep surviving this.

What do you do when you have nothing left? What do you do when everything you thought you knew gets taken away? How do you continue going on with life? Because whether you like it or not, life continues on with, or without you.


	9. Take A Bow

****Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related. But I do own this storyline and an autograph from Kellan that says, "Hello Danell! I heart you! Love Kellan" *does happy dance**  
**

* * *

_Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not,  
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught,  
But you put on quite a show,  
You really had me going,  
But now it's time to go,  
Curtains finally closing,  
That was quite a show,  
Very entertaining,  
But it's over now,  
Go on and take a bow,  
And the award for the best liar goes to you,  
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me,  
Let's hear your speech out?  
But you put on quite a show you really had me going...  
_

_"Take A Bow" - Rhianna (Although I prefer the Glee version)_

-----

I woke up feeling emotionally drained. I had no idea why my subconscious had decided to drag up memories of Jasper again.

Walking into the bathroom, I stared at my reflection in the mirror, wincing at how bruised my nose looked.

_Great. I really will look like I got beat. People are going to stare, but won't ask questions, because they'll be too busy running scenarios in their head and making it worse than it really is._

"Ugh. I look hideous," I whispered, looking at myself one last time before I jumped into the shower, in the hopes that it would shake me out of the haze I was in. I had no such luck. I ended up washing my hair with body wash, and my body with my conditioner. I felt like I was going insane.

When I was finished with my shower, I dried off, got dressed, and walked into the kitchen to grab something to eat. I was surprised when I heard voices that weren't coming from the television.

"You're such a summer's eve!" Alice squealed.

_Summer's eve? That's what she calls Jake behind his back when she thinks he needs to grow a pair and ask me to be more than friends._

Raising my eyebrow, I walked over and saw Jake sitting on the couch next to her. They seemed to be engaged in some sort of stare down and didn't see me walk in.

"Um… Hello?" I said timidly, not sure what was going on.

"Good morning, Bella!" Jake said, breaking eye contact with Alice.

"Bella! How are you today?" Alice asked sweetly. A little _too _sweetly.

"Good morning, Jake. Hey Alice, I'm alright… What's going on?"

They both looked at each other, reluctant to speak. The silence was becoming louder. I couldn't take it so I just walked out of the room, back into the kitchen, to complete the task I set out to do.

_I must be hallucinating. Alice and Jake never hang out together without me. _

Shrugging. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table enjoying the marshmallowy goodness of my Lucky Charms. I ignored the hushed and hurried whispered going on between Alice and Jake and finished up, going back into my room.

I stayed true to my promise and decided to call Rose. After four rings, she picked up the phone, sounding breathless.

"Hey Rose, its Bella. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

_Oh god. I hope I didn't catch her in the middle of sex or something… that'd be terrible!_

_Well it depends on who she's having sex with… Emmett, or the man you want to be having sex with._

_Ugh. I don't want to imagine her having sex with either of them._

_No, you just want to imagine yourself having sex with one of them._

_Well, maybe both. Emmett is a look-- Wait, what the fuck am I thinking? I shouldn't think about having sex with EITHER of them._

"Bella! Hey! No, you didn't. I was just going for a run on the treadmill and saw your name pop up on my caller ID, so I answered."

"Oh, cool," I said, wishing I had enough discipline to make myself want to work out.

"So how are you? Haven't heard from you in awhile. I thought you had disappeared off the face of the earth!" Rose exclaimed.

"Um, yeah, sorry about that. I just didn't feel like being around people I guess."

"I can understand that one," she said, chuckling.

We fell into an easy conversation and decided to get together for lunch. After I hung up, I walked out into the living room and found a note from Alice telling me that she had gone out and would be back later that night.

_Hm. Wonder what she's up to._

_She didn't question you, so you shouldn't question her._

_I know. I'm just bored and don't feel like sitting around for an hour before heading out to meet Rose for lunch._

I sighed and decided to do a quick grocery run since all that Alice and I had been living off of for the past few days was cereal. Walking out to my car, I got in and started it, blasting the music, just letting it take me to my musical escape, and drove to the store.

-----

I finished shopping and only got a few looks, which I was thankful for. I was able to just keep my head down and look at the items in the store, instead of looking at people. Rushing home, I took everything inside and put it away; running a brush through my hair and heading back out to my car, so I could drive up to Rose's house to meet for lunch.

_Hm... I wonder if it'll be just us, or if she'll be bringing Emmett or the kids. Maybe both._

It didn't take me as long as I expected to get to her house and I felt myself having a miniature anxiety attack, thinking about the last time I had been here.

_Edward isn't here. You're not going to jump his bones. You're sober. _

_But you wish he were here. You wish you were going to jump his bones, and most importantly, you wish you were drunk._

_No, no, no. I can't think that way. Rose is still Edward's wife. Rose is who I'm hanging out with this afternoon. I still don't know what's going on with her and Emmett and until I know for sure that things are over, I won't be doing anything._

_So once you find out that things are over between the two of them, you'll jump his bones?_

_I didn't say that._

_No, you thought it._

_No… It's not what I meant. I just meant that…_

_That he's still very much a part of your fantasies and you want to do naughty things to him._

_Enough. Stop talking._

_Then stop thinking._

"Bitch," I muttered under my breath.

_HA! You just called yourself a bitch! _

Groaning, I got out of my car and walked up to the door finding it wide open.

I walked in, calling out, "Rose? I'm here!"

Looking around, I didn't see her so I headed up the stairs, still calling out her name. "Rose? Hey Rose, it's Bella! Where are you?"

_Silence. I wonder what's up with that._

"Hello? Anyone here?" I called out, as loud as I could without screaming, finally reaching the top step.

That's when I saw it.

_Whoa. What… The… Fuck!?_

"Oh my God! Rose? I'm so… Uh… EW… I'll just… Um, uh, go… Walk that way!" I said, practically running down the stairs.

"Wait! Bella! It's not what it looks like, I swear!" Rose said, running after me, attempting to straighten out her clothes.

"It looks like I just caught you and Emmett having a little math action in the middle of the hallway!" I screamed, trying to get the images out of my head.

"Well, okay. Then it is what it looks like." She said, shrugging.

"Did you _not _hear me call out your name, announcing that I was here?"

"No, I didn't. You see, when I get into… _That_… All of my attention is focused on it, and I don't pay attention to anything else."

"What's going on? Are all the rumors true then?" I asked, obviously knowing the truth already.

"Come on, let's just go to lunch. I'll explain everything there," she said, pleading with her eyes.

Sighing, I nodded my head. "Okay, but I'm going to need a lot of alcohol to get that image out of my head."

She laughed. "That works. By the way, what happened to your nose?"

"Um… I'll tell you over lunch?"

"That works."

Just then, Emmett appeared at the bottom of the stairs and I couldn't help but notice that he was still sporting a tent.

"Shit. I didn't even let either of you finish, did I?" I asked, then immediately put my hand over my mouth embarrassed for saying that out loud.

Their laughter filled the house and I walked out of the door, completely mortified.

"Bye Emmett!" Rose yelled, running out after me and grabbing my arm and leading me to her car.

_Oh, God. I don't think I can get those images out of my head. I need to bleach my brain out._

_Well, now you know that something is going on with her and Emmett, so now you're in the clear to do stuff with Edward._

_Two wrongs don't make a right._

_No, but it makes for a very pleased Bella._

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up._

_Wow, you're becoming such a bitch._

_Hey, I'm not a bitch!_

_Yes, you are. You even said so yourself._

_No, I called you a bitch!_

_Um yeah, hi, I AM you!_

"Stupid fucking inner monologue," I mumbled.

"What?" Rose asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said, smiling at her and cursing myself internally for having yet another argument with myself.

My smug little inner fucker just smiled and stuck its tongue out at me, relishing in the fact that I felt like I was going crazy.

We arrived at the restaurant and Rose pulled up to the valet while two attendants rushed over and opened both of our doors.

"Thank you," I said smiling. He just winked at me and closed the door, escorting me over to Rose.

"Getting your flirt on, Bella?" Rose joked. "You know, I'm sure I can find someone to hook you up with. You're not seeing anyone, are you? Especially not that one guy who you talked about that one night, right?" She held up two fingers when we walked in indicating that it was just going to be us, and the hostess nodded, leading us to a table.

I just kept quiet and followed the hostess, not really feeling like answering Rose's questions until I had a little bit of something alcoholic in me.

_Does drinking before five o'clock make me an alcoholic?_

I sat down and looked at the menu, turning all the questions in my head, and attempting to ignore Rose's intense stare.

"Well…?" She questioned.

"Well… What?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Are you still seeing that one guy?"

"What's up with you and Emmett?" I immediately asked, trying to deflect the attention off of me. Honestly, I didn't know what was going on with me and Jake. Last night had been the first time I had seen him, and the only time I felt butterflies the whole night was when I literally ran into Edward. But, that wasn't something I could tell Rose.

Now it was her turn to become quiet and uncomfortable.

"Come on, Rose. You can't tell me nothing is going on because I walked in on you two doing… Well, you know what you were doing," I said, cringing.

"I wouldn't say nothing is going on. Just that it isn't a big deal." She shrugged.

"Not a big deal? How is that not a big deal? You're _married_!"

"Not for much longer…," She whispered so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

"What do you mean? What's going on?"

"I'm filing for divorce from Edward."

"Wow," I said, sitting there completely floored. _Come on now, it's not like you can act surprised. It was pretty obvious that things were ending between them. Rose and Emmett. Edward seducing you… Don't be so naïve and stupid._

"Yeah. Well, it's been a long time coming and I just hope it doesn't catch him as off guard, as it did you. I mean, it was pretty obvious that something was going on with me and Emmett. Every rumor starts with a little bit of truth," she said nonchalantly.

"Well, fuck me," I said.

"Yeah, tell me. Who _is _fucking you?" She asked.

"No one," I said, blushing and looking down.

_Yet. _My inner bitch said, doing a completely inappropriate happy dance. _Yet, because now this means you can bump uglies with Edwaaarrrdd!_

"What about that guy?" Rose asked, completely interested.

"What about him? I saw him for the first time in two weeks last night, but we really didn't do anything. I mean, all he did was hug me and let me cry on his shoulder."

"What were you crying about?"

"Just a combination of a lot of things. I had been ignoring everyone until last night, and Alice took it upon herself to snap me out of my zombie state." I shrugged.

"So, after two weeks, you finally see this guy. You hug, you cry, and nothing else happened? You didn't jump him? Girl, no wonder you were crying! You need some sexual relief!"

I giggled. "Last night wasn't about that. He had a gig at a bar. He did dedicate a song to me, though…,"

"He what?" She squealed. "He sang you a song and you didn't jump into bed with him? What is wrong with you? Wait, how did you get that bruised nose? Did you get into a fight with one of his groupies and lose? Is that why you didn't jump into bed together?"

"Rose!" I gasped. "I did not get into a fight with a groupie last night! I happened to literally walk into Edward last night. His chest to be exact."

She looked stunned. "I didn't know Edward was there. He said he had to work a double-shift at the hospital."

"Oh, um… Maybe he was there on his break?" I said, not realizing that I had just ousted her husband.

"Maybe…," She said, looking pissed and unconvinced.

"Look, Rose, I don't know his reason for being there other than the fact that he said he was having a couple drinks with some of his colleagues. I didn't really question him on it. I was a little too preoccupied with the fact that my nose hurt like a little bitch and hoping it wasn't broken."

Just then, I heard a familiar tinkling laugh. Looking around, I spotted Alice in the corner with some guy.

"Huh. That's strange. Alice is here and with a guy?" I said out loud.

"Alice? Your roommate?" Rose questioned.

I nodded my head. "I wonder if I should go say hi."

"Let's both go say hi. I haven't seen her in awhile, and I've always enjoyed her company," Rose said, smiling.

Standing up and linking arms, we headed over to the back of the room where Alice was seated.

I stopped dead in my tracks, two feet away from the table, when I saw the guy she was with lean over and kiss her. She didn't pull away, and instead, furthered the kiss.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Rose asked, looking back at me, not seeing what was going on.

Alice pulled away and looked in my direction after hearing my name. "Bella? What are you doing here?" She asked, nervously.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked, seething. Rose finally noticed what was going on and wrapped her arms around my waist, holding me back from slapping my best friend.

"It's not what it looks like, I swear!" She said, hiding her eyes.

"That's the second fucking time I've heard that phrase today and the first time it turned out to be true. If it's not what it looks like, then please do enlighten me. I'd _love _to know why you're sitting here making out with Jake!" I spat out.

Jake finally taking notice that I was being held back by an angry looking blonde stood up and walked over to us, placing a hand on each of our shoulders. "Look, nothing is going on…," he said nervously.

"I've heard that today, too, and that was not true as well."

"Bella, please hear me out," Alice sobbed out.

"No. Thank. You," I said through gritted teeth, pulling myself loose from Rose's embrace around my waist and Jake's hand on my shoulder. "I thought you were my best friend, Alice. What happened to you waiting for Jasper to return? Huh? What happened to you waiting around for that to happen?" I screamed, not caring that everyone in the restaurant was watching this little scene unfold.

"Bella, Jasper is gone. I can't sit around waiting forever for someone who probably will never return," Alice whispered.

I turned around and ran back to the table, grabbing my purse and taking off out of the door.

I heard footsteps behind me, but didn't care to turn around and look.

"Bella, wait!" Rose called out, catching up with me and grabbing a hold of my hand. "Come on, I'll take you to my house so you can get your car."

Afraid to speak for fear that the tears filling up my eyes would spill over, I nodded and followed her over to the valet.

They retrieved her car and she tipped them. I didn't wait for anyone to open my door. I just jumped in and buckled up. "Let's go. Please Rose," I begged.

She put the car in drive and sped out of the parking lot towards her house.

After a few minutes of silence, I finally swallowed the lump in my throat down far enough to be able to speak. "Rose, can I stay with you? I can't stand to go back home and see _her._"

"For sure, Bella," she said, looking over at me. "I know I shouldn't be the one giving you advice about men and relationships, but you shouldn't stay with someone who would cheat on you with your best friend. I know that if I had found Edward with another woman, I'd probably want to slap the bitch too…"

_I wonder what she would do if she found out that Edward had tried to make it happen with me._

"But other than that you don't care? You don't care that you're doing the exact same thing to your husband?"

"Of course I care. But judging by your reaction, it seems like you care more than I do. Why does it bother you so much about what I think about my husband seeing another woman? Is it because the guy you were seeing is now screwing your roommate?"

Biting my lip, I let my hair fall around my face to shield the tears that were now freely falling down my face. "I care because Alice moving on means the one thing that I've feared the most is true."

"And what's that?" She asked quietly.

"That my brother is never coming home."

-----

Jasper was not my real blood brother. However, he was the closest thing I had to family.

I don't remember much about my real parents. My mom died when I was young from cancer, and my dad stopped living after that. Not that I blamed him, but I didn't understand it at all. Being six and losing your mom was tough. I can't even begin to imagine how my dad felt. Here he was, a single parent to a little girl. He used to sit around all day, drinking. There was rarely a time when he wasn't living in a drunken stupor. When I was eight, I was called into the school office and told that my dad had committed suicide. At the time, I didn't really understand what it meant. All I knew was that he was no longer around, and that I had to go live with a bunch of other kids in foster care.

That's where I met Jasper. He had been living in foster care for a few years. He never talked about his parents. He never had any real desire to. He became my best friend. My confidant. My brother in every sense of the word. Jasper was two years older than I was and took on the role of my protector. If it wasn't for him, I don't know where I would be. He was always the person I could turn to and talk to about feeling abandoned, and shut out, and alone. He always helped to make me feel not so alone.

After a particularly rough eighteenth birthday, Jasper left foster care and took me with him, signing on to be my legal guardian. We grew impossibly close and I introduced him to Alice, who had become my best friend in junior high. They started dating and I couldn't be happier for them. They seemed perfect together.

Jasper was one of those cool kids, who hung out with the dorky kids who had a lot of potential to be hot and cool if they changed their wardrobe and wore contacts instead. He was never mean or rude to anyone he hung out with. Everyone was just drawn to him. His personality made him easily approachable. He never let his past affect who he had become.

Or so I thought.

* * *

**A/N Alright, you know the drill. Review please? Let me know what you think... and if you'd like to answer this question, please do so in your review.**

**You've all heard of "The List" right? The one where your significant other puts down the names of the people they'd love to sleep with -- no consequences... Well, who are the top five people on your list?**

**Mine are:**

**1. Kellan Lutz  
2. Peter Facinelli  
3. Jackson Rathbone  
4. Jim Sturgess  
5. Robert Pattinson and/or Patrick Dempsy**

**(yes, I know there's six there...but I didn't want a Twilight filled list hahaha. I promise it's significant to this story. And if you answer... I'll send you pictures of the celebs you talk about... or at least I'll try to!)**

**Okay, long ass author's notes over. Sorry!!**


	10. Who Am I To Say

**A/N Hello beautiful people! The reviews last chapter blew me away! An overwhelming amount of you had Robert Pattinson on your "lists" and it made me giggle. I started sending out collages of your top five picks, but after about two hours of doing that, I decided that you probably would rather me spend time writing than working on collages, lol. So, here's a new chapter... Don't hate Rose, okay? She's trying. And Bella's an emotional wreck... so don't judge her too much.**

**A million thanks for Kat for being the most amazing beta! I love you woman!**

****Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related, but I do own this storyline****

* * *

_Love of my life, my soulmate  
You're my best friend,  
Part of me, like breathing  
Now half of me is left  
I don't know anything at all,  
Who am I to say you love me,  
I don't know anything at all,  
And who am I to say you need me.  
Color me blue, I'm lost in you,  
Don't know why I'm still waiting.  
Many moons have come and gone,  
Don't know why I'm still searching._  
_  
-- Hope "Who Am I To Say"_

-----

I did not allow myself to break down. I wanted to be stronger than that. The ride back to Rose's was quiet and there was just so much that I wanted to ask her. However, my mind had different plans and kept replaying the scene of Alice and Jake kissing in the restaurant. The fact that he started it and that she not only did not pull away, and instead furthered it, killed me. It made me wonder how long this had been going on and just how far they had gone.

_You would think that you could trust your best friends. Especially since they never seemed to hang out together… When did that even start?_

_Um, hello… maybe when you went all catatonic over getting drunk and kissing Edward, and forgetting to call him. Alice did say she received a call from him asking to go to his gig last night, remember?_

_Yeah, but I didn't think anything of it._

_You had no reason to._

_Since when did you become the voice of reason?_

_I always have been. I just like fucking with you._ My inner self smirked at me.

We pulled up to Rose's house and we sat in the car for a few minutes before she finally spoke, "Are you okay? You're just really quiet and I think I expect you to break down into tears any minute…"

"No, I'm not okay… Not even close. I just… Just don't know what to do. I don't know what to think, how to react… I'm just so fucking confused."

"You have every right to be. Have you ever suspected them to do something like this?"

I shook my head no.

"Then you're allowed to be shocked, and surprised. You're allowed to be angry and want to scream, cry, and break anything in sight."

Sighing, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I refused to break down in front of Rose. That was something I needed to do alone. "Yeah, I know. I just can't believe it, you know? It's a total surprise, and it pisses me off. I can't just go home, because if I do, I'll have to see her and talk to her and all I really want to do is punch her."

Rose laughed. "Well, that's expected, too."

"Rose, why doesn't Ed--," I cut myself off, not sure if I should continue with what I wanted to ask.

"What? Why doesn't Edward…?" She questioned quirking an eyebrow.

"Why doesn't Edward care about the cheating? He obviously knows doesn't he?" I thought back to the conversation I had with him where he told me that they had been seeing a marriage counselor.

"I'm sure he knows. However, I don't think he doesn't care, I just think that he's ready for it to be over. We've had conversations. We've done the whole marriage-counseling thing, we've done the whole, 'Let's try and work this out' thing, but at the end of the day, my decision has been made, as is his. We just don't love each other anymore."

"Then why would you get so mad at Edward if he got with another woman?" I questioned. _Because he's trying to get with me, and I kind of don't want to stop him. Especially after today…I just need someone. Now._

"Bella, anything Edward does is going to piss me off. Even if I don't love him anymore, I still care for him, but when your marriage is over, it makes you realize that even though we said 'forever', our forever is never going to happen. I'm selfish, and I'm vain. I don't want him to want anyone other than me."

"How is that fair?"

"It's not. I know it's not, but I can't help the way I think. Am I going to stop him if he goes out with another woman? No. But I will give him hell." She chuckled.

"Did he give you hell?"

"At first he did. I'm sure it hurt him more than he lets on…," She said, trailing off. "And besides, you're giving Alice and Jake hell, and you weren't even dating him, right? You were just friends with benefits?

"I took a sharp intake of breath, willing myself to calm down. "We might have been friends with benefits, but there were deep feelings involved… At least for me there was." I said, whispering that last part.

"Bella, look at me." Rose commanded.

I looked up at her, breathing shakily.

"Did you love him?"

I paused and thought about it. _Did I love Jake? _"Um, yes?" I said, my answer coming out more like a question than an answer.

"You hesitated there, sweetie. You had to think about it. When you love someone, you should be able to give a straight answer, without hesitation, without question. Do you think he loves you?"

Biting my lip, I hesitated again. _Does Jake love me? He hasn't ever really said it without being prompted to after one of our hook ups._

"You're hesitating again, Bella…,"

"I know… I know… I guess, the answer would have to be maybe?"

"There are no maybes in love."

Shaking my head no, and trying to blink back the tears, I said, "Yes, there is. There has to be…"

"Do you think that Jake possibly was just taking advantage of you?"

"He wouldn't… He… No, he wouldn't do that to me… I don't think…," The tears started falling freely down my face. "I don't think he'd use me… Do you?"

"What I think is you're a beautiful girl, who doesn't realize she's beautiful. That you were willing to settle with Jake because he made you feel special, right?"

"He did make me feel special…,"

"But did he ever attempt to do anything outside of hooking up with you? Did he take you to dinner? Did he take you to a movie? Going to his shows don't count, those weren't about you, those were about him. Did he ever do anything for _you_? Or were you the one who had to do it all? Make the plans?"

"Um…," I bit my lip.

"Sweetie, don't settle just because you want someone to make you feel like you're worth something. That's what I did with Edward, and look where it's headed. Besides, you're worth _so _much more than a guy who cheats on you with your best friend."

I closed my eyes and choked back a sob as Rose leaned over and hugged me.

"It's going to be okay…," She said, rubbing soothing circles across my back.

My phone started ringing and I immediately hit the power button, effectively shutting it off without bothering to look down to see who was calling. "Rose… I don't have any clothes to wear if I stay with you, but I really don't want to go home and risk running into them…,"

"No worries, we can always go shopping, or I can send Edward over with you so you can grab some clothes. He can help you avoid a confrontation with either of them."

I nodded my head and sighed. "Do you think we should go in now? I'm sure that if Emmett was looking out of the window, he'd be wondering what we were doing just sitting in the car."

"If he looked out the window and saw us in an embrace, he'd probably think that we were making out and he'd find it hot."

I giggled. "Oh geez. He would too, I'm sure."

Rose joined in laughing with me. "He so would. He's a pig like that. But, he's great to be around."

"Rose?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for allowing me to stay with you. And thank you for being my friend."

-----

Rose allowed me to stay in one of their guest rooms. She called Edward to fill him in on what had happened and to let him know that I would be staying with them for as long as needed in exchange for watching the kids whenever needed. I felt myself immediately getting nervous.

_What are you more nervous about? Running into Alice and Jake, or being alone with Edward?_

_Both._

We headed outside to play with Emma and Bobby for a little while. I was glad that Rose was trying to help me get my mind off of all the events of the day. I found myself giggling at Emmett's antic. He acted just like a little kid in a big man's body. It felt good to laugh and for a while, I was able to forget.

That is, until Edward arrived home. Then I knew it was time to face the music.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked me, after we had finished eating dinner.

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

So we got into the car and drove an hour. It wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. We had playful banter and when there was a lull in the conversation, it really just gave way to comfortable silence.

When Edward and I arrived to my apartment, I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to think about anything that I could to calm myself down.

"I don't know if I can do this, Edward. I don't know if I can walk in and see them. I don't want to hear their excuses…," I said, looking up and over at him. I was sure the hurt and panic I felt was evident in my eyes.

"Bella, you won't have to listen to them. We'll just go in, grab some of your things and leave. You don't have to talk to them just because they want to talk to you." He reached over and held my hand, effectively sending my nerves away and replacing them with something much different.

_You perv. All he's doing is holding your hand, and you want to hump him?_

_No!_

_Yes, you do._

_No, I don't._

_Then why are you getting all excited about him holding your hand?_

_I really have no idea. It feels like there's a surge of electricity flowing through us and I can't help that it's causing me to feel good._

_You're so lame. You need to get out and date more. _

"I really am lame." I said out loud.

"What do you mean? I didn't call you lame at all…," Edward said, looking at me questioningly.

Feeling the heat rise in my cheeks, I tried to come up with something fast, so that I didn't have to explain to him that I was, once again, having a full on conversation with myself, in my head. "I just meant that I'm so lame for being so nervous… Let's just get this over with." _Nice save. _

Nodding, he let go of my hand and got out of the car. I immediately missed the contact, but hid my disappointment and began to open my car door. Edward got to it first, opening it and holding out his hand to help me get out.

"Oh, thank you." I said, surprised. "I'm not used to having someone open a car door for me, and take my hand to help me out… Unless you count people at the valet… But I don't think that really counts." _Ramble much, Bella?_

Edward chuckled, "No, they don't count."

I smiled and held tightly to my house key, taking deeps breaths with every step I took, until I reached the front door. "Well, I might as well just get this over with." Unlocking the door and opening it cautiously, I was relieved to see that Alice and Jake were nowhere in sight.

_You're not in the clear yet. They could be in any part of the house._

_I know, I know. I'm just glad that I didn't have to see them when I first walked in._

Edward and I walked inside, and I shut the door. I didn't bother locking it knowing that I was going to just get a few things and leave.

Grabbing Edward's hand, I pulled him to my room. "Let's hurry and just grab whatever we can. I really don't want to run into them."

"Alright, just tell me what you want and need, and I'll do that for you," he said, squeezing my hand.

My breathing accelerated. _I could tell you exactly what I want right now._

_You. Edward. Alone. Room. Is that such a good idea?_

_Probably not. But I know I won't try to do anything._

_You won't, but will he?_

_I doubt it._

_Just because you doubt something, doesn't mean it won't happen._

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up. Nothing is going to happen._

We walked into my room, and I was thankful that it wasn't a disaster zone. "So uh, yeah… This is my room."

"So I see. Why do you seem so nervous?" he asked me.

"I feel like I'm in high school. Being alone… bringing you to my room…," I said, letting go of his hand and blushing.

"And do you think I'm going to take advantage of you?"

"No. I was thinking I was going to take advantage of you… Uh… Shit…," I looked down and hid my face.

_Oh. Fuck. Did I just say that out loud?_

_You did. _

_What expression is on his face right now?_

_I don't know, because you're not looking at him. If you don't look at him, I can't look at him._

_Oh. Right. _

He laughed.

"Are you laughing at me?" I said, utterly embarrassed.

"Not at you. But at this situation. A few days ago, I would've given anything to be alone with you in a room with a bed…," He said trailing off suggestively.

I looked up at him; sure, my face was redder than a tomato.

"But, after what took place today I just can't…,"

"Are you rejecting me?" I asked, feeling my eyes sting with tears of embarrassment and rejection.

"No, I'm not rejecting you! I just don't think that it's a good idea right now."

I hid my face in my hands trying my hardest not to break down. My plans changed when I felt his arms wrap around me and I finally just let go and cried.

"Why am I not good enough for anyone?" I sobbed. "Anyone I get close to just hurts me. I am always left for something, or someone better. I just don't get it. What's wrong with me? Why does everyone feel the need to leave me?"

"What happened to you to cause you to feel like you aren't good enough?" Edward asked, leading me over to my bed so we could sit down on the edge.

My past really wasn't something I had ever talked about with anyone. Jasper was the only one who knew about it. But he was gone… and I didn't know if he was ever going to come back.

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Well, then, how about you tell me why you feel the need to cry over this Jacob guy…,"

"I'm not just crying over Jake. I'm crying over lost friendships."

"How did you even become friends with him?"

"We met in detention."

Edward snorted. "Sorry. You got detention as a kid? I remember you as a mild-mannered and quiet kid."

I hiccup-laughed and nodded. "Well, I was. I just took the blame for someone else."

"So, tell me what happened…,"

"There's nothing really to tell. I took the blame for someone else, got detention, and met Jake. We immediately became friends and started hanging out all the time."

"When did the hooking up start?"

"Wow, you can't wait to get to the 'good stuff' can you?" I said, grimacing.

"The look on your face tells me it wasn't really good stuff."

"It wasn't. We started hooking up after Jasper left…,"

Edward looked pained and it was my turn to hug him. "I keep forgetting that you two knew each other."

He nodded, "Yeah we did. But that's not what's wrong…,"

"What are you talking about?" I asked truly confused.

"Bella, you and Jake started hooking up after Jasper left?"

I nodded.

"He was taking advantage of you," he simply said.

"No he wasn't. I started it…,"

"You might have started it, but he should've ended it. You weren't in the right emotional state to be having sex with someone. Damn it, this is why it's hurting you so much!" He looked so angry.

"What are you talking about?"

"The only reason you're so attached to Jake is because he was your lifeline after Jasper left. Now I understand his reaction to me at the park the other day."

"Once again, I'm confused. Wasn't that the first time you two met?"

Edward hesitated.

"Just tell me, please…," I begged.

"Well, that was technically the first time we had ever met officially, but we had seen each other before. He was out at a bar with some girls and they were pretty wasted and it looked like he was trying to take advantage of them, so I stepped in and told him to go fuck himself."

"We didn't really have an exclusive relationship. I knew he was hooking up with other girls. The only reason this bothers me so much is because he was with Alice."

"I'm not finished," he said, looking like he really didn't want to continue.

I sat there quietly, suddenly afraid to hear what he was going to say.

"Well, after I told him to fuck himself, the girls who were around him left and he looked at me and sneered. He said, 'I don't have to go fuck myself. I can just call up my girl and have her fuck me. Or maybe, I'll just have her roommate do me instead.' and he turned and walked out of the bar. I had no idea that he was talking about you. When we ran into each other at the park, I could tell he recognized me, but I still didn't know that you two were sleeping together. I didn't know until after we got drunk and you talked about him."

I felt myself suddenly feeling really nauseous. "So, he's been seeing Alice for awhile?"

"I guess so."

The feeling of nausea gave way to anger. I felt my body start to tense and I really felt the need to break something. "So he really was just using me? He did take advantage of me? He didn't really need me like I needed him?!" I screamed my fists balled at my side.

"Calm down, Bella," Edward said, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I can't calm down! I thought that maybe this had happened recently, but apparently, it's been going on for a while! And Alice didn't have the decency to tell me? YOU didn't have the decency to tell me?"

"You disappeared and stopped answering your phone after you left my house that day, two weeks ago! I was going to tell you last night, but you seemed to be in a hurry to get back to Alice anyway, so I figured I'd tell you the next time I saw you. I didn't think that you'd catch them. Hell, I don't think THEY thought that you'd catch them!"

I stood up and grabbed my overnight bag out of my closet and started throwing things into it. "Let's just get my stuff and leave."

He nodded and stood up, helping me throw things into my bag. I walked into my bathroom and grabbed my toiletries.

_Ask him why he kissed you that first day you started watching the kids._

_I can't._

_Just, ask him. Then ask him why he kissed you when you two were drunk._

_I can't!_

_Just do it!_

I walked back into my room and saw Edward still putting clothes into my bag. "Edward?"

"What?" he asked, his voice still had an edge of anger to it.

"I was just wondering why you kissed me the first day I started watching your kids."

He sighed. "I don't know what came over me. You were in the kitchen, and I felt an instinct I had never felt before. I just had to be near you. I had to feel you. I had to taste you."

I shuddered, knowing exactly what he meant. "And what about that night we got drunk? I almost jumped your bones that night."

He chuckled, and then became serious. "I almost jumped yours. I kissed you that night because I was drunk, and because I heard the desperation and hurt in your voice when you talked about yourself and Jake. I hate hearing you say you're not good enough."

"Because, I'm not," I said, sighing.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not. And I don't want to argue about it anymore."

"Wow, he really messed you up badly, didn't he?," Edward whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear him. "I can see the hurt and pain in your eyes."

I closed my eyes wanting to shield them from his gaze. I wasn't sure exactly which man in my life he was referring to. Jasper. Jake. My dad. Every man that has ever been in my life. But when I opened my eyes once again and looked into his, all I could do was nod.

"So much that it hurts to breathe. But, when you hurt so much you can't breathe… That is when you survive."

* * *

**A/N So, what do ya think? Question this chapter is: What's the worst hook up experience you've ever had?**

**Review and let me know!**


	11. You're Not Sorry

****Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related, but I do own this storyline**  
**

* * *

_And you got your share of secrets  
And I'm tired of being last to know  
And now you're asking me to listen  
Cause it's worked each time before  
But you don't have to call anymore  
I won't pick up the phone  
This is the last straw  
Don't wanna hurt anymore  
And you can tell me that you're sorry  
But I don't believe you baby  
Like I did before  
You're not sorry, no, no, oh  
You're not sorry, no, no, oh_

-Taylor Swift "You're Not Sorry"

-----

Things fell into an easy routine while I stayed with Edward and Rose. It had been almost a month since I started staying with them, and I would watch the kids while Rose went out, and did whatever it was she did with Emmett. Most of the time, she would claim that they were going to appointments - doctors, dentists, mechanics - but I never believed them. Edward spent a lot of time working at the hospital and I would run into him every once in a while, when he would come home late at night or early morning.

His advances towards me had become non-existent and I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me.

Alice and Jake still called me continuously, but I still wasn't ready to talk to them. Well, I mean, I just didn't know what to say. I knew that I had to talk to them, but what do you say to the people who you trusted the most? The people who betrayed you?

Sighing, I went back to playing with Bobby while I waited for the time to pick Emma up from school. To be honest, I was getting a little tired of playing hide and seek, but there wasn't really anything I could do about that, since I was watching him while Rose and Emmett were, once again, out going to "appointments."

"Five... Six... Seven... Eight... Nine... Ten... Ready or not, here I come!" I exclaimed, already hearing Bobby's high-pitched giggles coming from behind the curtains on the floor to ceiling windows. "Oh my goodness, where ever could Bobby be?" I said, being a bit sarcastic while 'looking' behind the couch. "Nope, he's not behind the couch… and he's not under the table… Hm… Where is he?" I put my hands on my hips, pretending to be seriously contemplating where he was.

He giggled again.

"Hm…," I hummed, walking towards the curtains. "Bobby?" No answer, just giggles. I pulled back the curtains. "There you are!" He ran between my legs and tried to get to the safe spot, while I slowly ran after him.

"You can't catch me, Ella!" He screeched happily, calling me by the name he started using not too long ago.

"Oh yeah? I'm going to get yoooou!" I playfully sang out chasing after him a little faster, and catching him. I scooped him up in my arms and swung him around. "Looks like I caught you, Bobby!"

His laughter filled the house and it made me smile. "It's your turn to hide now! Go! Hide!"

I laughed. "You want me to hide while you're still in my arms?"

"Nooo! I want you to put me down, and then you go hide!"

"How about we go play something else?"

"Can we watch a movie?" He pleaded.

"Sure thing, Bub," I said, nodding.

"Yaaaay! Let's watch _Cars_! I'm Lightning McQueen!" He exclaimed.

I laughed and put him down then walked over to the huge DVD selection on the wall and pulled out _Cars_. While I popped it into the DVD player, Bobby settled on the couch and turned his complete attention to the television.

Smiling, I sat down next to him and let myself get caught up in the antics of Lightning McQueen and Mater.

Once the movie ended, I realized that we had just enough time to walk over to Emma's school to pick her up. Holding my hand the entire way, Bobby chattered on and on about the movie as if I hadn't been sitting next to him watching it the entire time.

Arriving at the school, Bobby and I walked over to the student pick up area and waited the last couple minutes before the kids were dismissed from school. I tried my best to ignore the stares and whispers of the moms who were congregating together while waiting for their kids. I was the hot topic as of late. I definitely didn't want to hear what they were saying about me.

Emma was one of the first ones out of the gate, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Bella!" She said, running over to hug me.

"Hey baby, Em," I said, smiling and hugging her back. "How was school today? Having any more trouble with the other kids?"

She shook her head, no. "No more trouble with the other kids. School was fun. We made paper chains to count down the last days of school!" She was clearly excited. She was holding my hand as we walked back to the house.

"Oh goodness, school is over for you soon isn't it?"

Nodding her head, she exclaimed, "Yes! Only thirteen more days! And guess what?"

"What?" I said, curiously.

"That means it's only sixteen days until Daddy's birthday!"

"Really?" I asked, completely caught off guard.

"Yup! I don't know what I'm going to get him yet, but I'm sure he's going to love it! He loves _everything _that I get him!" She started talking animatedly to Bobby about how they were going to surprise Edward on his birthday.

I smiled absentmindedly and walked them home.

_I didn't realize that Edward's birthday was so soon._

_What are you going to get him?_

_I have no idea. _

_I do._

_You do?_

_Yup. It's one that's been in the back of your mind for a while._

_What's that?_

_Give him yourself for his birthday._

I snorted and started laughing, startling the kids.

"What's so funny, Bella?" Emma asked.

"Nothing, I was just listening to your plans to surprise your dad. You two are so cute going on and on about what you want to do, is all."

She smiled up at me. "Do you really think so?"

I nodded and walked up to the front door of the house, unlocking it and letting them in before I walked inside. "Emma, remember that you need to finish your homework first, before you go and play," I said, with a warning tone in my voice.

"I know, I know…," She said, pouting.

-----

I worked diligently at cleaning the house and cooking dinner. I figured I owed it to Rose and Edward for letting me stay, even though the agreement was just for me to watch the kids.

Rose and Emmett arrived back home and we sat around in the kitchen joking while Emma finished up with her homework and Bobby played with his toys.

I found myself feeling more and more comfortable with the two of them, and whatever they happened to be doing. It was hard to not get along with Emmett. He occasionally made lewd comments to me, but they were all meant in jest and I teased him back, just as hard.

"So how were the kids today?" Rose asked, like she does every day.

"They were great. No major problems actually." I smiled.

"Good, I'm glad!"

I finished setting the table and Emmett stood up. "I'll go get the kids and let them know that dinner is ready."

"Look at you all, Mr. Domestic Mom," I told him, teasing.

He stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed as he walked up the stairs.

"Isn't he great?" Rose said to me once he walked out of the room.

"He's definitely fun to be around," I said, turning towards her and watching her intently. I had never seen her as happy as she was when she was with him. I knew that it was wrong that they were together while she was going through a divorce with Edward. The one thing I really couldn't get over was the fact that Edward still continued to live in this house even though things were over between them.

_Guess they don't really want to upset the kids. _I thought to myself.

_You'd be disappointed if Edward stopped living here._

_Yeah, I'm not going to lie, I would. He's definitely a nice piece of eye-candy. _

I giggled internally and brought my focus back to what Rose was saying. "Well, the kids love him and I'm thankful that they get along so great."

"Yeah, it's because he's a big kid himself," I said and we both laughed.

"That's very true." She turned and looked at me. "How are you doing, Bella?"

I cringed on the inside. "I'm fine."

"That's not what I meant and you know it," she said, sternly.

"What do you want me to say, Rose?" I asked, not really wanting to get into this at the moment.

"Be honest and tell me how you feel."

"Truthfully?" I asked, and she nodded. "I feel like a used piece of garbage. I was just a disposable piece of trash to both Jake _and _Alice."

Rose leaned in to hug me. "You're not a disposable piece of trash!"

"You wanted to know how I felt and I told you," I said, shrugging and turning my attention to putting dinner on everyone's plate as Emmett and the kids walked into the kitchen and sat down.

"Yummy! S'ghetti!" Bobby exclaimed, happy about the choice I had made for dinner.

I smiled and sat down. "Yup, enjoy!"

A chorus of "Thank you Bella's" and appreciation for the food was heard around me as everyone dug in.

Dinner chatter was kept light and fun while Emma told everyone about her day at school, and how she and Bobby were going to give Edward a big birthday surprise. She wouldn't say what it was, but I had a feeling that whatever it was, it was going to be a mess that I would have to clean up.

After everyone finished, Rose took the kids upstairs for their baths while I cleared the table and did the dishes. Emmett helped me load the dishwasher, and once it was started, we sat down on the couch. I closed my eyes for a minute. "Goodness, I'm exhausted," I said.

"I'm stuffed," was his response.

I laughed and nodded. "Well, you did eat two helpings of dinner."

"I can't help it. You're an amazing cook."

"Thanks. I try," I said.

We sat there comfortably, and I was glad that he didn't feel the need to talk incessantly.

Rose finished giving Emma and Bobby their baths and came down and joined us.

"I need to go to the store," she groaned.

"Oh, I can do it," I said.

"Are you sure?" She asked, warily.

"Yeah, just let me know what you need and I'll be happy to get it."

"Bella, you do know you're a guest in this house, _not _the help, right?" she questioned.

I nodded. "Of course. I don't mind going to the store for you though. It'll be nice to get out alone."

Rose and Emmett laughed. "Maybe _I _should go then," Rose said.

I joined in with their laughter and it was decided that I'd run to the store and grab what she needed.

I went to the store feeling really ridiculously happy that I was actually going to get some alone time, even if it was to just pick up a few things for the family. As I shut off my car and got out, I looked up to find Jake jumping out of his car and grabbing me by the arm.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" I asked, the hurt evident in my voice.

"I need to talk to you, Bella. I've tried to call you, Alice has tried to call you, and you just won't talk to either of us."

"That's because I have nothing to say to you," I simply stated.

"We have plenty to say to you."

"Why are you even out in this area?" I asked.

"Because, I _need_ to talk to you."

"That doesn't really answer my question. _Why _are you _here_?"

"Because I've been following you, hoping to get you alone." The second the words came out of his mouth he looked chagrined as I blanched.

"You've been doing what?" I hissed.

"Look, you can't ignore me forever."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't. I really need to talk to you, and get things straightened out between us. Alice is really hurting you know…," he trailed off.

"Really now? Alice is hurting? _Alice?_ What about me? Do you two have _any _inkling of how hurt I am, because of the two of you?"

"I know and I'm sorry."

"No, you DON'T know and you're NOT sorry!" I screamed, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "Why would you two do this to me? Why?"

"When you're desperate, you have no choice," he said.

"No, that's _not _true!" I exclaimed. "There's _always _a choice! _Always!_ And with every choice comes a consequence. The consequences of your choice just so happens to be hurting me."

I vaguely registered the fact that we were standing outside in a parking lot. I knew that we were being watched and that this was going to be quite the gossip tomorrow. _Edward's little Bella was seen fighting with some other guy in the parking lot. Guess she's a whore who fucks everyone, huh? Poor Rose…, having Edward want to start fucking the help is just so, so wrong._

"I never intended to hurt you, Bella…," Jake's voice brought me back to the here and now.

"Yeah, just like you never intended to fuck my roommate, right?" I spat out venomously.

"That's not how it happened and you know it!" He said, his anger starting to match mine.

"No, Jake, I don't know it! Because you two refuse to give me the answers I NEED!" I screamed.

"You're not listening to me! You're not hearing the words that I'm trying to get across to you." He moved closer to me and was staring me in the eyes.

"I don't want to listen to you anymore. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I just… Just… No more… I can't take it…," I put my face in my hands and tried to calm myself down, while also effectively shutting down the only way he could see the emotions bubbling inside of me.

"Is that what you really want? You really want to throw our friendship down the drain?" he asked, quietly.

"Jake, it wasn't much of a friendship. We fooled ourselves into believing it was, but really, it wasn't. We were just two people who occasionally fooled around. Friends don't purposely hurt other friends. They don't maliciously stab them in the back. And they don't use them for their own pleasure."

I walked away, not bothering to glance back at him. I didn't want to see his face, or hear anymore of his excuses. As I got into my car, I was shaking while I drove away and called Edward.

He answered after two rings. "Hey Bells, what's up?"

"I know you're not home yet, and I know you're probably busy as work, but I need to talk to someone and I don't feel like talking to Rose, since I know she's at home with the kids right now…," I rambled on, my voice shaking slightly.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

"Nothing… I just… I ran into Jake at the store. I went out to grab a few things for Rose, and it turns out that he's been following me and has just been trying to get me alone so that we could talk, I guess."

"He was following you?!"

"I guess. He let it slip that since he and Alice couldn't get a hold of me, he had taken to following me around, waiting for an opportunity to be alone…"

"What happened?" I could literally feel his anger through the phone.

"We just had a fight in the parking lot… I'm sure you'll hear all about it through the gossip grapevine," I said dryly.

"I don't want to hear it from anyone else. I want to hear it from you. Look, I'm going to be getting off work in a few minutes. Where are you now? Is he anywhere near you?"

I looked around me, not really realizing that he could possibly be following me again. "I don't think he's following me anymore. I'm nowhere in particular, just driving."

"Are you anywhere near the hospital?" he asked.

"No, but I can go that way."

"No, no, no. I'll just meet you somewhere. How about at the all night coffee shop a few blocks from the house?"

"That's fine with me." I said, my heart suddenly beating furiously.

"Alright, I'll see you soon," he said. "And Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Be safe." He hung up the phone.

_Fuck. What am I doing?_

_You're going to meet up with Edward and just talk. You're staying with him. You can just talk._

_I know, but my body wants to do more than just talk._

I groaned and headed over to the coffee shop Edward was talking about, trying to drown out my inner monologue by blasting some music.

I pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop and looked around for Edward's car and noticed that it wasn't there yet. Shutting the engine off, I kept the radio on and sang along softly, waiting for him to show up. I had my window down just enjoying the feel of the fresh air outside.

I felt myself getting really nervous and tried to just ignore the frantic beating of my heart.

_What's wrong with me? Why am I freaking out so much?_

I didn't have time for an answer because out of nowhere a hand reached into the car and pulled open my door. "Get out of the fucking car!"

I felt myself being pulled out of the car and thrown to the ground. My head hit it hard with a sickening crack, and I felt the warmth of my blood running down my face.

"Bella? Bella!" I heard the squeal of tires and felt my leg being crushed underneath the tire of my car. I cried out in pain.

"Bella! Bella, look at me, please!"

I looked up to see Edward staring back down at me, the light from the parking lot giving him a heavenly glow.

"Say something!"

"What…," I tried to speak, but found that it took too much energy.

A crowd of people were closing in around me and Edward yelled for them to stay back as he called an ambulance. I could hear his voice and I tried to hang on to what he was saying.

"I was pulling into the parking lot when I saw him pull her out of the car and throw her to the ground. Her leg was also crushed when he took the car and sped out of here…,"

I was able to figure out that I had just been carjacked, and I shivered. I was unsure if it was because I was cold or if because I was starting to freak out about the fact that a crime had just occurred in a town where crime usually needed non-existent.

I felt the presence of the emergency crew, along with Edward, kneel beside me.

"Don't close your eyes, Bella." I heard Edward say. "Stay awake, stay with me, please…,"

_How could I have let this happen? How could I have prevented it? _

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, the answer came to me as I lay on the rough pavement in the parking lot, trying to stay awake and fight the darkness that threatened to overtake me.

_We can't prevent what we can't predict._

Then the darkness won.

* * *

**So, don't kill me for ending it this way... Reviews welcome and highly appreciated... I'm sorry if I'm unable to respond to them for awhile. You're all really great.**

**Let's see... what question can I ask this week? Hm... Have you ever been stalked or followed by someone? I've had a few stalkers both online and in real life and it's a pretty scary situation... especially when they would show up where I worked and I would have nowhere to go.**


	12. Fallin'

**Thanks to Kat for being the most amazing friend in the world. You're probably the only one who still loves me even though I've been a whiny little brat tonight. Love you woman!**  
**  
A huge shoutout to my wifey Jessicai67... you all need to read her story, "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" -- it's effin' amazing and deserves to have a lot more reviews than it has right now... it's listed under my favorite stories :)**

**!!WARNING: The beginning of this chapter is a bit dark... So read at your own risk!!**

**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related, but I do own this storyline****

* * *

_I don't know but I think I maybe  
Fallin' for you  
Dropping so quickly  
Maybe I should keep this to myself  
Waiting 'til I know you better  
I am trying not to tell you  
But I want to  
I'm scared of what you'll say  
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling  
But I'm tired of  
Holding this inside my head  
I've been spending all my time  
Just thinking about ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you_  
- Colbie Caillat - "Fallin' For You"

-----

In a moment, things can change forever.

The darkness won and overtook me. Shattering every line of self-defense I had built up, forcing me to face everything that I once tried to hide from. All around me, I could hear sirens and screams, the beeping of monitors, voices trying to break through, but I was still alone. I was being pulled into a pit of despair and I could not seem to find my way out.

My past didn't just flash before my eyes, it lingered. Infecting me with its poison. There was nothing I could do but re-live all the things I had tried so hard to forget.

I'm not perfect, not by a long shot. And I'm not the good girl I let everyone believe me to be. As I felt myself being pulled further under, my memories assaulted me.

Living in foster care, it was easy to get away with many things. There were too many kids and not enough adult supervision. I can't say that I never felt loved, because I'm sure I was. I just didn't realize it at the time. I went looking for love in all the wrong places, and what I found was far from what I thought love would be. I got myself involved in some pretty dangerous things, but no one ever knew. Not even Jasper. It wasn't until I was so far deep into danger, that I realized I needed out. However, the out didn't come without a price.

I always thought that I could take care of myself. That I would be able to get myself out of trouble if need be, but I was wrong. I was so good at pretending to be something I wasn't that it took me awhile to see that what I was pretending to be was so far off the mark. When I was fifteen, I wanted to experiment with different things in life. I wanted to see what it would be like if I smoked, if I drank, if I had sex. But, I was scared to try. I allowed myself to hang out with the wrong crowd, and be sucked into a life that I'm not proud to own up to.

One night, I snuck out and met up with a guy named James. He had been a part of the group of kids that I hung out with. Little did I know that James would be the one to introduce me to all the things I was scared to do, scared to try. The relationship I had with him was one of convenience for him, I believe. He got me to try alcohol, he got me to try drugs, and he was the first guy I had ever had sex with -- even though I had told him no.

_I had a bad feeling about sneaking out tonight, but I did it anyway. I headed over to James' house and he let me in immediately. It was cold outside and I was shivering._

_We sat around for a while watching movies and just hanging out. I wanted to impress him so I had taken a couple shots of whiskey, when he offered them to me. _

"_Hey Bella, baby…," James said, kissing me softly on the cheek._

_I just smiled and wrapped my arms around myself tighter, trying to keep myself warm. The alcohol in my system was doing an alright job of that already, but I still felt cold. _

"_What are you up for tonight?"_

"_Um, I don't know," I said, biting my lip nervously._

"_Oh come on, baby… You know why you're here," he leered, as he grabbed me and forced his lips to mine._

_I shook my head and muttered, "No," against his lips. "I don't want to do this. I know I said I did, but I changed my mind."_

"_There's no changing your mind, you fucking cocktease," he spat out as he pushed me onto my back roughly, causing the cushions on the couch to make me bounce slightly._

"_I said no, James…,"_

"_I don't care what you said. I just care about getting what I want, and right now what I want is you. Here, drink this…," He handed me another shot glass._

"_What is it?" _

"_It'll help loosen you up."_

"_I already did a couple shots with you earlier; I don't need to be loosened up." I argued._

"_Yes, you do," he said, as he pried open my mouth and poured the liquid down my throat, which burned and caused me to cough. He just laughed. "There, there, my Bella, it'll be fine."_

_I felt myself getting groggy as he pulled off my clothes. "No James… no…," I said before I passed out. _

I didn't want to tell anyone about what was going on because I didn't want anyone to know about my secret life. I let James continue to do whatever he wanted to me out of fear. It wasn't until I found myself in a precarious situation, that I finally said enough is enough.

_Pregnant. That's what the at-home test said._

"_No, I can't be…," I gasped out, terrified of the repercussions of what would happen if anyone found out. I left, not really wanting to tell James, but knowing that I had to._

"_Take care of it," James said firmly when I told him the news._

"_What do you mean?" _

"_You know what I mean. Either you take care of it, or I will."_

"_James, I can't do that. I can't do what you're asking me to do."_

"_Yes, you can, and yes, you will," he said as he backhanded me and threw me into the car, driving us to the Planned Parenthood._

"_We're here to get an abortion," he told the woman who was at the front window. She began asking him the standard questions about our background and income, coming to the conclusion that, yes, an abortion would be the best way to go since in her eyes, we had nothing going for us._

_I hid my face behind my hair, not wanting to look at anyone, rubbing my stomach absentmindedly. "I'm so sorry… so, so sorry…," I whispered._

_I was taken into the backroom and the procedure was performed. Once it was over, I curled up into a ball and just shivered. The emptiness I felt inside was overwhelming._

"_Let's go now, Bella," James said, grabbing my hand and pulling me up roughly._

_As I let him drag me out to the car, something inside of me snapped and I started screaming and beating him with my fists. "How dare you do this to me!" I screamed. "How dare you take away my innocence, and then force me to get rid of something that was the result of that!"_

_He pushed me to the ground and got in the car. "It's not my fault you're such a little slut." _

"_Fuck you, James! Fuck you!" I screamed. _

"_I've already fucked you, and trust me; I'm not going to be missing anything," he said, laughing as I watched him pull out of the driveway. I had been abandoned once again, and the feeling sucked. _

I never cried over what had happened, because I figured it was _my _fault. It was _my _choice. I didn't stop anyone when it had happened. I walked away from that part of my life and never looked back. I felt nothing but regret over it. But sometimes, you have to do all the wrong things to realize what's right.

My memories then jumped over to the days before Jasper left. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but as I felt myself coming out of the darkness, I realized that even if it all seemed alright, something obviously was very, very wrong.

"_Hey, Jasper!" I said, teasingly punching his arm. "What's up?"_

_No response._

"_Um, hello? I'm talking to you," I said, sitting next to him._

_He turned and looked at me, seeming like he had just registered that I was in the room. He was shaking slightly, but I didn't question it. He always seemed to be shaking slightly these days. "Hey," he said, forcing a smile._

_I frowned. "What's up? Where's Alice?"_

"_Oh, she ran out to grab something, I guess. I need to talk to her, but she's taking forever to get back," he said, rolling his eyes. "You know how she is. She loves to shop, and anything that catches her eye will keep her entertained for hours."_

_We laughed as I nodded my head, agreeing with him._

"_Well, I need to go get ready for work," I told him. "But, I should be home by tenish, which means we can probably hang out and watch a couple movies." _

"_Sounds great to me, Bells…," he said, smiling and hugging me. _

_We never watched movies that night. He was already gone, and I didn't know where he was, or what had caused him to leave._

The beeping started becoming louder, and all I could feel was pain, but I wasn't sure if I was in pain from remembering, or in actual physical pain.

"Owww," I groaned out, unsure if anyone could hear me.

"Bella? Bella!" a voice said, grabbing hold of my hand and stroking it. "Can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes and saw Edward standing over me, looking really worried. "Yes, I can hear you. My head hurts and my leg… my leg is killing me!" I panted out, starting to feel more pain.

"That's because you split your head open. You have a concussion, as well as a broken leg."

"What happened?" I asked, trying to remember what I had done that caused me to be in this situation. "The last I remember, I had a confrontation with Jake, and I left and called you and we were going to meet at the coffee shop…,"

Edward looked down. "Yeah, you were carjacked. I was pulling into the parking lot when I saw him throw you from the car."

I could hear anger in his voice. I patted his hand soothingly. "Edward, it's okay. At least I'm alive. I've been through much worse things…,"

He looked pained when he looked at me. "I don't ever want to hear you say that. I don't ever want to know that you've been through something worse than this."

It was my turn to look down. "Sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be sorry, Bella," he said. "It just makes me mad to think that something worse than this has happened to you. Bella… what _has _happened to you?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I was once again assaulted with my flashbacks. "You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't. If you knew, you'd…," I trailed off.

"I'd what?"

"You wouldn't want to be my friend." I finished.

"That's not true. I want to be more than your friend, Bella. How can you not see that? The only reason I haven't tried anything is because I _know _how uncomfortable you were after I kissed you last time."

"The only reason I was uncomfortable was because Rose was right down stairs. She could've easily walked up those stairs and seen us…," I said softly. "I don't want to hurt her like that."

"And what she's doing to me. Do you think that doesn't hurt me?" I could hear anger in his voice once more.

"That's not what I meant, Edward. I just mean, I can't do that to her. I can't just cheat with you just because she's cheating on you!" I said, hearing anger in my voice as well.

"Look, I didn't mean to make you upset," he said apologetically. "I just don't want you questioning my intentions towards you. Do I want you? Yes. Will I stop pursuing you? If you're uncomfortable, then yes…,"

I sighed. "I only want things to be over for sure with you and Rose before we talk about anything."

"That's fine with me, Bella," he whispered, looking away.

_What the fuck is going on? I'm so confused. _

_Are we sure that you're the one who has a concussion and not him?_

_Well, I am in pain, so maybe I hit my head harder than I thought. Maybe this is all a dream and I just imagined he said that he DID want me._

_No, sweetie, I don't think that was a dream._

_What would he want with me?_

_I don't know… to fuck you every which way he could, and to maybe make you happy?_

_Whatever. That's not true._

_It could be. You know you want it._

_No, I don't._

_Yes, you do. You want to be happy, AND you want some good fuck action._

_Okay, maybe I do._

"Bella are you alright? You kind of zoned out there," Edward asked, worriedly.

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine…,"

"Are you sure? Do you need anything? They can keep you here overnight if you're not feeling up to coming home."

"No! I want to leave. I don't want to be here any longer than necessary," I said, looking down and finally realizing that my leg was bandaged bulkily. "Um… shouldn't I be in a cast if my leg is broken?"

"You'll be getting a cast tomorrow," Edward stated.

"Oh, okay." I nodded.

"Let me go pull some strings and see if we can head on home."

I once again nodded stupidly and closed my eyes. _I basically forgot that he was a doctor._

_Hm. Maybe you can role-play. He can be your doctor, you can be the patient, and he can…_

_Shut up! I can't be thinking about doing that anytime soon. I already told him that things have to be completely over between him and Rose before I'll be ready to do anything with him._

_You can still fantasize…_

I growled under my breath and opened my eyes immediately, hoping no one heard me. I looked around and was relieved that no one was close enough to hear.

Sighing, I struggled to sit myself up, annoyed with the ache in my head and wanting to get the IV that was in my arm out as quickly as possible. I hated needles. I shuddered.

Edward came back with a smile. "You get to go home," he said triumphantly.

"Awesome. Can we _please _get this out of me now?" I asked impatiently, not wanting to look at the needle again.

"Yeah, the nurse is going to come back in and help you get dressed. I'm just going to sign the release forms. You're going to be under my care," he said, his eyes smoldering.

I shuddered once again. But this time, it had nothing to do with the needle in my arm.

The nurse came in as Edward walked out. "How are you feeling?"

"In pain, but that's expected, right?" I joked.

She chuckled. "Yes, that's expected." She came over and started to take the IV out of my arm and I sucked in a sharp breath. "Sorry if it hurts."

"No, I just hate needles…," I said weakly.

"Turn the other way," she instructed, and I did as she said. "There we go, it's out and you're bandaged up. Just apply a little pressure to it to stop the bleeding. Now let's see if we can get you dressed."

"Alright," I said, applying pressure to the cotton ball bandage that covered the spot where the IV had been inserted. I looked around, trying to figure out where my clothes would be. "Um… shouldn't there be a 'patient's belongings' bag around here somewhere?" I questioned.

"There should be, but your jeans had to be cut off of you so that your leg could be tended to," she said, apologetically.

"Oh," I said dumbly. "Well, then what am I supposed to wear as pants?"

She handed me some blue scrubs. "These are Edward's. He had an extra pair in his locker. They're going to be too big for you, but you can just tighten the string."

"Alright."

She helped me sit up and take the ugly hospital gown off. I pulled my shirt over my head, cursing lightly under my breath. "Did I have to get stitches?" I questioned.

The nurse nodded. "Yes, you did. You can take the bandage off of it tomorrow, but I want you to keep it on tonight," she said, as she helped me pull Edward's scrubs on.

"Ow, ow, ow," I chanted softly. "Having a broken leg sucks."

"I could imagine," she said, giggling.

Edward walked in carrying some papers, a bag, and crutches just as the nurse was helping me tighten the strings on the pants. "Sorry, it's all I had."

"No, it's alright," I said, smiling at him as I hopped on one leg, trying to get into the wheelchair that was next to the bed.

"I have your aftercare instructions right here, and I picked up your prescriptions for some pain pills. You can be sure that I'll be taking great care of you."

_Oh fuck. _I moaned quietly in my head.

_I know how he can take care of you. He can stick it in you._

"I'm glad you're my doctor, Dr. Cullen," I mocked.

He laughed and the nurse just looked jealous. I rolled my eyes as I was wheeled out of the room and to Edward's car, which he had pulled up to the patient loading zone. The nurse helped me get into the car, taking another look at Edward and me, shaking her head.

_Jealous much, bitch. _I snickered internally.

I was shown how to use the crutches by the nurse as I sat in the car and buckled up, waiting for Edward to enter. He had handed me my cell phone when we were exiting the hospital, and I looked at the display screen to see that I had quite a few missed calls and texts from Rose. Apparently Edward didn't call her.

I groaned. "Edward, were you planning on telling Rose what happened?"

"I was going to, but I figured I'd wait and find out if you wanted to tell her," he answered, while driving out of the parking lot.

"Oh, alright," I said, frowning. "Her texts seem pretty frantic… Oh, crap!" I gasped.

"What? What's wrong?" Edward said, slamming on the breaks.

"I was supposed to pick up some things from the store for Rose. That was the whole reason why I was out to begin with, and now we're heading back empty-handed…,"

"Bella, I'm sure Rose can understand _why _we're heading back empty-handed. Now, we can either call her right now, or just talk to her when we get to the house."

I sat in my seat pouting.

"Why are you pouting?" he asked, chuckling.

"Because, I feel like I've let her down and now I really don't want to go to the house."

"That's ridiculous!" he said, full out laughing now.

"No, it's not! She expected me to go out and get what she needed, and now I'm showing up with nothing!"

His laughter still filled the car and I tried to be angry, but even I could realize how ridiculous I sounded. "Alright, fine. We can just talk to her when we get to the house," I conceded.

_Even if I don't have anything to bring to her._

_She's going to flip out knowing that you got hurt anyway._

_Yeah, but…_

_But nothing. Stop thinking so much._

We arrived at the house and I took a deep breath. Edward walked over and helped me out of the car, letting me lean against the car as he pulled out the crutches and showed me how to use them once again. Because it was so dark outside, he walked right next to me, helping to make sure he was able to catch me before I fell, and knowing me, I knew that falling was very possible. We got to the front door, and he opened it up, helping me inside as well.

"Rose?" I called out timidly; still afraid of the fact that I did not do what I said I was going to do.

There was no answer.

I looked at Edward and shrugged then giggled. "Think I should text her even though we're here? I wonder if she'd respond to that."

He laughed at me. "Um… sure, you can try that."

So we went over to the couch and I sat down, feeling like all the energy had been drained from me. My head was starting to hurt really bad again and I was sure that I was going to need a pain pill sometime soon. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text:

**hey rose, im at the house…where are you? Kinda need 2 talk 2 u.**

I waited anxiously for a reply as Edward went into the kitchen. "Can you get me a water?" I called out to him.

"Sure thing!" he called back.

_Where the heck is Rose and why is she taking forever to respond?_

_She has probably got her hands full…_

_Ugh, no… I don't want to think about that!_

_Too late._

Edward walked back in and handed me a bottle of water. "Here, I think it's time you take some pain pills and just go lay down. I'll talk to Rose and let her know what happened," he said, sympathetically.

"Don't pity me, Edward," I said, as I quickly downed the pills with the water.

"I don't pity you. I just feel like it's my fault… I was the one who told you to go to the coffee shop, if I hadn't told you to go there, none of this would've happened…," he said, angrily.

"That's not true. It's not _your _fault that I have such crappy luck." I tried to joke.

He sighed. "I'm still sorry." Then he looked perplexed. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

"There's no way I'm going to let you try to hop up the stairs on crutches. This just means that tomorrow I need to go out and get around to signing the lease for the one story house I've been looking at."

"What are you talking about? Why would you be signing a lease on a house?" I asked stupidly.

"I need to move out eventually, especially with the divorce moving forward. I can't be staying here forever."

"Oh."

"And…," He started nervously. "I was wondering if, you'd like to come stay there instead of staying here. I mean, you don't have to. I just think it'd be easier for you because there's no stairs to climb. Plus, you need to rest before you can go back to watching the kids. They like to play rough and I don't want them to hurt you…," he rambled.

"Edward?" I said, snapping my fingers trying to get his attention. "Edward!"

He stopped talking and looked at me.

"Can I sleep on it? My head is fucking killing me and Rose isn't answering her text and I just want to sleep."

He nodded. "I can carry you up the stairs to your room, if you'd like."

I shook my head no. "That's alright. I can just sleep on the couch."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," I said, yawning.

"Let me at least fix the couch up for you," he said, rushing out of the room presumably to grab sheets, blankets, and a pillow for me.

I smiled. _He's too nice. Should I accept his offer?_

_YES!!_

_I can't just jump into this without thinking about it._

_Yes, you can! You can also just jump his bones!_

_No. I can't. The last thing I can do is jump his bones… especially if I'm living with him. What if things end up working out between him and Rose? That'd make things awkward for me._

_Things won't work out for them._

_How do you know?_

_Just trust me._

"Ha, I can't trust anyone, let alone myself," I said aloud.

"Why do you say that?" Edward asked, entering the room.

I blushed and looked down. "Um, forget it."

"No, tell me," he demanded, looking concerned.

"Well, I can't trust anyone because look at how things have gone for me."

"I get what you mean there, but why can't you trust yourself?"

This caused me to blush even more.

"Bella, you can tell me."

"No, I can't," I mumbled.

"Look at me," he said, lifting my chin so he could look into my eyes. "Why can't you trust yourself?"

_I can't tell him. I can't do it. I can't do it!!_

"Because… I'm too scared to," I said, not exactly lying.

"You shouldn't be scared to trust yourself. If anything, the only person you should trust is yourself." He paused. "And me," he added.

I half-laughed, half-snorted. "Well if that's the case, then we'll be in a lot of trouble."

"Why?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Because if I trust myself, and if I trust you, then I'll probably do this…," I said, pulling his face to mine and kissing him softly, but intensely.

I pulled back and he looked dazed.

"I shouldn't have done that," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

He looked at me intensely. "Don't be. I've been wanting to kiss you again ever since the last time. It's a sick addiction."

"Trust me, I know. But, it's not right. Not right now." I pulled myself up and leaned on my crutches. "Here, I can get the couch ready to sleep on."

"No, I can do it," he said, brushing my hair out of my face. He placed a sheet on the couch and tried to make it look inviting. "Are you sure you wouldn't much rather I carry you up the stairs?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. This is perfect. I need to sleep now," I said, yawning even bigger. I felt myself getting a bit loopy from the pain medicine and I was afraid that if he stayed around me any longer, I couldn't be held responsible for what occurred.

He helped me settle onto the couch and placed a blanket over me. "Sleep well, Bella," he said, placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Thank you, Edward. For everything," I said, closing my eyes.

I listened to his retreating footsteps before I pulled the pillow over my face and let out a little squeal.

I knew in that moment that I would say yes to his offer. I would say yes to anything he asked me to.

But at the same time, I was scared. I didn't want to tell him everything about my past._ I_ didn't even want to know everything about my past.

* * *

**Just wanted to let you all know that I signed up for the "Fandom Gives Back" auction. All proceeds will be going to Alex's Lemonade Stand which is an organization for children with cancer... all the money goes towards cancer research. Wanna learn more about it? Visit thefandomgivesback(dot)com  
**


	13. Misguided Ghosts

**A/N Hello beautiful readers! Your support of this story simply astounds me! I wanna thank the amazing Jessicai67 for helping me out with this chapter -- you're the best wifey ever! Have you checked out her story, "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" yet? If not, run over to my profile and check it out asap!  
**

****Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, but I do own this story line****

**!!WARNING: some dark themes in this chapter.... read at your own risk!!  
**

* * *

_And now I'm told that this is life  
That pain is just a simple compromise  
So we can get what we want out of it  
Would someone care to classify  
Our broken hearts and twisted minds  
So I can find someone to rely on  
And run to them, to them  
Full speed ahead  
Oh, you are not useless  
We are just  
Misguided ghosts  
Travelin' endlessly  
The ones we trusted the most  
Pushed us far away  
And there's no one road  
We should not be the same  
But I'm just a ghost  
And still they echo me_

- Paramore "Misguided Ghosts"

-----

Sleep came easily that night, but with sleep came dreams. I dreamt about things that I refused to think about in real life, my relationship with Jacob especially. Something that Edward had said to me stuck with me. It stayed in the back of my mind, festering, and building until finally it burst bringing with its rupture a fresh wave of memories.

When Jasper left, I was a mess. I didn't talk. I didn't eat. I didn't want to be around anyone, until Jacob. He helped to bring me out of my depression. He brought me back to, well, me in a way.

I can't say that he used me, because I really felt like I used him.

"_Bella you need to get out; you can't just sit in here and wallow in self-pity." Jake said, trying to motivate me to do something._

"_I can't, Jake. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be left alone." _

"_I'm not going to leave you alone. Now talk to me. You can't keep this all inside," he demanded._

"_I just don't understand it is all." I said, looking up into his eyes and seeing compassion there. "Why did he leave without saying anything? Where did he go? WHAT made him feel like he had to go? Was it something I did? How can I fix this?" All my questions came bubbling out of me, along with my tears. "There's nothing that can be done, because there's no answers for any of my questions. He left. He's gone, and I don't know if he'll ever come back."_

_I sobbed heavily, laying my head against Jake's chest. He wrapped his arms around me. "Why wasn't I worth staying around for? Was I that bad of a sister? That bad of a person? I feel like no matter what, in the end, everyone always leaves."_

_He pulled me closer, and the contact made me feel comforted. Comfort was something that I had been seeking._

"_You're worth so much more than you think, Bella. I'll _never _leave you." He spoke with such conviction, lifting my face so my eyes could meet his. "I won't do that to you. You're worth staying around for."_

_Staring into his eyes, I felt something. What? I'm not sure. But, I knew that at that moment, I wanted to feel needed. I wanted to feel worth being held. I just wanted._

"_Jake…," I whispered. "Please, show me you mean it. Please."_

"_I'll do anything you want, Bella. Anything."_

"_Show me you mean it." I said, pulling his face to mine, so I could kiss him. _

_Taking the hint, he captured my lips and took the lead, dominating our kiss and everything that took place after that. _

_He never one said no. He never once stopped me. And _I _never said no, _I _never stopped him._

I felt myself waking up and was not surprised that the pain pills didn't prevent me from waking up in pain. I was however, surprised that Edward fell asleep in the chair next to the couch. As I was trying not to groan aloud, he was by my side, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"Bella? Are you alright?" He asked, leaning over me.

"Ugh… Yeah…. I just hurt, and I feel disgusting. I really need to go to the bathroom," I complained. I wanted nothing more than to just get in the shower and stand under the hot water until it ran cold.

But I couldn't do that. I couldn't do anything on my own, and I fucking hated it.

"Can you sit up, or do you need me to help you?"

I contemplated that for a minute and decided that I would at least try to sit up. I pulled myself up, careful not to jostle my leg, but still grimaced in pain. My head seemed to hurt even more than it did last night.

"I need help." I sighed.

"Alright, what do you need help with?"

"Maybe we should get Rose," I said, blushing. "I _really _need to go to the bathroom, and I kind of want to take a shower. The grimy look just doesn't work for me."

He chuckled and nodded, "I'll go get her. I filled her in on what happened last night. To say that she felt horrible is an understatement. She feels like it's her fault, that she should have gone out to the store herself."

"Can't change what's been done." I whispered.

"I wish I could." He said his eyes full of something I couldn't quite place. "I'll be back down in a minute."

_What the heck was that about?_

_I don't know. Something's wrong, that much is obvious._

_Something must have happened last night when he was talking to Rose._

I pulled myself into a sitting position with my leg stretched out in front of me on the table, as Edward walked down the stairs with Rose trailing behind him.

"Bella, I'm _so _sorry!" were the first words out of her mouth. "I should have just gone instead of letting you go! So Jake had been following you and confronted you at the store?"

I nodded.

"And then when you went to the coffee shop, you were carjacked?" she continued.

"Yup."

"So, your head was split open, you suffered a concussion, and your leg is broken?"

"Mhm."

"You have the worst luck ever!" she exclaimed.

"You're telling me!" I said, laughing. "But, can we talk in a few minutes? I need to take care of a few things, one of which would be a shower, and I need your help with that."

"Bella, I'm going to carry you upstairs, and you're going to use the master bathroom, okay? The shower actually has a bench in it with a detachable shower-head, so you won't need Rose to stand over you and bathe you." Edward said, placing my arms around his neck and lifting my body bridal style.

"Are you sure you can carry me? I'm heavy!" I complained.

"You're light as a feather," he replied and carried me up the stairs to the master bathroom.

I gasped. "Oh my goodness, it's beautiful in here! Why have I never been in here?" I wondered aloud as he put me down on the bathroom counter.

"You've always been welcome to use it; you've just always used the guest bathroom." Rose said, giggling.

"Wow." I breathed out.

"Bella, you need to be careful with your stitches. Rose will need to help you carefully wash your hair, to avoid getting your stitches wet. Then I'll help you but on the antibiotic solution. I also need to go ahead and wrap your leg in a trash bag." Edward said, breaking me out of ogling of the shower and everything that could be achieved in it. He set to wrapping my leg up for me as I continued to think dirty, dirty things.

_That shower can fit like six people comfortably!_

_I can think of two people who should be using that shower together immediately._

_Shut up._

_You can't say that you're not thinking about it, because I **am** you, and I know what you're thinking, you whore. _My inner voice laughed at me as I blushed.

"Are you embarrassed that you have to undress in front of Rose? I'd help you out, but I figured you'd be more comfortable being nude in front of her." Edward said, running his hands through his hair nervously.

_I WANT TO BE NAKED WITH YOU IN A DIFFERENT SCENARIO!!! _

"Oh, no it's okay. I'll get over it quickly."

He nodded and left the room, leaving me sitting on the counter with Rose standing in front of me. "Well, let's get this party started," she said, winking, and effectively causing me to blush once again.

To say that the experience was a bit awkward was an understatement, but I knew that I was going to have to depend on her for some time to help me shower. I needed to get over the embarrassment and fast.

Once she finished helping me pull some shorts on, she handed me my crutches so I could make myself practice some more. There was no way I was going to let Edward carry me everywhere, even if I _did _enjoy being in his arms.

"So, did Edward tell you what happened last night after you fell asleep?" Rose said, nervously.

"No. What happened?"

"He just came upstairs looking for me, to tell me what had happened to you I guess, and he saw Emmett and me asleep on the couch in the bonus room. He wasn't all that happy with me."

"What did he say?"

_I wouldn't be happy either. I mean, yeah, he knows that she's cheating on him, but it has to be hard to see her together with him still._

"He didn't say anything at first, just slammed the door and walked downstairs. I'm surprised you didn't hear it."

"No, the pain pills really knocked me out," I said.

"Well that's good. Because I went after him and asked him what his problem was. And by ask, I mean I flipped out on him," she said, looking a bit ashamed.

"Why did you flip out on him?"

"I flip out on him over everything, Bella. Remember?"

I nodded as she continued.

"Well, he told me to keep my voice down and to go back upstairs, that he would talk to me there. He didn't want to wake you up. It's really sweet how he thinks about things like that when it comes to you, but anyway. I followed him upstairs continuously asking him why you were sleeping on the couch and why he was in such a bad mood…," she took a breath. "He then told me what happened to you. I was shocked. He shocked me even further by letting me know exactly how he felt about the fact that I let you go out by yourself, while I stayed home and 'did whatever the fuck I wanted to do with Emmett'. He was seriously pissed."

"I'm sorry that he took it out on you," I said, sighing.

"Well, that's not all. Edward then turned to Emmett and told him to leave."

"He did what?!" I exclaimed.

"He told him to leave. He said, 'This is my house, Rose is still my wife, and I want to talk to her about things privately. But you're always here, so I need you to leave, now!' and Emmett didn't take that too well."

"Um… what happened?" I was just beginning to realize that Emmett wasn't around. He was _always _there, so I just figured he was playing with the kids or something.

"Edward practically dragged Emmett out of the house, which is not an easy feat considering how big he is, you know?"

I nodded.

"Emmett then got into his car and peeled out of the neighborhood so quickly I'm sure that I'm going to hear complaints about it today," she sighed. "I really need to text him to find out if he's okay. I mean, he was angry that Edward would tell him to leave and then practically throw him out of the house."

"Well, doesn't Edward have the right to do that? He really is pretty much always here. And if he wanted to talk to you privately, he should be able to, without having to worry about Emmett being there hearing everything," I said, trying hard not to make it obvious that I was 'Team Edward' in this whole ordeal.

"He didn't have to go about it the way he did." Rose said angrily, as she pulled out her phone and typed out a text to Emmett I could only assume. "Oh, I just got your message. What did you need to talk about?"

"I wanted to tell you what happened to me, but Edward took care of that." I said, attempting to smile.

"Oh, alright. Well, I really do feel bad about it. Edward's right… I shouldn't have let you gone out by yourself while I stayed here and watched a movie with Emmett… which was what we were doing, by the way, when we fell asleep together."

"Rose, you don't have to explain yourself to me," I said, as I saw Edward coming up the stairs.

"Hey ladies,." he said, smiling. "I need to take Bella to the doctor so she can get a cast put on her leg. Rose, you'll be home all day with the kids right?"

They stared each other down, as if they were getting ready to have a wrestling match. A silent conversation passed between the two, and I felt embarrassed to be witnessing it.

"Yes, I will be home with the kids all day today, _honey_."

"Good. We'll be back later," Edward said.

"When's later?" she asked.

"Whenever we get done. Will you bring Bella's crutches downstairs while I carry her? Thanks," he said, sarcastically while once again wrapping my arms around his neck and lifting me bridal style.

As he carried me down the stairs, I whispered, "What the hell was that about Edward? Rose told me a little about what happened last night."

"Later." Was all he said as he carried me out of the open front door and placed me into the car.

-----

"Edward, what happened with you and Rose last night? She said you threw Emmett out?" I asked, turning towards him. The atmosphere in the car was almost suffocating.

He sighed. "Yes, I did. I wanted to be able to talk to her without having him around. There are some things that need to be discussed privately, and since he wouldn't willingly leave, I had to force him to. It's still _my _house, even if he and Rose act like it's _theirs._"

In that moment, Edward looked older than twenty-five years. He looked like a man who had the weight of the world on his shoulders, with no one offering to help lessen his burden.

"Are you alright? Something seems very off today…"

"You're right. Something is off. I thought that talking to her last night would help, but I think it did more harm than good."

"Do you mind if I ask what you talked about? Maybe I can help you out."

"I told her about my plans to move out, and that I offered to let you stay with me while you had a broken leg so you could get around easily. She didn't take that very well. She took it as me stealing you away from her and the kids. When I told her that it seemed like you were raising our kids, and that she was just too busy fucking Emmett to parent, I had never seen anyone look so… _hateful._ I think her exact words were, 'I don't spend my time fucking Emmett, I watch the kids too. I'm around them a lot more than she is!' All it took was one look from me to make her eat her words," Edward said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, feeling a bit angry that Rose said that she was the one who was always with the kids. If anything I felt like they were _mine._ I spent _more _time with them than her AND Edward combined.

_Take deep breaths, Bella. You shouldn't be getting angry over this._

"I laid out all the facts, and told her exactly what I knew. She didn't realize that I knew about everything that she had been doing. Which is why I made that comment about her being with the kids all day. She can't just pass them off to you and slack on her responsibilities. _She's _the one who wanted kids. _She's _the one who trapped me into a marriage by lying about being on birth control and getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life itself. I just think she needs to step up and take accountability for that," he said, clearly frustrated.

"Wow. Talk about a complicated marriage," I said, immediately regretting it. "I just mean, it's ridiculous that she's not taking responsibility for her choices and having someone else raise her children instead, and by someone else, I mean me. Like, I seriously love them, they're amazing, but I'm going to be honest with you Edward, sometimes I feel as if they're more mine than they are hers. I'm with them probably more than both of you combined, and they're amazing… But I didn't sign up to be a parent. I don't deserve to be a parent." I said, whispering the last part.

However, the last part was what Edward picked up on. "First off, I'm not asking _you _to be a parent. I was _telling _Rose to step up. Secondly, everyone deserves to be a parent. In fact, I think you're doing an amazing job with my children, Bella," he said tenderly, grabbing for my hand.

"You don't understand, Edward. I'm a horrible person. If you knew everything about me, you'd realize it too, and you wouldn't want anything to do with me."

"You keep saying variations of that. You're not a horrible person, Bella."

"Yes, I am," I said.

"No, you're not. I can sit here and argue with you and win, but I can sense that you don't want to talk about it right now. So, let's just move on, okay?"

I nodded and turned to look out the window, watching the scenery pass me by.

_Seem familiar?_

_What do you mean?_

_Watching life pass you by._

_Whatever. It has not passed me by. I'm still here living it._

_Not living. Still barely existing._

_That's not true._

_Yes it is. You're barely existing, putting on a façade, and you know it._

-----

We arrived at the doctor's office, and Edward had me wait in the car while he ran in to get me a wheelchair. I was starting to feel like I was an invalid. Shaking off that feeling, I sucked it up and got into the chair, letting him wheel me inside straight to the cast room bypassing all the other patients waiting.

"You're lucky I'm such an esteemed member of this hospital," Edward joked. "Otherwise you wouldn't have been able to get an appointment to get a cast for maybe a week."

"Well aren't I just the luckiest girl in the world!" I said, pretending to swoon.

"Not yet, but you will be," he replied, winking at me.

"Oh yeah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"You won't be the luckiest girl in the world until you're mine," he said, suppressing a smirk.

I reached out to punch his arm. "I highly doubt _that _will make me the luckiest girl in the world." _Although I _can _think of what would make me feel pretty lucky._

"What would make you feel pretty lucky?" Edward asked, chuckling.

"I said that out loud?" I asked, my eyes wide as the familiar feeling of heat rising on my cheeks.

"Yes, you did. Now tell me what would make you feel pretty lucky, otherwise I'll draw my own conclusions, and let me tell you -- what I can come up with is pretty graphic." He was full out laughing at me now.

"Draw away, sir, draw away," I said, laughing as well.

"Am I interrupting something?" Someone said, clearing their throat behind me.

"Not at all," Edward replied, still trying to get his laughter under control.

"From what I heard, it was…,"

_Shit. Was she serious, or was she just playing around? How much did she hear?_

The person walked in front of me, and I realized that it was the doctor. She shook Edward's hand then turned to me, and introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Dr. Leah Clearwater. You must be Bella."

"That's me," I said, weakly.

"If I'm not mistaken, aren't you married Dr. Cullen?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm getting divorced," he replied, all traces of his earlier humor gone. "Now can we go ahead and get her leg put in a cast? I already know that the X-rays showed that it was a fairly clean break, so it doesn't need to be set."

"I need to see those X-rays for myself. I _am _the head of Orthopedics, so please, let me do my job."

"By all means."

_Um. Awkward exchange much?_

She walked out of the room presumably to grab my X-rays.

"So, what was _that _all about?" I asked, turning to look at Edward.

"Nothing really. She's just one of my many colleagues who think they have a chance at getting into my pants is all," he said, sarcastically.

"You mean, you don't just put out for anyone?" I joked.

"Why Bella, are you insinuating that I'm a manwhore?" he said, feigning hurt.

"Yes, yes I am. You're a manwhore," I mocked.

"Well, let's make this appointment interesting then. Play along, okay?" He smiled and winked at me as Dr. Clearwater walked back into the room holding my X-rays.

"You're right. It is a fairly clean break," she said, almost sounding like she was disappointed. "Now Bella, I'm going to unwrap this bandage so I can go ahead and wrap the plaster cast around your leg. Would you prefer a specific color?"

"Um, no, not really," I replied.

"Okay then, we'll just go with the standard white."

I shrugged.

She soon became consumed with the process of casting up my leg, so I allowed myself to zone out for a few minutes.

_I think I have a sick obsession with doctors now. I can think of many scenarios where Edward is treating me as his patient… with benefits. "Examining" me and making me writhe under his skillful hands. Kissing me, driving me wild with need. _

I snapped back to reality when I felt Edward nudge me. I looked over at him, and he winked, letting me know that it was now time to play along with whatever plan he had.

Dr. Clearwater had her back turned, washing her hands in the sink as Edward walked over to wrap an arm around her shoulder. "Hey Leah, I just wanted to say thanks for helping me out and doing this for Bella. If there's anything I can do to repay you, let me know," he said, trying to make his voice sound seductive.

I suppressed a giggle and decided to take it to the next level. "Yes, thank you. If there's _anything we _can do, just let us know." I winked at her, letting her think that I was flirting as well.

She looked flustered. "What… what are you talking about? Edward, what's going on?"

"It's just that… Well, I want you, Leah. I want you _so _bad, and so does Bella. We both do. Would you be into that?"

The look of shock that became evident on her face was hilarious, and she took a step back, sitting down on her chair, trying to register what was happening.

Edward looked up at the clock on the wall. "Oh, too late We need a decision a minute ago. The offer is no longer on the table."

She seemed to be lost in her thoughts, so Edward turned the wheelchair and hauled ass out of the room, careful not to bump into anything. He waved goodbye to everyone who seemed to be calling out greetings and went straight to the car, unlocking it and opening the door for me.

"I need to go take this wheelchair back inside…," he said, as he helped me get into the car.

I nodded, trying really hard not to start laughing at the events that had just taken place.

He left and returned almost immediately. _That didn't take long. _Hopping into the car, he started it up. All it took was one look at each other, and it couldn't be held in any longer. We started laughing hysterically.

"Oh my God, that was probably one of the funniest things I have ever done!" he exclaimed.

"I know! Same here! And her face! Did you see her face? I thought she was going to pee her pants when you said that you wanted her badly!" Tears were streaming down my face. "This day has been great. Thanks for taking the day off to be with me, Edward."

"No problem, Bella. I don't mind at all," he said, smiling as he drove. "Do you want to go grab something to eat?"

"Sounds good to me," I said, still laughing. My phone started ringing, and without bothering to look at the caller ID, I answered. "Hello?"

"Oh hey, you answered! I was expecting your voicemail…,"

"Alice?"

Edward looked over at me questioningly.

"Yeah. It's me. Like I said, I was expecting your voicemail. I figured you'd hit ignore like you've been doing for awhile now…," she said trailing off.

I stayed silent.

"Bella? Are you there?"

"Unfortunately," I whispered, venomously. "What do you want?"

"We need to talk. I need to explain what's been going on. Me and Jake… it's not what you think! He told me that he saw you last night and that you said you wanted nothing to do with him. That hurt him bad, Bella. Like, you don't even understand how badly it hurt him. And how much it's hurting --"

"Don't you dare say you, Alice. Don't you dare," I said, cutting her off. "We're all hurting because of this, because of something you _two _did to _me._ So excuse me if I'm not a little more sympathetic to _your _feelings."

"Bella, please listen to me," she cried into the phone. "I need to see you and talk to you. It's important.

"I don't know if I can handle seeing you."

I could hear her take a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. "I need to talk to you about Jasper. I know where he is."

I gasped, and Edward pulled the car over turning to me. "Bella, what's wrong?" he asked.

"She says she knows where Jasper is," I said, completely forgetting that she was still on the phone. "She said she needs to see me and talk to me. Edward, I don't know what to do."

"Let her know that _we _will meet her at the park," he said, motioning towards the phone.

"Oh. I forgot you were still on the phone," I said, softly. "Edward and I will meet you at the park. We can talk there. I can't see you alone. I don't want to," I explained.

"I understand," she whispered. "Which park?"

"Our park. The one where we all carved our names into the tree."

"I'll see you soon, Bella."

"Goodbye Alice," I stated simply and hung up.

"Are you okay with this?" Edward asked.

"Not even close to being okay with this, but I know that if I want answers, I have to see her. Are you sure _you're _okay with this?"

"I'm fine with it. I'm doing this for you, not for her."

I nodded and closed my eyes, placing my head softly on the car window. "I'm scared to hear what she knows."

"Would you rather be kept in the dark?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "No. I want to know the truth, and I want to know it now."

"Then let's head to the park."

We drove in silence, the happiness and laughter no longer present. Instead, a sense of dread and anxiety filled the car, making the drive seem to end way too soon.

Pulling into a parking spot at the park, Edward turned the car off and we sat in silence. Silence that was way too deafening.

"Are you ready?" he asked when we saw Alice pull into the parking lot.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I answered unsteadily.

"Just remember that I'm here for you Bella. If you don't want to hear what she has to say, just let me know, and we can leave."

"Thank you, Edward," I said sincerely.

He got out of the car and walked over, opening my door and grabbing the crutches before helping me out. As I steadied myself, I saw Alice look our way with a look of intrigue.

_She's probably wondering why I'm on crutches._

_Or she could be staring at Edward, trying to think of ways to steal him too._

Edward and I made our way over to a table, and Alice followed a few feet behind. I sat down and propped my leg up moving over just enough for Edward to be able to sit next to me, not leaving any room for Alice. I wanted her to stand in front of me and tell me what she knew.

"Hey Bella… What happened to your leg?" she inquired.

"It's broken."

"Oh, well that much is obvious. How are you? I miss you so much. I wish you would come back home, and talk to me and be my best friend again. You really don't know how hard it's been not having you around…,"

"Alice, I'm here to hear about Jasper. Not about you."

"I know. I just need to explain everything. Please, just hear me out," she pleaded.

"Fine," I said, crossing my arms across my chest. I knew that I was acting like a child, but I didn't care.

"Let me start from the beginning."

"That would be nice."

"Bella, please, just listen."

I rolled my eyes, "Continue."

"That night that Jasper disappeared, I knew where he was going. He was leaving because of me. Because of what I got him in to. I know that this makes me sound like a bad person, but please understand that I never meant to hurt him, or even you. I didn't realize what his leaving would do to you. How it would cause you to stop living, and start barely existing, which by the way, is not the way to be."

I glared at her.

"Moving on…," she said, hesitantly as Edward placed his arm around me. "Um, the whole thing happened about three months before he left. It was pretty easy to see what was going on, but you worked all the time, which left me and Jasper alone… Alone to experiment with things."

"I don't want to hear about your sex life."

"That's not what I meant when I said experimented. We, well we tried out drugs."

"You what?" I heard Edward growl next to me.

She looked over at him and glared. "I got him to try out drugs, okay? And he got hooked. Like beyond hooked. It was so bad that he had me going out pretty much every day to go out and buy more. I know I enabled his habit, but that's because I was so deep into it too. He became a dealer to help support us and our habit. I hate that I did this to him, and to you." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I stopped using, and told him he needed to stop too. I figured it would be easy since I drove Jasper crazy with need for something that was so bad for him, I thought that taking it away would make him see clearly again. That didn't work. He left because he couldn't take me stopping him from doing what he wanted to do. You know that he's always done what he wants. And he has always had a way of getting what he wants because of his charisma."

"So you're the one who drove him away? Because you got him hooked on drugs? Not only hooked, but got him to start selling them? And you didn't tell me?" I was feeling more anger than I had ever felt in my entire life. "All this time you knew this and you didn't say one word? Every tear that I cried, you just let me shed them?!"

"I never meant to hurt you," she whispered.

"You never meant to hurt me? Really? _Really?_"

"Bella, look at me," Edward spoke softly, trying to calm me down. "Remember what I said in the car?"

"Yes, I remember. But I'm not finished yet." I turned away from him and back to Alice. "So, you drove my brother away with your stupidity and your inability to know right from wrong? You got him hooked on something that was dangerous for him, _and _you failed to tell me! You got him to start _selling _the drugs as well to support YOU! And not only that, but you also went behind my back and fucked someone that I was seeing! Someone that I also trusted. You make me sick. I don't want to see you ever again, but before I finish, just tell me -- do you know where Jasper is?"

"Yes," she whispered, looking away from me crying. "But I can't tell you. I promised him I wouldn't. He doesn't want to see you. He doesn't even want to see me. He hates me for this, he's already told me as much."

"He can't possibly hate you as much as I do right now," I spat out. "Tell me where he is. Now," I growled through clenched teeth.

"I can't. I promised him I wouldn't. He tried to get help, but he's too far deep. He's gone, Bella. Not just physically, but mentally,"she cried the sobs racking her tiny frame.

In that moment, I couldn't help but pity the person in front of me. "You're really fucked up, did you know that? More so than me, than Jasper. _You're _the one who hurt him, then turned around and hurt me. I had always thought of you as a best friend, but a best friend doesn't get someone's brother hooked on drugs. A best friend doesn't drive someone's brother away. And a best friend certainly doesn't go behind one's back to get cheap thrills because she's lost hope that the man she said she _loved _hates her."

I closed my eyes and attempted to hold back the tears that wanted so desperately to fall from my eyes. I refused to cry for her. She didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry for turning Jasper into what he is, and I'm sorry for what I did with Jake. I wish you would let me explain what happened there."

"I don't want to hear it. I really don't. I'm over you. I'm over him. I'm just over it all."

"Bella, please… please don't give up on me."

"It's too late, Alice. It's just too late. I hope you're happy with the mess you've made. The lives you ruined. I hope you're happy with you."

I turned towards Edward, "Let's go."

He simply nodded, helped me stand up to use my crutches, and led the way back to the car. As he helped me get in, I couldn't help but stare at Alice one last time. The image of her falling to the ground with her face in her hands would forever be burned into my mind, but I didn't care. I couldn't care.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked softly, pulling away.

"No. What do you do when the person you would normally call to be the shoulder you cry on, happens to be the person who made you cry?" I asked, finally letting the tears spill down my face.

_They say follow your heart, but when it's broken into a million little pieces, which one are you supposed to follow?_

I felt Edward swipe a tear from my face, and I turned towards him looking him in the eyes. "You turn to someone new."

"Who?"

"Me." he answered simply, as he turned towards me and wrapped his arms around me. "You can turn to me, and I'll help you through. I'll do whatever it is you need."

I took a deep shuddering breath, trying to get myself under control. "Can you help me find him? Help me find Jasper? I need to see him myself."

"Yes, I will. I'll do whatever it takes." Strong emotions filled his voice.

I nodded against his chest. _I want to believe in you Edward. Please let me believe in you. _"I have faith in you," I whispered. _Because faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. _

_

* * *

_**So, what did you think? This is by far the longest chapter I've written... and things are just going to be... interesting from here on out lol  
**

**It occured to me that I forgot to ask a question last chapter, so this week's question is: What are you looking forward to seeing most in New Moon?**

**You know what to do!** **Review and tell me just how much you hated this chapter ;)**


	14. Breathe

**A/N You all are amazing. It can't be said enough. Thank you so much for sticking with me and reading this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
I posted some FAQs on my profile, and answered the questions that I'm obviously asked a lot.  
Thanks to Jessi for being the most amazing twin/friend/wifey. This chapter is kind of short...sorry....**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, just this storyline**

* * *

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away,  
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.  
People are people,  
And sometimes we change our minds.  
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.  
Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie,  
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.  
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,  
Now I don't know what to be without you around.  
And we know it's never simple, never easy.  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,  
And I can't breathe,  
Without you but I have to,  
Breathe, without you,  
But I have to.  
_ - Taylor Swift "Breathe"

-----

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and took it out, realizing that I had just received a text. I sighed as I opened my phone to view it.

**B, we NEED 2 talk!! Plz meet me at my house! - J**

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. _Fuck. I know I shouldn't, but why do I want to go over there so badly? _

_Because you want answers._

_What's he going to tell me that I don't already know?_

_What happened with him and Alice? What happened with him and you?_

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, causing me to jump slightly as I opened my eyes and looked over at him.

"Jake wants me to meet him at his house to talk," I whispered, "and I kind of want to go over to talk with him."

"Are you sure about that? Can you handle seeing him today after what just happened with Alice?" I could hear the undercurrent of anger in his voice.

"Yes." I nodded.

He rubbed his eyes with the ball of his palms and sighed. "If you're sure…"

"I am."

_I think…_

_No, I know I'm sure._

_Ahh, I hope I'm doing the right thing!_

He sighed deeply and drove towards Jake's house, not saying a single word to me. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest as we got closer.

_Should I be doing this? Should I? I just… I don't know what to do! I need to know that he didn't know anything about this. If he did, he wouldn't have been with Alice right? _

"Edward… Am I doing the right thing?"

"Do you think you are?"

"I don't know," I took a deep breath. "I just want to hear him say that he didn't know anything about this. That if he had, he wouldn't have been with Alice, you know?"

"I understand you need answers. I just don't understand why you want to put yourself through something like this, especially after what just happened," he spoke quietly.

"I need to do this. I need to talk to him." I said, completely making up my mind. "If I don't, I know that I'll regret it."

Edward nodded in understanding as he headed towards Jake's house. The ride was way too short, and my nerves were working overtime. When we pulled up into the driveway, Jake was already standing outside. As Edward put the car in park, he whispered, "Last chance" to me before shutting it off.

"I'm okay." I whispered back, unbuckling myself and maneuvering my way out of the car, reaching for my crutches. I leaned against the car trying not to lose my balance when I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me.

"Bella, what happened? I just saw you last night!" Jake exclaimed, trying to get the crutches out of the backseat for me.

"It's your fault." Edward growled at Jake, as he battled with him over who would get the crutches out first.

Jake looked at me, the confusion obvious in his eyes.

"After I left, I called Edward and then got carjacked when I went to meet him," I explained. "But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to hear what you have to say, and to have you answer some of my questions."

"That's fine. Would you like to go inside?" he asked.

I looked over at Edward. He shrugged, so I nodded.

Jake led the way inside, while Edward made sure I didn't trip over anything. Once we made it through the door, I made a beeline over to the couch, remembering what had taken place the last time I had been there. The laughter, joking, and lust were now replaced with fear, pain, and regrets. I sat down and tried to push all those thoughts out of my mind. Edward sat next to me, while Jake took the chair facing me.

_This isn't good. I can't do this. Fuck, what was I thinking?_

"Are you alright?" Edward asked, leaning over and placing his arm around me.

_I am really starting to hate him asking me that. _"Mhm," I mumbled.

"Let me begin by saying, I am so sorry, Bella. I promised you long ago that I wouldn't hurt you, but I did." Jake said. "And I never meant to let things get this far."

"How long?" I asked quietly.

"How long?"

"How long have you been with Alice?" Her name left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Um… It's been complicated," he replied.

"Complicated how? How hard is it to just tell me?"

"This isn't easy."

"It's never simple. It's never easy. Nothing is. Just tell me!" I knew I was begging, but I didn't care.

"We had been seeing each other off and on while I was seeing you."

I gasped.

"It started out just hanging out as friends, and when you went all 'missing person' on me, that's when things really started happening."

"And by 'really started happening' you mean…?"

"We started having sex," he said, looking down.

_No surprise there, I expected as much._

_Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. _

"Did you think that you could keep it from me?"

"We didn't think it would really turn into anything. I thought for sure that it would be a quick fling, and that we wouldn't ever have to tell you. We agreed _not _to."

I could feel myself growing angry, and I knew that Edward could feel it radiating off of me. He started rubbing soothing circles on my back trying to calm me down. "You both agreed not to tell me?!" I exclaimed.

"When you saw us in that restaurant, we were really saying good-bye."

"Um, quite a good-bye if you ask me. It certainly didn't sound or look like one! Did you know about what Alice did? Did you know?"

_Please say no. Please, please, please say no._

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Did you know that she drove Jasper away? That she got him hooked on drugs, and that he became a dealer to support her?"

He looked dumbfounded. "No. No I didn't. Are you sure? Is that what she told you?"

"It's what she told me before I came over here. Why would you want to hurt me Jake? Why would you turn to Alice and keep it from me? Just… why?"

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"Well you did."

"Can we at least talk about this? Make it right? I don't want to lose you."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "You already lost me. When you decided to get together with her, you lost me. I know that we weren't officially 'dating' or whatever, but I was really starting to fall for you. You missed your chance."

"I was falling for you too, Bella. I was the one who decided to end things with Alice. She was the one who leaned in for the good-bye kiss…,"

"And you didn't stop her!" I exclaimed, interrupting him. "You deepened it. I was there. I _saw _you two together."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "You don't understand, Bella. When we were at your apartment and saw us talking together, I really wanted to end it there, but I thought that if I did, you would hear me breaking things off. Like I said, we didn't want you to know about it."

"That's dumb. Really, it is. I just don't understand your way of thinking. I would've found out about it eventually. The things that we don't want others to know, usually makes themselves known." _Whether we like it or not._

"I never meant to hurt you," he said again.

"Edward, I want to leave now." I said. He stood up and helped me off the couch, leading the way towards the front door.

"Bella. I'm sorry." I heard the pain in Jake's voice and I didn't want to look at him. "Don't go."

I turned to face him, to get my point across. "I'm sorry, Jake. I'm sorry that I'm losing you, and I'm sorry that you're losing me. You made the choice here; I didn't. And it hurts too much to see your face and hear your voice. I need to make this a clean break. You can't save me anymore. You can't be my rock. I can't breathe without you, but I have to. I'm… I…," I broke down crying. "I can't do this," I whispered quietly. "Good-bye Jake. I'll miss you."

His hand reached out for mine and held onto it trying to stop me. "Don't do this, Bella. Please, don't. You're my best friend. I need you too. I promised you that I would never leave, and I've kept that promise. Please don't leave me."

"I have no reason to stay with you, Jake."

"I can give you a reason to stay. Please don't go."

I shook my head, the tears clouding my vision. "I have to" I said, turning away, my hand slipping from his. "It's better this way. It really is."

I felt my heart break with every move I made, leaving behind the one thing that had made me whole. I looked up at Edward and noticed that his eyes showed nothing but compassion. "Please," I whispered. "Please don't let me down. Please make me whole again."

He nodded as he pulled me into a tight embrace. "I promise, Bella. I promise."

We got into the car and drove away, but all I could see in my mind was Jake's face, the brokenness and the pain, and I wondered if I looked as bad as he did.

_Why does life have to hurt so much? Why does it revolve around pain? Just… why?_

Turning to face Edward, I took a deep breath. "Edward, is there somewhere that we can go to be alone? I need to be alone with you now. I don't want to go back to the house where Rose is."

He looked at me confused. "We can go grab lunch or something."

"No. I want to be alone. Can we go to a hotel room or something? We can talk, or just watch television and order room service. I just don't want to be around anyone else." I begged.

I watched him as he contemplated my question. "Yes, I'll grab a room so that we can be alone. Are you sure this is what you want?"

I nodded.

_I really need to feel needed. Am I going to do this? Will he agree to this?_

My heart was beating rapidly as we drove once again in silence. That seemed to be a theme.

He pulled up to a nice hotel and put the car in park. "I'll be right back. I'll go in and get a room, and then I'll come out to get you."

"Okay." I sat there trying to figure out how to put my plan into motion. Whenever I had been hurt by someone and needed to be shown that I was wanted, I turned to sex, and I _knew _that it wasn't a good idea, but I didn't care. I needed to feel something. I needed to be needed.

Edward returned, parked in one of the marked stalls for hotel patrons only and helped me out. He led me through the hotel lobby to the elevator, taking me to the room. As he opened the door and ushered me in, I found myself in awe.

"Edward, I didn't mean that you had to get an amazing suite for us. I just wanted to be alone with you," I said.

"I know, but I just wanted it to be nice. I want everything to be nice for you. You deserve it," he said, smiling at me.

We looked into each other's eyes and knew right then and there that there was no going back.

_He knows why I told him to take me here. This is really going to happen._

He started kissing me passionately, running his tongue along my jaw. My breathing became heavy, and I couldn't believe that this was actually going to happen. The kissing soon turned into something slow and sweet as he lifted me up and placed me softly onto the bed.

He pulled the blankets back and made sure I was comfortable as he tenderly undressed me. It was a bit awkward with my cast, but he made sure to lift my leg gently as he pulled my shorts and panties off.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked as he began to undress himself.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

_Horny bitch._

_You've wanted this for as long as I have._

_That's because I am you, stupid._

_Whatever. At least I'm going to finally just fuck Edward and get it over it._

Paying a great deal of attention to my breasts, he began licking and sucking gently, playing with my nipples until he had me panting and awkwardly spreading my legs. He moved his very talented mouth and tongue lower and licked and sucked on my swollen clit, causing me to grasp at the blanket and anything else I could get my hands on, arching my back. I was writhing and begging, panting, covered in a sheen of sweat. I was ready to scream with frustration, while Edward seemed to be calm and relaxed.

He used his fingers as his tongue sucked and licked me some more, then he thrust them in and out slowly as he looked up at me through hooded eyes. I cried out and felt myself let go as he began to thrust his tongue into me. I tangled my fingers in his hair and held on to it so tightly that I was afraid I was going to hurt him.

_That tongue. Those fingers. Oh God. I need him in me. Now!_

"Edward, please…," I begged, trying to get my breathing under control.

"Please what, Bella?" he asked, teasing me and licking me again, rubbing his fingers on my clit.

_Oh God, I feel like I'm going to cum again. This man has magical fingers and tongue._

I let out a strangled groan and tried to form words. "Edward, please… Please, I need you in me…," I nearly cried out, as he pushed against my bundle of nerves harder.

_I need him in me, right now! _I screamed in my head.

"Hmm. I wish your leg wasn't broken, so you could be on top of me, riding my cock. But it's alright. I can leave you lying on your back, so I can watch you as I fuck you."

"Edward!" I cried out.

He laughed and moved slowly up my body, settling his hips in between my legs. I could feel his arousal against my thigh, and I reached down and grabbed it, stroking it softly.

"Oh God…," Edward moaned out, causing me to giggle.

"I think it's my turn to tease you," I said seductively.

"Definitely not!" he said, pushing my hand away and swiftly entering me.

We both let out a loud moan. It felt like two halves coming together to be whole again. He was hovering over me, supporting his body weight with his hands while he started moving in and out of me slowly.

"Edward," I whispered. "I do not need you to take things slow… I need you to fuck me."

"Bella, are you sure?" he asked looking into my eyes and making me feel as if he could see my soul.

I nodded and bit my lip. "Please…,"

He began to move in and out of me in faster and harder than I had ever thought possible. He moaned as he fucked me, effectively causing me to tighten and orgasm like I never had before.

"I'm so close…," Edward gasped out as he moved one of his hands down to rub my clit as I came, prolonging the intense experience I was having. I dug my nails in his back, closing my eyes and feeling as if I was about to cum again.

"Keep your eyes open for me. I love watching you," he said as he sucked my earlobe.

I struggled to keep my eyes open as he thrust deeper into me. I arched again as we climaxed together, crying out each other's names. He collapsed on top of me as we rode out the aftershocks together, a shaking pile of tangled limbs.

I could barely see or catch my breath as I felt myself going into overload, realizing what I just had done, scared about the fact that I honestly didn't care, that this was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Tears started escaping my eyes as I shuddered, my body trembling with spasms that ran up and down my entire length. I couldn't find the words in me to speak.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked, rolling over to the side of me, as he began to stroke my hair.

_There he goes again with asking me if I'm alright!_

_Hush, it's a good thing. He's trying to be nice._

All I could manage were gasping sobs. I couldn't even begin to explain how I was feeling.

_It's kind of like being ripped apart, and having every piece of me fully exposed. Why can't I just tell him that?_

He pulled me into his arms and wrapped the blankets around us, somehow sensing that I needed something to hold me together since I didn't seem capable of doing it myself.

I laid my head against his chest, willing myself to calm down so I could speak again. I felt rather than heard him humming to me softly; I found myself focusing on the vibrations coming from his chest, intent on hearing it with every fiber of my being, until I finally found myself feeling as if I was put back together again.

"Are you better now?" he asked with concern.

"I… I think so." I stammered.

"Good," he pulled me in tightly and just held me, as he caressed me lightly with his fingertips, brushing them along my arms and hips. It was painfully sweet.

"You're so beautiful…," he said softly, tenderly.

"I could say the same about you, but I don't know how you'd react to being called beautiful," I giggled.

"I don't mind being called beautiful as long as it comes from your lips," he said, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "This was amazing. You don't know how long I've wanted you. I wish we could just stay like this forever."

"Me too… Me too…," Suddenly the weight of the world was on my shoulders once again, and I knew that I had made such a huge mistake, yet I couldn't find it in myself to regret it.

He suddenly laughed.

"What's so funny, Edward?" I asked curiously.

"This whole situation. I've wondered for a long time what it would be like to finally have you… What it would be like to finally give in to how I was feeling. When you were lying in that hospital bed with a concussion and a broken leg, I realized how easily it could've been for me to lose you. This feels good… it feels, right."

I laughed too, and it felt good. I realized that it felt good and right for me too. Right now everything with him was wonderful and comfortable. It felt like the familiarity that grew when two people were relaxed and felt truly at ease with one another. It felt great, but I remembered feeling a little this way before with Jake. I started to wonder how long it would take before everything would all be shot to hell.

I frowned and turned away from Edward, remembering how quickly guys seemed to lose interest in me.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, with concern in his voice.

"I'm just wondering how long this will last…," I admitted softly.

"How long what will last?"

"This. You and me. How long will you keep me around until you get tired of me and start looking for someone new?"

His silence gave me chills, and I was almost afraid to look at his face. I chanced it. His face seemed to be carved out of stone in that moment.

I quickly backtracked. "I just mean… Well, Jake used me and forgot about me as soon as I stopped talking to him after like a day apparently…," I ran my finger up and down his chest, trying to get him to look at me.

"I could kill him for doing that to you. I want to kill every man that has ever hurt you." He said, his voice having a hard edge of anger to it.

I grabbed his face with my hands and forced him to look at me. "Edward, I don't want you to do that. I just don't want you to regret this… to regret me."

"Is that what you think will happen? That I'll regret this? That I'll regret ever being with you?"

I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears that once again threatened to spill out of my eyes.

"Do you regret this?" He asked, sadly.

"No! I don't regret this; I don't regret you at all!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I don't ever want to regret you, Edward." I said, letting the tears spill out so he could see my sincerity.

"I don't want you to think this was a mistake, because it's not…," He whispered, ghosting his lips against mine.

"This isn't a mistake." I agreed and decided to take the honest route and let him know exactly how I felt. I needed to lay my heart on the line and get it over with. "I don't know what's happening to me, but for the first time in my life, I can feel. I can actually feel something and it scares me! For way too long I've been pushing my feelings aside, burying them deep within me. And when I'm with you Edward, I feel alive again. I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to thank you, but if you want to leave, go ahead and leave. I don't want you to wait around and break my heart. I just want you to know that no matter what, this wasn't a mistake…," I made myself stop rambling and soon the silence in the room was very overwhelming.

_Oh God. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have said so much. What's wrong with me?_

_You told him what's on your mind._

_Yeah, but he didn't need to know all that. I hate myself. I hate my word vomit. I hate this…_

"Bella… Bella!" Edward said, shaking me out of my internal conversation. "Did you hear what I just said?"

I looked up at him and shook my head no.

"I said that I'm not going anywhere… I won't leave you like everyone else has…,"

I didn't let him finish, because I didn't want to hear anymore. I just wanted him. I attacked him with my lips, kissing him feverishly. "I need you." I said softly, meaning it in more way than one, and he understood because he whispered, "I need you too," back to me.

And in that moment, I felt whole again. I felt like I could take whatever the world threw out me. I felt like _me.  
_

_

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**Just a quick note before I run and hide... Yes, they finally had sex. Yes, Bella is a huge cryer. She's been holding back emotions for so long that they've finally caught up with her.**

So review and let me know if it was worth the wait...


	15. Move Along

**A/N I know I fail. I'm sorry. Things have been complicated and crazy and I won't bore you with my completely valid excuses. This is a short chapter, but after writing and scrapping it sixteen times I felt it was the best I could do. I'm already working on the next chapter, and I'm hoping that this time it won't take me two months to get it out. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me :) Thank you Jessi for betaing this even though you're sick. ILY.**

****Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related, but I do own this storyline**  
**

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_When all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know ya do.  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along  
Just to make through,  
When all you got to keep is strong_  
_Move along_  
-All American Rejects "Move Along"

_-----_

Life has a way of taking you by surprise. You can plan every little detail out, but there is no way that things will ever work out perfectly.

I didn't plan to have sex with Edward but I did, twice, and the way I felt was indescribable. All I could think about was how I shouldn't have done it, but oh God, was it amazing, beyond amazing. Albeit, sex with a broken leg in a cast is a bit awkward with anyone, but Edward managed to make me forget about that. He made me forget about everything, which had been my goal. However, I never expected to _feel _any connection with him. I never expected that this man would make me _want _to tell him about my past, tell him about everything, but I was still scared.

_What if he decides he doesn't want me because of my past? What if he realizes just how fucked up I really am?_

_Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. I shouldn't have done that. _

_But wow. It was amazing. So, so amazing._

I couldn't help but feel like I had tricked him, though, that I made him feel like he _had _to be with me.

_It takes two, Bella. He wanted it just as much as you did._

_But I tricked him._

_No you didn't. It was a mutual decision._

_Ugh, it wasn't. It was all me, and I just hope things don't get awkward from here on out._

_Bella, he said he wanted you and when he said he wanted you, I don't think he just meant your body. I think he meant all of you. Heart, body, mind, and soul._

_Whatever. _I rolled my eyes at myself.

_See? Fucked up in the head. He'll never want me._

_Never say never._

We didn't stay in the hotel long. Just long enough to order room service and eat. Edward walked me down to the car before walking back in and checking out. I was worried that Rose would see the hotel charges on his credit card bill, but he assured me that he had paid cash, and that Rose would never know.

And now here we were two weeks later. Two weeks had passed since that day, and things hadn't changed for better or for worse.

Edward had to return to work, and I had to go back to watching Emma and Bobby while Rose did whatever she wanted with Emmett. I couldn't even look Rose in the eyes without feeling a pang of guilt. I felt like the 'other woman', even if it originally started with Emmett as the 'other man'.

Summer had started for Emma, and she was excited to be done with school for a few months. And today was Edward's birthday. The kids were down for a nap, and I was sitting on the couch relaxing with the television on. Even though I was on crutches, the kids didn't care. They still expected me to do everything with them as if I were capable of walking on two legs, and no matter how many times Rose, Edward, and I had explained to them that it wasn't possible for me to chase them around and get up and down the stairs easily, they still continued acting like spoiled brats. It was getting really frustrating.

Edward was still trying to sign a lease on that one story house he was talking about, but I felt like it was never going to happen. I was nervous about the conversation that I would have to have with Rose about that. She would no doubt wonder why I would choose to move out and live with her husband instead of with her. It's not like I could walk up and say to her, "because your husband is a good lay and deserves someone who isn't cheating on him." No, that was definitely out of the question, and extremely out of line. She had been really nice, helping me shower and get dressed with my broken leg, and I knew the guilt of sleeping with the man who was still technically her husband was eating me alive.

_Two more weeks. Two more weeks, and the divorce proceedings will begin._

Sighing, I flipped through the channels once more trying to find something to watch. The peace was nice. I knew that shortly the kids would come downstairs and ask me to help them with their birthday presents for Edward. They had made him some homemade cards, and Emma wanted to bake a cake.

I looked at the clock on the wall, and then stared at my phone.

_Sending Edward a happy birthday text wouldn't be so bad would it? I'm just afraid that he might be busy at work and won't be able to read it until later._

_Ugh. Bored. Bored. Bored. _

I tapped my fingers against the armrest on the couch.

_What should I do? I could get the ingredients for the cake out and ready, but if I do that, then I'll have to lean on my crutches. I'm already getting bruises under my arms from them._

I looked at my phone once more.

_This is what sucks about not having any friends anymore._

I bit my lip and looked back to the television, trying to find something that would capture my attention. Giving up, I left it on the Food Network and watched entranced, wishing that the meals I made looked like they did when the professionals made them.

I found myself nodding off and welcomed the blackness of a dreamless sleep. I awoke to my name being called by Emma and Bobby. They helped me up, and we went into the kitchen to begin the task of baking a cake.

To say that the kitchen looked like a war zone when the cake had finally been put into the oven would be an understatement. I looked around and dreaded the task of cleaning up. I set the timer on the over, and gave the kids the responsibility of wiping the table down and throwing out the trash while I did the dishes.

Rose soon arrived home with Emmett in tow, and I was thankful that I was no longer alone with the kids. She smiled at me and ushered the kids out of the kitchen as Emmett sat down at the table.

"How are you doing Bella?" Emmett asked me.

"I'm alright. It's too hard to really do anything with a broken leg. I get exhausted over the simplest tasks,." I responded.

"That's gotta be tough. How much longer do you have to have it for?"

"I was told that it could take a few weeks to a few months. It all depends on how quickly I heal I guess." I shrugged.

"Ahh okay,." he nodded his head.

I looked around the room uncomfortably, completely unsure what to say. Ever since Edward had thrown Emmett out of the house, tension seemed to have become tenfold. I had Rose telling me how much of an ass Edward was, and I had Edward telling me how much of a bitch Rose was. I was stuck in the middle, and sleeping with him hadn't helped any. Although, Edward and Emmett _had _somewhat formed an awkward relationship. They seemed to go off and talk quietly so that Rose and I couldn't hear them. It was odd.

"So…," Emmett started.

"Sooo…?"

"What are the plans for Edward's birthday?"

"Um… I helped the kids bake a cake, and I think they made him some homemade gifts. That's about the extent of the festivities I believe,"I said.

"Sounds like quite the party," he replied sarcastically, causing me to laugh.

"Doesn't it? Guess that's what happens when you have kids -- your birthdays become quite… boring,." I joked.

Emmett joined me in laughter as Rose walked in.

"What's so funny?"

"Bella and I were just joking about the fact that birthdays become quite boring once you have children,." Emmett explained.

"You're telling me!" Rose exclaimed. "For my last birthday, we played Candy Land. I lead a glamorous life."

The timer on the over dinged, and I started to push myself out of the chair but Rose stopped me. "Here, let me go ahead and take it out for you, Bella."

"Thank you Rose," I said, smiling.

We sat around and chatted mindlessly for a while, the kids returning to help frost the cake. Rose placed an order for pizza, and it arrived right before Edward walked into the house. He seemed to genuinely appreciate everything, and it made me smile just watching him interact with the children.

My heart panged painfully thinking about the fact that if I hadn't had an abortion that I would have a child that was a little younger than Emma. I felt tears cloud my vision and rubbed my eyes trying to clear them before anyone could notice. I went through the motions for the rest of night, trying to force myself to forget my painful memories. I knew that Edward could tell that something was wrong by the way he was looking at me, but I didn't want to ruin his birthday.

After the kids dragged Edward out of the room to watch a movie and open the gifts they had made for him, I helped Rose and Emmett clean up the mess in the kitchen.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Rose asked with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, forcing a smile. "I'm just a little tired is all."

She didn't look convinced. "You know you can talk to me about anything…,"

I nodded my head. "Yes, I know." _But I can't tell you what's on my mind because you would murder me. _

She sighed and shared a look with Emmett that immediately put me on edge. Rather than stay in the kitchen with them, I hastily made my way out of the room claiming that I wanted to go see what movie the kids had chosen to watch.

Edward looked up and smiled at me when I entered the room, and it made my heart beat quickly. I smiled back and sat down on the couch with Emma and Bobby squeezed in between us.

"Are you alright?" he mouthed to me.

I nodded my head and turned my attention to _Finding Nemo_.

_How dumb is it that I can relate to this stupid movie? Nemo is taken away by the diver, and his dad goes on a search for him. I feel like I'm the dad and Nemo is Jasper. Only in this case, I don't think that I'll ever find him._

_So… if you're Nemo's dad, and Nemo is Jasper, does that make Edward Dory? _

I stifled a giggle.

_Just keep swimming, just keep swimming… It is possible that Edward is Dory. Although, he's not as annoying that's for sure. He does encourage me though._

I watched the rest of the movie enjoying the sounds of the children giggling at everything. It was nice. It made me feel normal, and forget - which is all I could ever ask for.

*****

"What are you talking about Edward?" Rose screeched.

"You can't expect me to live here when we're divorced. I already signed the paperwork, and I move in tomorrow," Edward said calmly.

The divorce proceedings began yesterday, and things seemed to be getting more and more explosive. I had finally gotten my cast off, but it had been replaced by a walking boot, which was absolutely frustrating. I was at least able to walk up and down the stairs, although Edward would nervously walk behind me to make sure I didn't fall. I appreciated his concern, but I just wanted to do things on my own again.

I was upstairs in the bonus room with Emmett and the kids, watching as they climbed all over him like he was their human jungle gym. I shut the door in the hopes that they would focus on playing instead of their parents fighting. They still didn't quite understand what 'divorce' meant, and I certainly didn't want to be the one to explain it to them.

I could still hear Rose yelling at Edward, and I glanced over at Emmett who seemed to be ignoring it, focusing on playing with the kids. I felt extremely nervous knowing that she would not react well to the fact that Edward wanted me to move in with him, even if I was just moving in with him to take care of the kids whenever they were there.

_Rose is going to want to murder me. I'll never make it past the doorstep. _

Sighing, I turned some music on in the hopes that it would drown them out better, and it worked. The kids were soon dancing and singing along, causing me to laugh at their enthusiasm.

The door opened, and I looked over to find Edward running his hands through his hair. "Uh, Bella, can I speak to you for a minute?"

"Sure." I said, not really sure what exactly he wanted to say to me. "Where's Rose?" I asked as I walked out of the room with him, closing the door behind me.

"She's in the kitchen calming down." he said nervously, once again running his hands through his hair. "I need to talk to you about something…,"

"Wha--" I was cut off by his lips connecting to mine. Shocked, I pushed him away softly. "What's going on Edward?"

He grabbed my hand and led me into the bathroom and locked the door before kissing me again. "I… just… need… you…," he said in between quick and frantic kisses.

I finally responded and wrapped my arms around his neck, moving my lips with his.

_I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm not going to lie. I've missed the feel of his lips against mine._

_I bet no one will even notice you two are gone… you can go a little further._

_Ugh, no we can't. We can't do that again… at least not while everyone is still in the house. _I sighed internally.

Breaking apart for air, we smiled at each other. "Edward, what is going on? Not that I mind kissing you, it's just that we haven't really done anything since that one day you know?"

"I know. I've missed you. You can't imagine how hard it's been for me being unable to touch you or kiss you whenever I want, which is why I wanted to talk to you…," he trailed off.

"About moving?" I questioned, figuring it was what he wanted to talk to me about.

"Kind of. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"You're not making me move, Edward. I _want _to. I _want _to be with you. I'm just afraid of how Rose is going to react. I heard her when you told her that you were moving… can you imagine how much worse it'll be when I tell her that I want to go with you? Of course I can just use the excuse that I'm going to be living with you when the kids are there…," I rambled.

"Bella," Edward stroked my arms softly, "I've already told Rose. At least, I told her that you were going to be living with me when the kids are there. She's not very happy, but she understands that much. I just wanted to ask you what you thought about moving with me tomorrow? Rose wants to spend time with the kids because she knows that once this is over we'll have to have an arrangement where she'll only get to see them half of the time, and I certainly wouldn't mind spending time with you."

I could hear the innuendo in his words and I smiled. "Are you sure you want me to move in with you?" _You don't know half the things I would love to do with you alone. _

"Yes, I'm sure. It'll be easier for you because there won't be any stairs, and we can spend time together, just you and me."

I bit my lip, pretending to contemplate his offer seeing that he was growing more and more nervous the longer I stayed quiet. I finally sighed and nodded my head. "Of course, I would love to Edward."

Grinning widely, he pulled me into his arms kissing me intensely while grinding his hips into mine before he pulled away. "That's just to give you something to look forward to."

He winked and unlocked the bathroom door leaving me standing there in shock.

"Fucking tease…," I muttered under my breath.

"I heard that!" he called out, and I slammed the bathroom door shut hearing his laughter on the other side.

I smiled despite myself and giggled softly. _I get to be alone with Edward, in a house. Alone. _

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

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